Nothing new

Everything is pretty much same O, same O...

I took Reese out to park. Even though I took allegery pill, the pollen did affect my headache cause after I finish walking then back to the car. Headache started. Oy! However, I arrived home and took myself tenyhol(sp).

It is such beautiful weather. It made me want to just lay on hammock and rock. Just think of that makes me woozy. There's a nice breeze blowing and sun is warm with tempature of 76 degree. It is perfect! I could sleep outside like that kind of weather. The smell of air is mild sweet with a touch of honey.

Just beautiful, beautiful, and beatiful outside... Part of me am glad that I'm not working. It is nice advantage of spring time and enjoy!

Oh I almost forgotten. About Oreo, my mom did took him to vet and had removed the nutural(sp). Vet had to keep him for a day. Finally, he came home. Mom didn't know that he had to be kept in small room and no allow for jumping or running. Mom and I weren't happy about that. Because after surgery, we let the cat go around their buisness. Even let them outside.... That was 2 cats that we had.... Oreo is 3rd cat.

Mom was about to put him in the bathroom. I reminded that Oreo likes to jump on high and he did curl up in the sink. He loves to curl up in the bathroom sink. I suggestion to put him laundry room, where he can't jump. The wash machine and dryer's height is above my head. I'm 5'4 so these 2 machines is possible 5'5 or 5'6. So, Oreo cannot jump that high.

He had to stay and coop up from 10 to 14 days. Oreo was begging to get out. His paw went under the door. My mom and I were feeling guilty about it. In 2 days, I went inside the laundry room and gave him alots of loving. Oh, there is one more thing, we can't pick him up..... I repeat CAN'T pick him up. Geez, how diffcult that can be?? Anyway, mom encourage him to get inside of carrier. He almost refuse but managed to get him in. Mom put carrier outside in the shade. Where he can look out and listen the birds. Reese did visit him, too. Mom and I were talking to Oreo.

Next day, I had idea. I did bought about 2 yrs ago. There is worth 2 hours "cat-sitter" viedo. That shows different types of birds, butterflies, mices, hamster, fishes, parrot, and squirrel. All are alternate. He haven't see that one. I did show to Tom-tom, even though he is outside cats and did hunt few times, he actually enjoys watching. So I think Oreo wld like that. Mom and I put him in carrier. We set on small and high table nearby tv. I start on that tape. He was sure fanscanting! I was glad.

After another couple more days, he got bored with that tape. Instead, I was busying organizing and dusting. Oreo was just watching me. And I was just talking to him. That helps a lot for him. That also encourage him drinking and eating cuz at first, he wasn't until we interact with him even he's in carrier. He's doing better.

Finally, 10 days were up. We decided to let him out. Boy! He's everywhere! He's jump on my bed and running around and etc. He constantly on the go. By the afternoon, he haven't take his nap since in the morning. So, mom went ahead put him in her bedroom while we eat out for dinner. When we came back home. Mom and I were checking on him. He's asleep on the bed. We let him out again. He runs around like crazy. I went ahead put him in laundry room for a night. On second day, he did again. He jump around and running around. However, in early afternoon, he found himself a quiet spot to sleep. On the third day, he's becoming more calm. He's still walk around and etc but he's a lot more calmer. On 4th day, mom did let him outside for a little while. So, he can get use to familiar with his area.

Today is 5th day, mom did let him out again. He is back to usual self, now.

Well, that's all for now.

Cold treats for hot summer

Start to get ready for nice cold snacks but it isn't good to have all those sugars and fats that increase your fat and make ya more hot than cooler.

My favorite healthy treats, red or white grapes. First, pick them all out and get rid of green vine thing that you don't eat. Second, wash them real good. Then put in the large zip-lock bag, finally, put in freezer.

Leave it overnight...

When you take it out, put some (whatever amount u like) in a bowl then rest in the bag back to freezer.

Oh I strongly suggestion to bite half cuz it is really too cold to use the whole thing in the mouth. It has slushy textures. If you like popicicals(sp) or slushy I.C.E.E from big store or snow cones. You'll like this one and it is more healthy espeically when hot summer comes around soon and that frozen grapes tasted so good and keep you cool.

Great way for healthy treats!

keep on going

I am doing alittle bit better after the grieve with Amy. Of course, I will always miss her and she will never be forgotten.

