Today is Friday!

WHoo-Hoo!!! Yeah!! I'm off Saturday and Sunday.... Not only that today's my birthday. *grin*

*sigh* I just got home from work. Yeah, I'm working 2nd shift. Look at the bright side, I get to sleep in the mornings. *heehee*

Oh, I almost forgotten, I didn't win the stargate. *frown* I was so hoping to win. Oh well!

Off to see the wizard of OZ....

Unfortantly about this weekend is going to increase of heat. *sigh* I was so looking forward to the natural park in Ft. Worth. I heard a beautiful place there where gardens and trees. I do miss trees. It's too hot to go out for a walk.

Look at the bright side, I will get to go to eat-all-you-can-eat STEAKS! *haha* I mean, you can eat all different kind of meats such as top sirlion, bottom sirlion, pot roast, ribs, .... That's including lambs, pork, and sausages. *whistle* Eat all of those... MAN! You can taste all different textures and flavors. YUMMY! Oh, it's expensive... Very. Believe me. It's about 50 dollars per person. If you want to add desserts then it will add another 15 dollars (I think) Oh, don't forget the lemonade. It's GOOD, too! We went once to satified our curiosity. Now, I'm so looking forward to that for tomorrow. That's for my birthday. It's Texas de Brazil.

Well, What's so special?

Today is my BIRTHDAY!!

Anyway,

Well, I'm hoping to get the prize is to be in a very short role on tv. LOL However, what's really important is to meet my favorite actors. *grin*Yeah, I know it's a wishful thinking. Too many people applying it so the chances would be slim for me to win.

Off subject, I almost finish up my 2nd bedroom (where I moved to from the 1st bedroom). There are few more things that need to be done. I almost done with my 1st bedroom, also. I just need to tidy up here and there plus a few more decorative. Things will look more nice and pretty. I also need to vaccum both rooms and hallway. I think my mom is willing to volunteer if she feels like doing it. She's already sore and stiff for helping me. My dad did help a little bit when he comes home from work.

Overall, my family and our pets are doing fine. *grin*

Hi,

Well, I'm so glad that I have Tuesday and Wed are my off days. There's another good news. I also will have Saturday and Sunday off coming this weekend too. It's a great way for me to celebrate this weekend.

Earlier today, My mom was helping me to re-organize my bedroom. I've change my bed to different bedroom because the first bedroom is sooo hot compare the 2nd bedroom. The 2nd bedroom is a lot cooler there and a lot warmer during winter. My 1st bedroom is so freezing during winter. Something wrong with ciruclation of the A/C and Heater in my 1st bedroom. So, that's why I want to move to 2nd bedroom. So, I've already did moved there about a month ago. However, I didn't get around to change few other things. My 2nd bedroom is so crampy and small. (that's why I prefer 1st bedroom but the heat and A/C isn't working there). So I finally decided less furnture around in my 2nd bedroom. I never felt so much better. It felt so more room-y. *sigh* I needed that. I was able to put all my clothes from 1st bedroom to move to 2nd bedroom. Like I mention earlier, everythings need to be re-organize. I'm so looking forward to finish up tomorrow (Wed) *hopefully* So I would be able to relax and enjoy my weekends off. WHOO-HOO!!

Oh, for those who didn't know or didn't apply to try to win .... Please wish me a good luck to win this Friday *fingers and toes crossing*

If ya curious what it is... Remember, I'm huge on Sci-Fi fan... Stargate. I hope to win the first prize. Guilt as charge. Star GATE (not Trek) is my favorite sci-fi show. Believe me, it's WAAYYY better than StarTREK! Those are 2 different things. *grin*

Okay, I better wrap up to get some rest so I can finish up my things tomorrow!

E coli

There's e-coli in spanich (for those who don't know watch "Popeye" the cartoon.) Now, that doesn't make sense. We always have veggies and fruits that doesn't exist for e-coli. Only thing that e-coli that lives is not cleaning from the bleach in the kitchen. Or the meat isn't completely done. I remember I was taught that e-coli is from the raw meat. There is never e- coli inside the veggies and fruits. The news said there is possible from the cow manure. I was like "huh?" Geez, people are so stupid. There is no such thing for that. I mean, come on if there is e coli from the manure pass on to veggies then we would NEVER be able to eat it. DUH!

However, there are a lot of e-coli from the spanich and that people get killed from it. Now, I have a question, "how is that possible?" I remember one of my professor said that if a man who eats a hamburger and didn't get the e-coli while a woman who eats salad who got e-coli. That's because a person didn't wash hands after handling the meat so that can pass on to the salad. So blame on cow manure for passing to spanich of e-coli.... Geez! That's ......#$%$%^&

Hahahaha! I couldn't believe that's what the tv news said that. That's most absurd I ever heard in my whole life! Something tells me that some people are not so smart nowadays as they think that they are.

Okay, change the subject here...

Today, I was at working area of Infants and Shoes dept. I spotted a little girl running around. At first, I thought she's alone. Turn out that she wasn't, I saw her father was with her. They were playing some kind of games like hide and seek, while a mother do the shopping.

