Misunderstanding or Miscommunication?

Or we didn't want to hear what they say? Or we didn't really listen?

Today, I was helping my mom's dinner. She was testing the chicken to see if it was done by using the temperature. For the Fowl, it must be 180 degree inside for the chicken. I don’t remember how it starts, all I remember was, I asked her, “What’s the temperature of the chicken?” She said “180 degree.” I waited for few second. She just stands there. I asked my mom, “What is supposed to be temperature for the chicken”. She said, “180 degree.” I was like, why is she still standing and hold the temperature inside the chicken. So I asked again in different question, “What is the expectation for the chicken?” She said, “180 degree”. So I asked her again, “What the temperature right now?” She said, “180 degree.” I was like what is she expecting me to do? So I respond, “Well, it’s done. Why not take it out?” Then she went, “Oh, it’s 160 degree.”

That is exact conversation of what we had. It was stuck in my head and repeating for a while and tries to figure out what could cause the misunderstanding? Sound like to me that she wasn’t really listening. Huh?

Suddenly, I remember something. Couple years ago, since I’ve been learning on read between the words and watch out the subtle body language and conversation. Some people are good at cover up or put their porker face. It makes it harder to read while others are very clear. Depend on people who I talk to, my mom and I had a conversation one day. Somehow, my mom twisted of what I said and jumped conclusion that it is my fault for being cranky mood and use my period as an excuse. Now, I already knew who am I and know my own emotional when I’m cranky or not. I turn back at my mom and told her that’s not what I said. I repeat in clear and different statement with same meaning. I told her don’t you dare to use my period or my cranky mood to turn against me. I may have period but I’m not in a cranky mood. She just sat there with her mouth wide open. Then she went off minding her business. I can tell that she’s still in a shock stage.

I had a few years of practicing with my ex boyfriend who turn against me half the time. I am starting to find a way to make it clear and directly. I learn to stand up more and more with my family and friends who tries to manipulating me.

I do have my own faults, too. Then again, maybe not. I don’t know. Last time, I went out shopping with my mom for clothing. She kept repeating to me few times about the outfit doesn’t look good with the jacket; however, for the jacket look good on the other outfit. I bought those and took home with me. I started to wear them. My mom said, “How many times must I tell you? It is like you are not listening to me. That jacket doesn’t look good with your outfit. It’s better with the other outfit.” as she showing the other outfits to me. I thought that was very interesting is that I don’t remember she said that. I guess everybody have their own flaws, sometimes.

When I went out with a guy, we been together too much. I started to feel like I need a space. I told a guy that I need a space, next thing I knew, he stuck with me like a glue. He was much closer than before. I was puzzled. I asked him why are you not give me the space? He didn't say anything but in his body language seems speak clear. I asked him is it you thought that space means breaking up and no longer see each other? He nodded. I was like, that's not true. I explain more and clear by saying I just need a time alone. I would like to be by myself for couple hours and not rejecting him. He still didn't gave me any space I needed, anyway. So I disappeared on him. Haha. It's a good thing.

One thing I never knew about when I read the Dr. Phil's book "Love Smart", he gave the actual meaning of I need space. In guy translation, "I need to get away from you! I need a witness with that girl who wouldn't leave me alone." Well, that sure sound fit for a guy I went out with but it wasn't my intention to say that meaning. I just try to communicate to tell him I just want to be by myself for a little while. Doesn't mean that I'm rejecting you. It's funny that we all have different meaning of what or how we say things.