Right now, I'm not working this week. I really dislike it. I already contact to my VR counsler. I hope to manage to bring up to have different job. From what I understand that they do train Data Entry. So I'm going to apply that one. Lately I notice mostly it is 8am to 4pm M-F. It is exactly what I want. Because, mainly our focus is education. When I prefer do both...

Speaking of education, I'm still working on it. In fact, my mom thinks that I'm not going back. How rude!?!

Well, I'm trying to make up my mind. That's one of my weakness when I couldn't make up from my mind. Right now, I'm looking at biotechnology, biochemistry, and mircobiology.

I did made a few more phone calls with couple more questions to ask. Later something pop in my mind. There is another questions that I wld like to ask. After the questions, then I wld know for sure what would be my next plans.

I hate last minutes and dislike postpone either; however, I'm considering to wait until next year to make things planning out. I want everything ready by then without any last minutes.

By the way, I forgot to mention. I did apply several different blogs as well as myspace.com I couldn't figure it out and ended up here blogger.com. It is a lot easier. I notice myspace.com is very popular; however, I couldn't figure it out. I did ask few people to explain and etc but didn't able to make it work.

Tonight

(Techinically, last night and tonight, what I mean is I went to deaf place and I stayed until 2am).

I met one guy from the introducing by other pserson. I kept myself cool. I chat with him, he seems nice. I try to meet others but it wasn't easy because they tends to already have friends and they chat with each other. I did partpate couple times. But I still alittle isolate few times. I know it will take time. I went second time. Again, I did chat little by little and still isolate from time to time. Like I said, I know it take time to warm up with people. Plus, I have to be careful who I make friends with. There is same guy there, he seems to like me; however, there is a girl there seems to like him, too.

Now, this my 3rd time, I show up. I chat alittle bit more than time. And I notice 2 guys seems to like me plus one more(the one who I met twice).

Ok, seem like there's something is up, now. Hahahahaha, honestly, I'm having fun. I'm just checking them out. Right now, I'm taking easy and taking my time. I admit some are cute and other one isn't so bad looking. Two are working warehouse-something and another one is working archetict(sp). Mmmmm...

This guy seems to like me while other girl like him. I just back off and let that girl chase him. Hahaha, but he usually ended up coming back to me. He would go to other room while that girl ended up with him and I just stay the same room and chat with others. He would come back and give me alittle touch like his hand would pat on my shoulder or brush by arms. It is more subtle. Not so obvious nor go too far where I have my boundary. He actually wink at me couple times across room. It is obvious that he try to advoid that girl and keep coming back to me. I just laid-back and watch the show. Hahaha. I just let it go and let the nature take it course.

Smile.

Meanwhile I met 2 more singal guys and they seems to attract to me too. I mean I sat alone at the bar on the stool and be a people-watcher. Little did I know, someone sat behind me. Later, I notice something, there is a guy who sat beside me. He was talking to someone. I was looking to see who is he talking to. Then I thought, is he talking to himself? I had to ask out loud, "who r u talking to?" He pointed way across at the other side of the room. Then I spotted a lady there. She said that she was talking to him. Then bla, blah, blah, then ended up he and I was chatting. My gut is telling me that he's checking me out.

Later, another guy seems to check me out, too. Meanwhile, poor guy is trying to get away from that girl.

Like I said, tonight wasn't so bad.

By the way, they kept saying that they were surprised that I'm fully deaf and I look too much similar like an hearing person. I can't help but wondering.... Is that good or bad??

Decisions

Well, I'm trying to make up my mind of what I want. This time I decided not pursue business. Since I'm very much introvert. However, there are some introvert are extremely good of being extrovert. Business is usually require for extrovert because have to deal with workers plus costumers. I have to make sure that eveybody is happy, fairly and etc. Well, I decided not to go after business.

Lucky, last Sunday, I went out by myself and I really needed that and in fact I ate dinner alone. As usual, I ended up at bookstore. I did visit different dept. Nothing spark my interest. Last, I went to Fastasy/sci-fi; however, it is too much fantasy and less sci-fi. Nothing spark my interest. I've feeling bored with books lately. I eneded up looking at poetry. I haven't got bored with it. I truly enjoy reading it.

Later, I went down to another dept. I spotted something. It is over 200 careers for introvert. That's when I grab it. I did look it over and decided to buy it. I hope it is worth it. Maybe that helps me decided which is best for me.

My lunch hour is over. (Yes, I'm working).

Wishing...

I wish I could afford a lot of things. Right now, I really want to fly over Washington d.c. There is someone might understand better with my situation with Amy.