Oh my goodness, it brings back my memory. I remember everytime when my parents going to store. My mom is going to shop while my dad is with me. He follows me everywhere I go. Which is usually the petstore and toys store. Those were my favorite places to go everytime I go to shop with my parents. Sometimes, my dad and I play games, too. That was bittersweet memory.

Off to the wizard of OZ...

Yeah, I'm changing the subject again.

Last night, I had a strange dream about my backpack and I. I keep on losing my stuff inside the backpack. Whatever it is seem very important that I didn't want to lose it. It's like my backpack unzipped itself on purpose. I have to keep zip it up. According to dream dictionary: To see or carry a backpack in your dream, represents the decisions and responsibilities that are weighing your down.

So, what kind of decisions and responsiblities? And why did it keep leaking out of my backpack? Well, there are decisions have been weighting me down, alright. I'm having trouble sleeping lately, too. According to my mom, she saw my dark circles in my eyes that tells me that I have the lack of sleeps. Now, my mom knows that. She doesn't know what's on my mind. Well, I am having trouble to decide about my major lately. I don't know what do I want, anymore. I use to know what I want but I still don't. I'm trying to make up my mind. The sooner the better it is. I mean I gotta to live my own life without living with my parents all the time. I need to own a car and house/apartment/condo/or cabin. I needed a job that I can have security and having retirement plans. The early you can get the early retirement that you can have. If you are an old age, sometimes things would not be easy and I notice a lot of elderly people works at the local stores when they should have retire and travel to explore. That's what I want before it's too late. Problem is that I don't know what do I want!! What do I want, I kept asking myself.

I did took some personality test and etc, those were my past-tense dreams. I have no presents dream of desire of what do I really want. Well, did I already asked myself that few times by now? I've already asked myself more than few times for last few weeks. I guess that's why I've been dreaming of carry backpack and trying to let go. and yet, I'm still holding on to it. *sigh*

I hope one day I'll make up my mind. Like I said, sooner the better!

Off to see the wizard of OZ...
Follow yellow brick road...

Well, My family and I are doing good. Our pets are doing fine. They are being their usual self. I can't wait for 3 days off next week. Well, it's Tues, Wed, and Sat. So that means 3 days off that week. Right?

Well, I better go because seem like Reese needs to go outside.

What type of writer should I be?

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from. And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi. Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics... Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Well, I am really sucks of writing off-world mission for sci-fi. LOL. Maybe it takes pratice?

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger. However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down. You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding. Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are. With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single. To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

What's Your Dosha?

Yeah, I do notice that I tend to be a little slow thinker but I can be quite smart in my own way, too. Yep, I agree that I'm not scared of being who I am. I do agree that I have crave connection and affection, that's why I found my spiritual path. Once I did, my craving isn't there anymore. Hard to be single?? Well, I only have 2 short-term boyfriends and still single for few years...or more. (I'm not counting.) How hard is that? I admit it would be nice to have a boyfriend. I admit that I'm longing to have someone there to cuddle with me. LOL

You Are Apple Green

You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you. And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive. You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way. Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.

What Color Green Are You?

MMmmm, I sure hope so. ;-)

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Well, that does sound so much like me. ;-)

Notice the defense and crime is conservative? LOL... ya know I kinda agree with that too. For those who commited crimes and I do believe that punishment fits the crime. If someone did kill somebody then that person should be on death penlty because that person took someone's else life without the permission to do so such as serial killers. I do think that the jail should not have tv's, weightlifting and etc. I forgot the name of the island that was nearby California. They stop using that because how inhumane it is. Isn't that what suppose to be for those people who doesn't have a heart and for those who are cold-blooded? That's how they should be treated. Treat other people the way you wanted to be treated. If you treated them as heartless then you should be in prision where's inhumane. It is not a freedom of having porn magaizines, weight-lifting, good cook food, tv's, warm shower, and etc. Oh, I heard that the prision foods are better than school food. It's better not be that true. It should be the opposite.

Exuse me for being a little too passionate about certain things. *grin*

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

How true for me. I do dislike religious gururs and leaders for I do feel they are charlantans. I do find my own spiritual path that I never thought I did. After all the time the answer is in your heart and soul. As I mention before how to get to know your soul and how to look inside of yourself? Go to the mirror and look deeply in your eyes. I know it may be sound silly but as the old saying "The eyes are the window to your soul." It's true for me. I dunno about others. Whatever they have their own relationship with the divine.

Your Irish Name Is...

Duvessa Sheehan

What's" your Irish Name?

Well, that's interesting since I put my name is Crystal and that's how it is my Irish name.

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

LOL!! Obvious, it's looks very smiliar color of the flower of my blog. It's somewhat pink/purple kind. Now that's funny about me pick that kind of color. Hahahaha. It fits me. Sometimes I didn't realize there are certain things that can be descirbe about you of whatever you picked. There can be many different reasons.

You Should Learn Spanish

For you, learning a language is about career advancement and communication. Knowing Spanish will bring you tons of possiblities for jobs and travel. Bárbaro!

What Language Should You Learn?

