Ya know what?
What?
Well, this deaf guy who I've dating a few times. I didn't think he's the right one for me but a friend convience me that he sounded better than another my exs. So I thought twice about it. Turn out that he founded a girlfriend and I left him alone for a time being. Later, I found out that he broke up with his girlfriend. I took my time for about several months. I contact him and asked him that if he's still single and he said yes and I asked him if he would like to give this 2nd chance. He respond something like with heart feeling then yes. What he means is that if ya serious deep down in your heart, then yes.
So, we decided to give each other another chance. I've kept my mind open when I found out that he is befriended with his ex-gf. Part of me hestiate the idea of having him staying friend with her. I fight my urge of...not convience him to not befriended with her. However, I am testing him out to see where do I stand.
Later, he came to visit me (from other state). He took me to Yellowstone Park which I did enjoy soo much that I wish it last longer than 9 days.
He came and visited me again after Thanksgiving. We went to nearby Lodge at my home area. We did went to indoor waterpark. I had so much fun! I think he does, too.
I notice that he seems a little quiet but I choice to say nothing but let him tell me when he's ready to tell me. He did eventually told me about his ex-gf. He told me that he had a fight with her. I asked, "what was the agure about?" He said that his ex-gf asked him to massages on her back and shoulder. So he did. His ex-gf brought up about possible breaking up with her boyfriend and go back with him. He said, "no, I'm dating someone." (which is me) Then his ex-gf got soo upset and said that he's a player and a cheater and that he lead her on believing that he want her back.
I asked him, "what do you think?" He's concern that he might be a cheater and wondering if he did betrayed me. I asked him did you had sex with her. He said, "no." Then you're fine. I don't think you are the player or a cheater. I told him that best not to messages on her back. It seems like that may aroused her. He nodded. I asked him, "do you think you can stop seeing her and stop contacting her?" He said that "my brother told me do not respond of every time that she emailed me or paged me or texted me. Just delete it and moved on."
That's when I start to test him out. I asked, "Can you take your brother advice?"
He said, "I know I should stop responding to her."
Oooohh, the word "should" I'm like, geezz instead of should, just do it!! However, I try to boast him this way, "Can I trust you to stop contact her?"
He said, "I know that you don't know me well enough that it is not possible for you to trust me but I believe that I am trusthworthy guy."
I'm like... you're not answering my question. Again, I asked. "I know, but can I trust you to stop contacting her?" He said, "yeah, you can trust me to stop contacting her."
My respond, "then I trust you."
Oh yeah!! It is my way to see if he would able to do that or is he really a player or not. Of course, on my side, I have to trust him from the start. Part of me doubt it but I try my best to let go and trust the... Higher Being out there or Fate.
He came again after Christmas. Which that tells me that he's really interesting and he's visiting me often. I'm like, there's possiblity that there's hope. I'm enjoying spending time with him. We are staying at a nice hotel and it is nearby downtown where's shopping center and restaurants within walking distance. I have my dog with us. Lucky, it is cheaper than taking her to dog boarding. It is only 75 dollars one time fee for 3 nights. He and I are enjoy spending the time there. I am the one woke up first before him. I walk my dog for an hour. I knew she'll needed that. I came in and this guy is still asleep. I went ahead and woke him up. He finally got up. We both went out to explore for the day.
After dinner, we are planning to go to the movie; however, it doesn't start in 2 hours since we missed first 20 minutes. We choice to wait. I told him, "I need to go back to hotel to let my dog out."
He made a face expression with disgusting, "Why? You already let her out this morning. She don't need to go out again." I'm like... WHAT?!? Instead, I told him that, "She is part border collie and she needs her excerise. Border Collie knows as HIGH energy. Beside, she gotta go use restroom, she can't hold that LONG and plus 4 hours extra waiting and we get back around midnight, That's really FULL 12 hours without restroom. Can you do that?"
He's like, whatever, in his face expression.
I didn't really appricate that. However, I didn't let that bother me. I went ahead and let my dog out with leash as she walk with me. This guy refuse to walk with me and it is late at night and fewer people around. He choice to go back to bed. I'm like... That wasn't nice. I did walked around by myself with my dog, Reese. It is for about an hour then bring her in. We waited for half hour then went to the movie.
After the movie, we came back. I knew that my dog want to go outside again. I finally convience this guy to walk with me. He and I walk around about 4 blocks with my dog. We went back in.
On 3rd night at the hotel, we decided to come in early. He choice to watch tv and I choice to go to sleep. However, my emotional start to stir up and I am feeling insecure and afraid that he may not love me. That's when I asked myself, "why do I start concern about that?" I have thought, He did came to see me more often and he did confirmed that I can trust him not to contact his ex gf and why am I feeling doubt about his love? After a while, I realize that he didn't hugged me, he didn't kissed me, he didn't hold me, he didn't says, "good morning" or anything at all.
That's when I decided to sit up and turn around to look at him. He asked me, "can't sleep? Need me to turn light off?" I'm like, "no... Ummm there's something I want to ask you personal questions. May I?"