Maybe my 2nd mom would understand if I speak to her in person but I kinda doubt it.

Like I said, I wish I could fly at D.C., right now.

*sigh*

So far, I kept myself busy at home and work. It helps me keep on going. Just when at night when things are quiet. That does make me think about Amy. That's all. Sometimes I do keep myself by reading stories or "how to set up a business" book. I do alternating that at night. That also help me to go sleep to keep my mind off. I know I can't avoiding but I just can't constantly think about it. Is that normal? I have no idea since this is first time for me.

Well, I did had my first pets had died and I did grieve but I think that's because I had support. My parent were greiving, too. So I wasn't really alone.

Guess what?

Remmy I mention about me cleaning and I wasn't good enough by boss' boss? Well, speaking of that new boss, she left. Her last day was last week. There was no informed to anyone and no good-byes. I admit part of me am glad but at same time, I grow accomousted to her way. I guess will find out who is a new supervisor for next. Part of me hoping that next boss would be better. However, I still want to perpare the worst and hope for the best.

Well, I have to work tmw. I'm still working on less and less hours. I dislike that. I have my bills to pay. Only thing I mostly work is Friday and Saturday lately. Only times I work is Friday... Or none. I need more hours. This is cutting too short. I think because people are shopping less and less cuz others are saving money. It is April. Normally, people shop and getting ready for summer and buying swimsuits and etc. Plus, weekends are almost always busy. Espeically Memorial Day Weekend... Lately, the store is not so busy. It is getting quiet and quiet... Then quieter and quieter. It is getting quiet like a libaray. You can almost hear a pin hit on the floor.

This year isn't doing any good for econmic(sp?).

Princess

The mix german sharpard female dog, the one I used to have. May she rest in peace. She is so sweet and eagar to please. There is a story that I would like to tell. Actually, it is more of my mom's story that she told me about.

We were living in the country home. My dad was at home and watching tv. My mom was walking in a long walk to the mailbox. It is on the dirt driveway. She pass by one of the old car that my dad kept postponing to get rid of it. Truth is, my dad was so exhuasted from work. Most of the time he do the dirty work for those who doesn't and he had to keep pushing others who is lazy. Sometimes, he had to work on weekends and overtime. My dad was soo exhausted to do anything until he transfer another job. He was much better but that's another story. Right now, we focus on mom. By the time she reached to the mailbox, she notice something moving from her corner of her eye. She turn around and saw a big dog is running toward her. There is no warning of attack nor barking. It is slient attack. My mom ran to the junky car and hoping that she could get in but the door is lock. My mom had to yelled, "Richard!!!" that's my dad's name. My mom knew it wouldn't do any good since it is too far from the house plus tv is on. My mom was struggling to get on top of the car. She isn't good with physical work.

The dog is very close to grab my mom's leg. Out of nowhere, Princess showed up by passing between the dog's face and mom's leg then start attack that dog. Mom ran to the house and got on the screen backpoach. There's a gate to block off. As she did, she looked up to see how's Princess doing. Only thing she saw was the dog ran off and Princess almost in the chase. Mom called her to come. She quicky stop and obey. She came onto the poach. Princess did saved my mom's life.

Nothing New

Yep, nothing is new. Just working at work. During my off days, I help around the house. Yep, I need to get back on my track and start fill out the application and FASAFA(sp?). Soon... Sometimes this week. I found out another visitation wld not be until May. It's getting late. Sooner I start now the better chance to accept the college. I already made up my mind. I don't want to wait too long.

Today I'm working. I'm writing this on my lunch break. My lunch break is soon over. Ugh, I don't want to go back.

Oh by the way, as I was speaking of the neighbor, the mean father did came back to help to start the mother's car's battery isn't working. Now, he's been staying over the night and not left.

A letter from God...

Crystal’s Note: I stumbled across this letter in a magazine. I couldn’t agree with it more. I believe if God could speak to all humankind at once, especially during these troubled times of terrorism and war, this is exactly the message we would all receive.

Yes, this letter was written by a mortal man - an intelligent one at that because it sure makes a whole lot of sense!

So please, read the letter, with your mind and heart open, and think about it…and try to make the best out of the precious time you have here on Earth. ~Crystal

********************************

An Impatient Letter to All of Us

from God March/April 1998

My Dear Children (and believe me, that’s all of you),

I consider myself a pretty patient guy. I mean, look at the Grand Canyon. It took millions of years to get it right. And I’ve been patient through your fashions, civilizations, wars and schemes, and the countless ways you take me for granted until you get yourselves into big trouble again and again.