I should learn spanish? Oh I see. Mmmm maybe I should hire private instructor to teach me spanish. I like that way better than going to class because it's focus on group or hearing people expect you to speak. I usually like private tutor. I notice I do better on my grade. I did have private tutor back in High School and Community College. It is really helps me a lot for one on one better than a group or class.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Off to see the wizard...

*grin*

Well, today is my off day. I enjoy so much and relaxing. It's such a beautiful day today. I went to shop downtown with my mom. She and I explore around. Afterward, we went to cheesecake factory. My mom wants to try chicken biscuit. I refuse to try that because it is very similar as chickenpot pie. I never really like that much. What my mom ordered that it looks so fresh. It has white gravy. Now, I do not like most white gravy in any kind of resturant because it's toooo salty or toooo thick. However, I did taste some of my mom's, it was fantastic! Absoultely dealious. The white gravy is perfect! I told mom try it. She did and she love it! She was rejecting it first place and assuming that she didn't like it. Instead, she pour all over on the chicken, biscuit, carrots, and peas. Oh, I never really care much about peas but that one is a good one. Next time, I will order that chicken and biscuit. It's really good.

We didn't order dessert because we want to try out that special yogurt ice cream. It is another excellent taste. I did try that chocolate sugar-free and it taste sooo sweet like a real sugar. I find it hard to believe that it is sugar-free. This time it is piscoute (some kind of nuts flavor). My mom likes it. I didn't care that much. I choose the cookie dough yogurt. It's good! I hope maybe next time I would be able to get that sugar-free chocolate. It's my favorite. My mom is hoping to get that next time, too.

Oh, good news, I have 3 days off next week. Tues, Wed, and Sat are my days off. YEAH! Can you guess what's so special for next Friday to come? (not this Friday but next week Friday). *grin* If you can't guess, You'll have to wait until next Friday for me to tell ya. *wink*

Oh, do you see that dog in the picture? That dog looks almost similar as my dog. She has a bit more white on her chest. And a white line from her nose to her foreheard but overall. That dog looks so much like Reese. So cute... Huh?

Weather is nice, today.

Beautiful weather, I was tempting to call my work that I wouldn't be able to come to work. However, I didn't. I needed the money so I can pay off my bills and hopefully go back to graduate school. I'm still not sure if I really want to go back to school. I'm really bored with school. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy learning and studying but I feel like half of my life is school. Well, since preschool and all the way to University, that's pretty much half of my first life.

Today's work are mostly adult working there. There isn't anybody who's younger working there today. Lucky me! I don't have to deal with young people who's giving me hard times. I just can't wait for Wed is my day off. *sigh* I'm really looking forward to that. A day off is alwyas the best!

Overall, my family, two small creatures, and I are doing good. Oh, there's a small and short agruement with my mom and I kinda won but she refuse to admit. *grin* I did prove my point. Haha! Pppffftttttt to my mom.

The gangs

The world's most dangerous gang have already spending to 33 states started from Los Angeles, CA in 1980's. It's called MS 13. Once joined that gang and never be able to leave. You'll be dead if you would try to leave. That's what I was watching on Explorer channel. It's amazing. Almost like Al Capone in 1920's, well known famous gang leader in America.

Also, I never heard of Mafia before until I look up and I notice Godfather the movie. I kept hearing that movie but never watch it. I also saw on tv but I kept missing the beginning. Mom suggestion to watch on History channel because they usually gave facts in between. I hope that I would be able to catch it one day to watch that movie or buy one. Sometimes it is best to buy one instead of waiting for commerical finish. I dislike the commericals. I find them annoying.

.....
.....
Off to see the wizard. What I meant is change the subject.

At work was okay. That same girl is giving me hard time again. Which I already knew that she would. How typical of her. One of my guy friend (who I used to have a crush on) once told me "There's always one or 2 bad apples in the group. No matter where you are, at work, at church, or any group of organization." He's right about that. (I'm glad that I didn't married him. I know I would be unhappy as a pastor's wife. A good chance that I would get a divorce.)

Anyway, my parents and I are doing good. TT and Reese are doing okay. The weather gets chill to warmer and from warmer to chill. It's back and forth. I still can't wait for chilly days. If so, I would miss swimming. I love to swim. I hope to have a chance to swim one last time this Wedensday. I heard that it it would be 80's degree. This coming Wed is my day off and so is Saturday.

Quote of the day, "Your soul will save your life once you get to know your soul." ~from me

If you want to know how, go look into your eyes in the mirror. The old saying "Eyes are the window to the soul."

Interesting.**Editing

Sorry about down below that there is very small and fine prints. No body can read that. Well, I know I can't. Anyway...

Men lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better.


Extroverts tend to lie more than introverts, Feldman found in similar research involving a job-interview situation. Respectly from this website: Why we lie? (I lost the website. Sorry, I will go back to find it when I have a chance.)