He said, "sure."
I was like, "I notice I'm the one who come up to you and hugged you this morning. I'm the one who approach to kiss you a few times throughout the day. I'm the one who approach to hold your hand. And I notice that you have not been come up to me and hold me. You have not come to me unexpected to kiss me or anything like that. How come?"
I notice that his face expression was shocked. I notice that he talk to himself, "DAMN, my ex gf was right all along!"
That's when I realize, he did mention that his ex gf constantly complaining that he doesn't provide affections. He did said that he's giving all the affection by taking her out to many different places and resturants and etc. In his perspective by taking other places and traveling and etc is affection and not physical affection.
I waited for his respond.
He said, "I can't believe that my ex-gf was right when she complain that I wasn't being affection. He said that he was raised and seeing his father is the one who taking his mother outing and he notice his mother is being affection and not his father. That's how he perspective that outing is affection and mother is phsycial affection."
I'm like, BINGO! So I went ahead and explain that I do enjoy outing but I do want phsycial affection. He said that he'll try. I'm like... I'm not sure if that is a good idea if I am forcing him to do something that it isn't part of him after all, that's what people says, you can't change people the way you wanted them to be. You have to accept that. The question is... Can I accept that way?
The next day, he was quiet. This time I decided to say something, "I notice that you were queit all morning. What are you thinking?"
I notice that took him a while longer before respond, "I have been thinking about what you said and what my ex gf said and that she's right all along and I never notice that before until you have brought that up."
I smiled and gave nodded with my understanding as I lean my head on his shoulder. He did moved his arm around my shoulder and that was the first time that he ever made his moved.
He left later that afternoon.
Few months later, I moved into the same state where my dateing guy lives; however, I live with my parent. I have choose not to live with him nor does he brought it up or offer for me to live with him.
So, we starting to see each other every Saturday. After a while, I did email him and said that I needed a little "me" time so I didn't see him on two Saturdays. That's when he emailed me and told me that he's visiting his ex gf and I'm like WHAT?!? However, I backed off. Truth is I was extremely upset!! Despite the fact, I knew he would most likely still contact with his ex. Heck, My guts told me so but I force myself to set aside and waiting to happen. Oh yeah, just like any other women does but this time... that only happen ONCE in MY DAMN BOOK for I will not tolderance that will happen AGAIN!! *amen* (Trust me, it didn't.)
In meantime, I waited until I cool off, first. I, also, waited until I meet IN PERSON about that! I request to meet again on Saturday and so we did. I did set up a shield on me. I think he might have sense that when I see him. We went out to resturant. It seems to me that he seems quiet as well. That's when I finally bought it up.
I told him that I don't appricate that when you said that you wouldn't contact your ex gf, again. That does ruin the trust there. He said that, "I know that I ruin the trust. Just that I HAVE to visit her. I HAVE to help her. I HAVE to show and guide her."
There's that magic word!!! HAVE TO!! WHY?? He did mention that his ex gf is dating a guy who just come out of jail for theif and other things. And his ex gf got a baby from this guy. He felt that he needed to guide her to find the right guy. He felt that he have to help taking care of her baby and be there and support her and etc. Oh great!! A SHINY KNIGHT ARMOR!! That's what women needs!
Then he brought this up, "She had feeling for me and she want me back with her and I do have some feelings for her."
I'm like, "UH-OH!!! Don't ya dare to tell me that you have been like that since she asked you like... WHAT After Christmas that when ya told me and it has been SEVERAL months?!?" BUT I DIDN'T said that... *amen*
Instead, I asked, "Do YOU want to go back with her?"
His respond the same, "She had feeling for me and she want me back with her and I do have SOME feelings for her."
I'm like.. He's not answering my question!! *amen*
AGAIN, I said this way, "Ok, I understand that you have some feelings for her, I do understand that SHE has feelings for you and that SHE want you back. Now put that aside, I asked YOU, Do YOU want to go back to her?"
He replied, "I am considering. I am on a borderline."
I'm like... WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Instead, I kept my cool! I told him that I don't appricate that he is visiting her and blah blah blah.
He asked, "Are you jealous?" I'm like WHAT a NERVE that he asked me!!! How DARE he!?! *amen*
I told him that it is not fair for you to putting me in a situation like that. I told him that I am not jealous. It is about TRUST and that you have betryaed me. I don't have any jealous-y in my bone and I know it!
I told him not to contact his ex, again. That's when he brought this up.
He said, "I guess I have to tell her that I can't see her anymore or contact anymore because you asked me to."
I'm like "SHIT!" There's NO WAY that he's putting me in the middle of the situation and putting me like it is MY FAULT. I don't think so! Instead, I told him, "no, you go ahead and contact her and see her. In meantime, we are not dating and that we are going to be friends until you are the one decided on a final decision and let me know."
Of course, I didn't add... DON'T EXPECT me to WAIT on you!!
That has been slience since 5 months.....
To Be Continue....