But on this occasion of my son’s 1,989th birthday, I wanted to tell you about some things that are starting to tick me off.

First of all, your religious rivalries are driving me up a wall. Enough already! Every religion claims there’s only one of me - which, by the way is absolutely true. But in the very next breath, each religion claims it’s my favorite one. And each claims its bible was the only one written personally by me.

Let’s get one thing straight: These are your religions, not mine. I’m the Whole Enchilada: the Spirit beyond them all. I’m your Father and Mother, and I don’t play favorites among my children. Also, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t write. My longhand is awful, and I’ve always been more of a “doer” anyway. So all your books, including the bibles, were written by inspired, remarkable people, but they also made mistakes here and there. I made sure of that. You see, I want you to trust your own inner connection with me more than anything else. Holy books are sacred and powerful, but they were only meant to steer you inside yourself, not to keep you arguing with each other. One human being to me - even a bum on the street - is worth more than all the holy books in the world. That’s just the kind of guy I am. My Spirit is not an historical thing. It’s alive right here, right now, as fresh as your next breath.

Which brings me to your next nonsense: You act like I need you and your religions to stick up for me or “win souls” for my sake. Please, don’t do me any favors. I can stand quite well on my own, thank you.

And another thing: I don’t get all worked up over money or politics, so stop dragging my name into your dramas. For example, I never threatened Oral Roberts. I never rode in any of Rajneesh’s Rolls Royces. I never told Pat Robertson to run for president, and I’ve never had a conversation with Jim Bakker or Jerry Falwell! Of course, come Judgement Day, I certainly intend to…

The thing is, I want you to stop thinking of religion as some sort of loyalty pledge to me. The true purpose of religion is for you to become more aware of me, not the other way around. Believe me, I know you already. I know what’s in each of your hearts, and I love you with no strings attached. Lighten up and enjoy me. That’s what religion is for.

What you seem to forget is how mysterious I am. You look at the petty differences in your scriptures and say, “Well, if this is the truth, then that can’t be!” But instead of trying to figure out my paradoxes and subtleties - which, by the way, you never will - why not focus on the simple unarguable fundamentals?

You know what I’m talking about: love and respect everyone. Be kind. Even when life is scary or confusing, take courage, for I am always with you. Learn how to be quiet, so you can hear my still, small voice (I don’t like to shout). Leave the world a better place by living with dignity and gracefulness. Hold back nothing from life, for the parts of you that can die will surely die, and the parts that can’t, won’t.

Simple stuff. Why do you keep making it so complicated? Do you think I care whether you call me Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Brahma, Father, Mother, The Void or Nirvana? Do you think I care which of my special children you feel closest to - Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed or any of the others? They all live in one place (my heart) and they get along perfectly, I assure you. Stop creating a myth of sibling rivalry where there is none. Just go about my business of loving one another as I love you. How can you keep forgetting something so simple?

You don’t have to abandon your religions or combine them into One Big Mess. Enjoy your religions, honor them, learn from them, just as you should enjoy, honor, and learn from your parents. But do you walk around telling everyone that your parents are better than theirs? Like your parents, your religion may always have a special place in your heart; I don’t mind that at all. And each religion is unique for a reason. Each approaches my great mystery in its own way. But religions are not football teams, so please drop your childish “We’re #1″ attitude!

The world has grown too small for religious narcissism. The whole planet is connected by air travel, satellite dishes, telephones, fax machines, diseases, rock concerts, and mutual needs and concerns. Get with it! If you really want to celebrate the birthday of my son Jesus, then begin figuring out how to feed your hungry, clothe your poor, and shelter your homeless. Just as important, make your own everyday life a shining example of kindness and good humor. I’ve given you all the resources you need, if only you abandon your fear of each other and begin living, loving, and laughing together.

As I love Him, so do I love each of you. I’m not really ticked off. I just wanted to grab your attention because I hate to see you suffer. After giving you free will, what can I do now, other than to try to influence you though reason, persuasion, and a little manipulative guilt? After all, I am the original Jewish mother. I just want you to be happy.

Your One and Only,
God

Written by Bo Lozoff.

Bo Lozoff is a writer/songwriter and director of the Human Kindness Foundation in Durham, North Carolina. The Foundation’s major program, the Prison Ashram Project, works with prisoners and prison staff in more than 40 counties. Mr. Lozoff’s books include We’re All Doing Time , Inner Corrections.