I thought that was very interesting about extroverts tend to lie more than introverts. I didn't know that. I'm intorvert, I rarely lie. I did caught myself lie is just to make the other person feel better. I notice that I do that sometimes. I do notice that women do lie just by make me feel better which I already knew better

I remember one time I had an beautiful outfit. There's a guy who said that my outfit doesn't make me pretty. It makes me looks pale. I did felt insult. I left and cried. There's a lady who comes in the bathroom and asked me what's wrong? I told her about it. She said, "no, that's not true, you looks beautiful with that outfit." I said, "You were just saying that to make me feel better." I caught her off-guard. She was totally unexpected. She said, "No, that isn't true. That dress looks great on you." I said, "Thanks." She seems satified with that and left. However, I went back to my cabin (that time it was summer camp) and changed. I came back. That guy said that he was sorry that he offended me. I told him that's okay. At least, you were telling the truth. I didn't mention even though it is kinda too bold upfront. I came home and I put on that outfit again. I asked my mom, "Does that outfit makes me looked pale?" I knew that my mom is telling the truth. She always does. She looked at me with my outfit and she said, "yes, it does." I said, "Thank You." That is the answer I want to hear. I get rid of the outfit

Now, I did notice that men tend to lie just by make themselves look better and that I consider a big turn-off. I dumped a guy before because of that. LOL Seriously, I never like those kind of guys who only think of themselves and not others. It's interesting because I'm a woman and I do think of others before me most of the times. Or I manage to think of both ways as in benfits for both of us.

I'm getting sleepy.
Good nite.

At work

Well, I don't remember if I mention this before or not. I've try to find the story and I couldn't. If this story seem familar then feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Few days ago, one of my co-worker, who can be bitchy n' nice. One night, she told me that I can go home. Something about in her face expression seem like trying to fool me. I decided to follow my guts. I told her that I will listen to my boss or boss's boss. She seem kinda disappointed in her face expression that she couldn't fool me or something. It is something that I don't feel right about this.

Today, one of my boss, she asked me if the workers in the dept were communicate with me okay. I told her, "yes." I notice that they have been trying to communicate and they have been patience most of the time. Few moment later, I decided to speak up, "There's something else that I would like to say." She listen and I explain to her about the co-worker as I mention ealier. She asked me who. I wasn't sure that was a good idea but I did told her. She said that she will not mention my name or anything. She told me that she will talk to her boss about that situation. She said that next time anything happens like that please tell her or her boss. She also said that she will talk to that co-worker about it.

I felt a little bit better afterward. At the same time, I have the guts feeling that the co-worker will know who and she may not be happy about it. I really don't care if I got her into trouble and she's unhappy; however, I'm having the guts feelings that she may tried to give me another hard time in a different situation. I just hope not. Plus, she may gave me slient treatment or something. Wait and see in the future. I hope things will work out.

Well, there is nothing else new. My family and I are doing okay. My dad is having a week off. He's been doing the front and backyard work. Reese is helping my dad and follow him everywhere he goes. TT is either asleep upstair or outside in the backyard. The weather is getting cooler since yesterday and today. I'm looking forward for my Friday off. I wonder what's my scheduale next week. Mmmm, I forgot to look at it. I need to remember to look at it tomorrow while I'm at work.

Quote of the day, "We have the power to choose. It is a choice to reject or accept the facts of everyday in our lives." ~ from me.

Website

I've try to use angelfire (dot) com for free website. I don't like commerical but it would be good for me to learn how to use a website by playing around. So far, I have no luck. I really do not know how to do that. It is same with geoCities yahoo (dot) com. Even though they did explain how to use it. No matter how much I've been trying but it is still no luck. I couldn't figure it out. I even try to play around with it. I hope maybe I'll try again later. Maybe I will get some luck. It would be nice if someone sitting next to me and talk to me of how to use website in front of the computer. It would help me to know how to use it. Sometimes words of instruction isn't always that helpful. It would be better to have some kind of picture or something that I can see through visual. I remember that I took a computer class and I have a book of whole lists of how to use Excel, Access, powerpoint, and etc. That book has words instruction plus pictures. Now that really helps a lot for me. I can do that without the teacher. Unfortuntatly thru the internet, it only gave words insturction and there is no picture to show step by step. That wasn't helpful. So, I couldn't help but wonder how do you do that?

I need some kind of visual not words. Words aren't that helpful most of the times. I like when I recieve boxes and open them up. Whatever it is in it, I enjoy reading instruction *with* pictures. It works for me. Without the picture, I'm totally at lost. I remember one time I took back in Middle School. It show the box that is already made from screws and rods. I have rods and screws all over on the table that haven't put in together. The metal box is on top of cabnet. The man said you can look at it there while I make another one just like that metal box. Only thing is I have to do is put them together. Which it is work great for me, I'm use to visual cue. I couldn't do without it.

Got any suggestion?

No Title #3

I think.

Anyway, I'm so glad that Tuesday is free day for me. However, I need to do the cleaning and possible going out with my mom so my mom can find some shoes for her outfit. We might stay and look around in the mall.

At work is okay. Just everything still the same rotinue. I'm just glad that there were thunderstorm and heavy rain because there are not so many people showing up. It makes it more easier and less cleaning. Haha. Most of time, I just sit down.... Well, not that much, I did help out with clothes that brought from the back. There were few boxes with lotsa of clothes. I just help out hanging those clothes. So it really helps to relax. Oh, I like one gal there. She's really sweet and thoughtful. I never saw her before until now. She seem like she had been working there for quite a while. Maybe we just haven't met because of our schedule are different. I hope to see her more often in the future.

9/11

Today is Monday of 9/11. It has been 5 years. WOW! That's long?!? I mean, I do remember so strong as yesterday of what happen on that day.

Where was I?

I remember my professor informed a month ahead that he has doctor appointment at 9/11 and he would not be able to show up the class to teach. I was lucky that I can sleep in the morning. I don't have class until 1pm. I did got up at 9 am; however, I decided not to turn on tv as I normally do. I don't know why I decided not to that morning as I was getting ready. Afterward, I went to the building to meet my other teacher since I have question about Chemistry homework. I know her office hour is at 10am to 10:30am. So, I show up about 10:15am. I thought I do have enough time since it is just one question. As I walk up on the first floor where the large room in the middle of the building is usually the place where they sell things once or twice a year such as poster and christmas stuff. I notice so many people crowds and look up. That's where the tv is at. I didn't pay any attention. I just walk it off thinking my homework is more important than that whatever it is. As I go up in the elevator, I arrived. I didn't see my professor. I notice other two seems very busy like something in urgent. Feeling unease, I spotted a guy who shows up. A few second later, my professor is running to her office and running back. That's not normal. She normally walks or walk faster but running. That's different. I knew that something is wrong. I asked this guy, "What's going on?" He asked, "Don't y ou know?" He looked at me like I'm an idoit. I was like, "huh? No, I don't." He explained that possible terrortist destory TWC. At first, it sound like a movie. I find that some kind of joke but I know this guy well enough who would never make a joke. Unless, he sucks at it. Deep down, I knew he's tellling the truth. I start to feel shaking because I knew that the Washington DC is a target and I happen to live in DC area as a Gallaudet student. I gather my things and left. I came downstairs and look at the tv. I saw on tv news. I was in shock. I left to my dorm anxious and nervous. I tried to call my parents. Nothing comes through. All the phones are busy. Cell phones are down. I couldn't get through my parents. I tried everything I could do. I even grab tons of changes to go to pay phone. I would give anything to contact my parents. I know my parents will worry to death if they find out about TWC and planes crash.

I was anxious! There are other students want the pay phone. I told them it is going to take a while because I'm trying to contact my parents, too. They left to try to find another pay phone. I was lucky enough to get it first before others. Somehow, I finally get through my mom. I know my dad is at work. My mom was asleep when I woke her up through the phone ring. I asked my mom that were you asleep? She said, "yes." I asked her, "do not hang up the phone, go to the tv news." She carries the phone with her and turn on the tv. Her respond, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" That was shocking her, too. My mom said, "I need to call your dad." My replied, "Wait, wait, don't hang up, you have no idea how much I'm having hard time call you, mom." I explain about the phone lines and gave her the phone numbe from the pay phone for my mom to call me back in speaific time. Hopefully that no one there on the pay phone. So in couple hours, as I was watching the news. My roommate shows up. She said that the school is cancel. We continue to watch. It was shocking experience.

As I waited by the pay phone, I hear the phone rings. I answered. My mom said "hi" then she broke down crying so my dad have to take over. My dad is usally strong person to manage to hold his emotion. My mom couldn't. She can easy break down. After we spoke for a while, my dad asked me to come home, now. I told him, "no". My mom begged me to come home. It was heartwrench to hear that. I know that there are so many cars backing up traffic while people are coming home or getting their kids. I explained that I might not be able to get home in couple days because of traffic jam. Plus, I told my parents that the kids are stuck here. Their parents couldn't get their kids. The kids are on Gallaudet campus but seprated. There are many volunteer Gallaudet students helping out and bring pillows and blankets. Many are volunteer to stay overnight with the children because of parents couldn't come to get them. There's road block and traffic jam. My parents finally calm down after we talk for several hours. Espeically when I was reasoning with them that it is impossible for me to come home, *now*. We plan to contact again later on tonight before I go to bed. I couldn't remember if I was able to sleep or not that night. All I remember I did stay up most of the night and wondering if that going to happen again soon.

Oh, I almost forgotten, I did saw the smoke from the pentgon where the plane crashed there. It was sooo surreal and seem so much like a dream as I was standing there in awe as I looking out through the window. I realize how close we were to the White House and Pentgon.

I remember that one of my professor mention that he left around 11pm and didn't get home about midnight with all those traffic jams. I knew I made the right choice to stay at Gallaudet University esepcially, I'm driving pass by the pentgon on highway. By the time, it was Thanksgiving, I was able to glance few times where the plane hit. It seem like the plane had removed but the building are still have a lot of damage on one small side area. I'm glad that the plane didn't destory the whole building like WTC did. Also, I'm glad that the 4th plane crashed at Shanksville, PA, not in DC area.

This picture is small but that is WTC behind it and ocean below.

That's sign language means

God Bless America!!

From the short lyric, I remember this song.

Oh beautiful, for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood,

from sea to shining sea.