Neighbor rumors

Well, accoeding to little girl who spoke to the neighbor and that neighbor spoke to my mom. This sweet girl said that the court had decided to make her parent into divorce. If they refuse, the court will take the kids away. Once they divorce, the kids will stay with her mom.

She also mention that her dad just beat her mom. She meant earlier, today. No wonder I saw her mother is trying to cover herself this afternoon. Not only that, her father did drove away I dunno if he had came back or not. It is truly sad.

Speaking of neighbor, there is several houses next to us, where the house is totally empty belongs to somebody from Calforina. It has been 3 years since my parent and I lived here. The lady did came to stop by doing some cleaning and check on the house.

Until few weeks ago, they put up a rental sign. However, it is not cheap. I'm the one who check that out. Guilt! I thought it wld be neat to live next to my parent. The price is 2,000 dollars a month and unilities are not included. Wow! Was first thought in my mind. Never mind that.

*sigh* I wish my boss's boss would give me more hours to work. Lately I'm off. I only work on weekends. Well, I'm free, today. However, I look at my schedule, it is still blank. They just call me in last minutes for those who doesn't show up for work.

Truth is, even my off days, I search and apply other job but so far, nothing. I realize, one friend of mine thru facebook. She mention that she still searching for a job. She had graduated same as my other friend. Lucky, my other friend had a job while she doesn't. It must be frustrated for her. She even mention about consdering start herself a business. I laughed when I read that. Don't we all??

I admit that I did had my manic depression. Mainly because I hate working there and sooo cheap pay, I barely can pay my own bills and pay my parent of what I owe. I'm completely broke at this point until next payday. However, I don't think it wld be enough. My mom convience me to take prozac (that was several months ago before Amy had died). I did take it everyday. Once in a while, I missed but I managed to keep it up.

Prozac is truly helpful. It helps me to keep on going and less cranky; however, I still hate my work. I'm just so disappointed when I couldn't find anything else espeically the pay hours are sooo cheap.

Speaking of business, I did took my time to read about it. First, are you good at organizing? Guilt, I'm not. Procancasting can cuase buisness go down. Again, I'm the guilt. Are you highly moviating? Yes, I am. I know my weakness. Could I overcome my weakness?? If I am determined enough, yes I can. Are you self-starter? I have no idea if I am.

Mmmm, I better go. I still have a lot to think about.

Intense Dreams

I had intense dream last night. Amy's alive and I was in hopstial standing by her side. She had breathing tube as I was standing and wondering if she's going to be dead or alive. She woke up and was shock to see me then she gave me a long hug and a long kiss. *sigh*

Beloved

Beloved

I have traveled long and far
In search of that which had no name;
Along life's road I lost my way
And eluded me
Though the long and endless nights

Many dreams were shattered;
There had been much betrayal
And I was weary from the trying
I did not know how much was beyound my ken

I thought I knew the face of love
Though I had never seen it
Now felt it touch my heart
Until the fateful day
When We first met

Now I can say I know love's song
It's dance and every taste
I know it's face
For I have held it in my hands.
It's name is yours

~written by Amy K.~

That poem was written for me by the one who I loved. There are several other poems that I kept; however, this one is my favorite. I know Amy prefer not to share in public but I had to. It shows how much she loves me as much as I love her. No one ever wrote me a poem. No one ever surprised me when I came out of shower there are several candles lighted up. I stood there with awe as my eyes followed to Amy and she stood and lean against the wall as she's study my body language. That touches my heart. No one ever done that for me.

She brought me a flowers and putting on dinning table as we ate together in apartment. When she and I kissed, there's no tongue involve. However, our lips were barely touches each other, it was like our soul were kissing as we entwined together. Her kiss did swept my feet off for real. No one ever swept my feet but her. Every time, we kiss, it was like always a first kiss.

Amy told me that she felt the same. In fact, she told me that she had kissed several other females before and she said that they wasn't best kisser as I am. I didn't know that for I never kissed any other females before. She's my first and my first true love.

When people mention they know if that person is the right one is dreamed of that person. When my former bf told me that he dreamt of me and asked me if I did. My respond no. Of course, he was disappointed. Later I realize I wasn't really loved him.

Amy is the one who I dream of, several times. It is same for Amy when she dreamed of me. Sometimes her dream and mine are sooo intense, it almost like she is there next to me and same with Amy. I realize that I really do love her a lot... More than she ever know.

And I'm sure it is same for her...