Discrimination

Last night after I pour out my depressing mood. Slowly, I start to feel better. I decided not to give up. I got full of energy and start looking, again. There are so many choices and there's a company that I would like to contact.

I had forgotten that today is Sunday. While I was at work during my 15 minutes break, I called one company thru relay via using a person to voice my type to the hearing person on the phone.


This is exact words from him that I copy and paste it. (MALE) means a male voice and () is usually the opr talks. GA (or ga) means Go Ahead, and SK (or sk) means Stop Keying or hang up. Here it is... While the opr explain to the man what is relay means,
***copy, paste***

>>>(MALE)WHY WOULD THEY NEED TO MAKE A CALL LIKE THIS QQ JUST TELL HIM TO FORGETIT(CALLED PARTY HAS HUNG UP)(ANOTHER CALL Q GA)

>>>call back and said because i'm deaf. ga

>>>>(REDIALING)RINGING 1...2...(MALE)I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WORK WITH THE CALLER JUST TELL HIM I'M NOT INTERESTED HOW AM I GOING TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO'S DEAF I'M NOT INTERESTED!(CALLED PARTY HAS HUNG UP)(ANOTHER CALL Q GA)
***End of copy, paste***

I did try call again to explain that I have the right to sue for discrimination and I have a prove but this guy refuse to respond. He let the phone rings. So I hang up afterward. That makes me soooo #$#$%!! I realize afterward that today is Sunday and that man answered the phone. That's strange. Normally, it would be an answer machine, right?

Anyway, I'm thinking about go in person at the company. I have to find the direction for that. *sigh* I'm off on Tuesday and Friday. However, this Tuesday, I need to give my dog a bath. On Friday, I rather not go anywhere because of all the traffic due to people who wants to go home early. Mmmm, I have to think about that, huh? I even thought about taking my dog to the grooming place and let them bath her but question is how much is it cost?

Well, let you know that I'm no longer drepressing but #$%!! MMMmmm, not really, at this moment, I'm tired. It's been a long day. I didn't went to bed until about 4am last night after I got my energy back. I should express my feelings more often. I notice that it does help me feel better afterward.

Since, I've feeling a little bit better, I was able *somewhat* enjoy at work. My legs and feet are killing me. My right foot is in a sharp pain tonight before I left work. I wonder if I hurt my foot? I may not span my foot but maybe some kind of bruise it without seeing the blue-purplish. I'm attempting to call at work that I wouldn't be able to make it. That means I would not working Monday and Tuesday?? What kind of exuse that I can use? I want honest exuse or something vague. MMMm I wonder if I could ask my dad a favor? He's good at doing that in a honest way and not show up at work.

Wait and see, how I feel about that tomorrow.

mmmm, let me see what else is new? There isn't anything new as far as I know. Everything else is okay. My family and I are doing good. So is TT (short for Tom-Tom, the cat) and Reese, the dog. As far as I know things are going okay.

Oh, I just saw a real live skunk running across the street. It has short legs and long tail. At first, I thought, that can't be a cat and look up on the side and saw white streak in the back to tail. That's when I knew that's a skunk. I never thought I would see one but I did.

And other day I was swimming, I spotted up-close the hawk flying just right above my house. It's amazing!
Okay, I better close up for the day and get to bed before it's getting late.

Creepy smiles

As I was working in shoe dept, there's a man approach to me and asked me if I'm working here. I nodded. He asked me, "you have ballet shoes here?"I answered, "yeah, we do." He gave most creepy smiles as I show him where's ballet shoes. That smiles seem so much reminded me of my EX. I manage to not let that bother me. I asked, "what size?" He said "Five." I showed him the little girls area for ballet shoes. He replied, "no, I'm buying for my mom." I was like, "oh!" then I thought for few second,"mmm not I know of." He gave another creepy smiles. He replied unhappy tone in his voice, "It's same at San Deigo, California! ...." I lost what he said at the ending part as he walked off. *Geez, then why are you coming here and already knew the answer, stupid?!* Instead, I said, "Sorry." *NOT*, that was comes in my mind as I walked off. I knew that guy has NPD from the moment that he gave the creepy smiles.

Anyway.

*Warning ahead* *Warning ahead* *Warning ahead*
Let you know this is kinda depressing since I'm in a depressing mood.

Working there is soooooo boring! It's same, same, same, and same old routine. Just pick up the shoes and put it back where it belongs. Gathering Infant clothes from the fitting room to put them back where they are belong. I have to re-organize the sizes of the clothes on the rack. Pick up the things that people left behind that isn't belong in the area to give to another person who responsible in the certain dept all day long. Walking back and forth, lucky, I was able to sit down for 15 minutes break before lunch and take 30 minutes lunch and have second 15 minutes break. Sometimes I strench to 20 minutes break, not always. If they caught me, I would use the an exuse that I lost track and I will use 10 minutes break for the next break instead but no one caught me for that so far. *knock on the wood* I remember my previous boss once told me that it's okay to be late once in a while for whatever the reasons are, just don't make the habit of it. I liked that. So I try to remind myself not to make an habit of it.

I finally get the hang of it but I hate it. I don't like picking up other people's mess. I do not clean up my mess so why should I?? Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know I'm getting paid for it. It's cheap! Not worth a sh**! I would give anything to have paid raise quickly as possible. I did wrote down speaific money for an hour and doesn't have me for that certain hour money. *sigh* Like I said, I'm not happy with this at all.

The workers are chatting to help to make their times go faster as they work. Sometimes, it would be nice to understand what they are saying to help me to able to keep on working. I feel like I'm back to the old ways while I was in hearing schools. Truth is I'm use to grow up a lot of isolate. I do social once in a while. I just dislike to be around with someone who isn't honest. I remember one girl who always drainging my energy by just talking (NPD) (that time I didn't know). I stop hanging out wiht her because of her drain my energy. I befriended with someone else, she stole my lunch money. I borrowed one of my teacher and I did paid her back later. I never befriended her again. I made a new friend, she's nice and bitch which is borderline personality (again, that time I didn't know). At least, she's honest and doesn't steal. Until someone backstabbing about me and she hate me and never sit down to discuss with me to clear up the misunderstanding. It's always one thing or another. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around soap oprea *live* which I never watch it but I do get the idea what's about. Sometimes I do feel like an outsider.

After I went to Gallaudet, I've realize how much I've miss a lot of social life. It's like I've been catching up and my native is gone once I learned so many hard ways. I never felt so much joy there. There is a rocky road for me while I was there but it's worth it. Gallaudet made me realize who am I! Without Gallaudet, I would never know. I'm glad that I went.

Now, I'm back to the hearing world. I can tell there are some people who I couldn't trust. There's a worker told me that I can leave. I told her, "no, because I've already discuss with my boss, I couldn't leave until my boss told me to." Something about in her face expression like "Darn! I couldn't fool her." That's really upsetting me. I know that there are so many bullies are out there including adults. Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting tired of fighting. I've fight 2 bully guys and one bully girl. Yes, I do physical fights. It is only time when I fed up that the bullies wouldn't stop giving me hard times over and over and over. No matter how much I resistance, the bullies still wouldn't stop that's when I finally fed up and tackle them down. I got trouble once and other I manage to get away without getting caught and same with him. I only have a quick and short fight. Something that is fast and unexpected. They got embarrassing and left. They didn't bother me every since. One is not at school but at the party. She's strong but not that strong. I almost drown her in the pool at the pool party. I strongly remember there's a sharp pain in my heart that's what made me let go of her. Look back, it's kinda funny because she wave her hands out of the water fantic like what you see on tv. It looks exact the same as tv the movement of panic and etc but I let her go. I admit that I got cocky and she pissed off and slap real hard in my back. I was on the steps and turn around and attack her again. That was a longest fight compare with other 2 guys.

There's another guy who tried to rape me, I'll be d*** to let him and I fought against him too. He was totally shocked that I fight against him and I left quickly.

Like I said, I'm getting tired of fighting and I'm getting tired of bullies. Even though I get tired of them I still fight against them in a different way now. I don't do physical. I admit that I was very *close* to hit two of my ex-boyfriend but I never across that line *pat my back* However, I still challege them with my words just like any other bullies.

*sigh* Despite my lousy english, spelling, and mistype, there are a lot of hearing people were surprised that I'm smart. Yes, there are a lot of deaf people are not so smart; however, there are a lot of deaf people are very smart. I even know some are smarter than me that sometimes I wish I have half of their brain to make my job a little easier. Believe me, I know that there are some people out there. I kept amazing to hearing co-workers about my suggestions and ideas at work that they never did thought of even it is most simple things. I feel like this is getting too old.

One of my co-worker, who used to be sunday school teacher at church teaches deaf people. When I asked her, "why is the lady (who is works at different dept.) asked me if I ever work at cashier here before?" My co-workder kept on and on explaining which is base on one word, "Do you mean just in case they neeeded a *back-up* if the lines are getting longer like in Christmas times?" She was awed, "You're so smart." Geez, I wonder why? My respond, "Thanks" *I think.*

I feel like of wanna to get out of there and work something science-y related. Something I can use my brain. I feel like I'm working at the store like a brainless job. I feel like that is for 18 years old people works there. I don't deserve this at all. I know a lot of elder people works there, too. I like hang around them because they have so much experiences such as rasing children and having grandchildren. They seems so nice better than 18 years old people who haven't experience of adulthood, yet. I feel like I'm kinda in the middle. I know I seems like I'm 18 years old by my appearce and maybe seem naive?? Maybe my appearce seems naive but I know that I'm not and I'm going to keep proving them wrong for judging me the first place. I will keep on challege them even though I am getting tried of fighting in a different way not physical.

I feel like everywhere I go is brainless job even the internship that I once went to. It's brainless job, a very few using brain is for the presentation. *sigh*

When I mention I'm getting tired and feel like giving up. I just need to find a way, even it is hardest way but I hope that I can bypass or something.

There's always hope.

Intense feeling

Wow! After watching 2 hours worth of two different shows from The Learning Channel (TLC), it's really amazing me. That is very intense moment.

And nope, I'm not kidding about some texas people did wear a jacket. I've witness. My mom said must be thin blood. Whatever that is, they're wearing it.

Anyway, I've been dealing with one annoying costumer and 3 are nice costumers, today. I didn't realize it can be emontional drainage. I know one of them has NPD because of my emontional drainage like a vaccum absorb my energy away. However, I went ahead and took my other 15 minutes break. It suppose to be one 15 minutes break if ya have short hour of working but not today. Even though I have short hours and I already used up 15 minutes, I went ahead and do the second without anyone knows about it. *hopefully* If they caught me, it is usually by warning from what I understand. So, I took advantage to sit down for my second time around of 15 minutes. Normally, I would read a book but instead, I choice to close my eyes and medicate to have my energy back. It helps. I do know that my soul would refill the energy for me when I needed.

Ya know, after all those years of my empty heart and searching for something to fullfillment. Nothing ever works of every where I search within and outside. People kept saying it is there somewhere but they never tells me *how?* Then I realize that is because they really do *not* know how and their hearts are empty as much as I am.

One thing I do know that I did have very *low* self esteem so extremely low that I almost killed myself because of that. So many years, teachers, parents, family, and few older adults who I trust the most. All kept saying, look in the mirror and find out what you like about certain things like color of eyes, hair, and the lips. Maybe notice the laughing lines and a nice smile. Also, accept things that can not be change (unless ya wanna go to plastic surgery, which I recommend *not*) Also, saying something like "I like myself." and etc until you get use to it as become second nature that would help to boost self esteem. It does helpful, however; my heart is still empty. I mean I finally accept my outside appereance. I like the color of my eyes, hairs, and my natural smile. Only thing I do not like is my nails. It's so thin and soft. I try to drink lotsa of milk and eating yougert for several years. Sometimes cheese because it does have a lot of fat but lucky now they have low fat cheese. I finally accept the fact that I can't have nice real nails other than just put the fake ones. There are some things that I dislike but I've learn that's is part of who I am that God created me to be.

Like I said, my heart is still empty even though I finally boost my self esteem. More story to tell later...

It's getting late.

I'm a stag

Well, I took another quizlla (dot) com and my result for my "What's your inner Spirit totem Animal?" The Stag. You are protected by the spirit of the deer, swift of foot and of mind; you keep true to yourself while thinking of the good of the herd. You are an independant and free spirit, capaple of solemnity and of true bravery. As long as you stay honest with yourself the Stag will protect and serve you well. Your quote: "If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself" It sound like me. *grin*

Okay, here I am. Look like I'm able to have time to get online tonite. How's it going? Things are okay. My parents and two pets are doing good. I'm doing okay, too. Thank goodness that my mom isn't have any guilt-trip since my cousin's wife put her in a spot. I admit that I am hoping that we are doing the right thing. I'm pretty sure that we are.

Here's something a little bit funny. After I've been working for clothings at the store, I was at the downtown a different store. I was just check out what they have and stop by at the clothing store. I almost did what I normally do at the work. I caught myself before I continue and place back where it has been misplace. Ha. I couldn't believe that I did that. I wonder if my habit will continue like that in other stores?

Anyway, I'm so glad that the weather had been raining since last week. It really helps to cool things down here. Even though it is 80 degrees, it still feel so much cooler better than 110 degrees. The wind is blowing so nicely. There's a mild humid but still so much nice. Ya know what's so funny? I spotted to some Texas people are actually wear jackets and sweaters. I try not to laugh. It's kinda funny. Something tells me that they are not so use to that chilly weather and I'm willing to bet they would freeze their butts off if they ever go up North during Fall and/or Winter.

That reminds me that I do know one girl who from AZ and she said that 70 degree is very nice since she finally know how it felt to be freezing at Washington DC while many other people kept saying that it's too COLD. I admit that I was kinda puzzle by that and since I was here. Now I know how HOT it was for 110 to 120 degree and many people are use to that. They are not use to the degree 70 to 80 degree are very nice weather.

Oh, didn't anybody watch Animal Planet where the man who seem crazy enough to get himself killed? Almost being biten by Crodildle, snakes, and many other pretader. Well, that man got killed. I asked, "is it from the crocoidle?" Nope, it wasn't. Turn out that man try to pet a large string ray. It's about 7 foot wide long. Somehow that Ray was being starlted and strung him striaght into the heart. He was still alive and decided....

Never never never never never never never and I said again, Never never never never never never never EVER pull it out. Doesn't matter what kind of objects nails, knife or anything that periced into the heart (or nearby). Leave it alone and go to hostptial, that would give you better chance to survive

but that man decided to pull it out and that's what killed him. I've been watching a lot of Untold stories of ER, Medical mircles, 911 rescue and etc. That's how I know that you are *not* suppost to pull it out. Knife, ax, and nails (that are 4 to 6 inches) are the example of anywhere in the body parts including legs, arms and the back. Just leave it alone, chances that there might be main aurtery and it can kill you if you pull it out. So call 911 and go to hostpial . That would increase a chance to save your own life.

I hope that someone is reading this and will remember.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Cuz, it’s Christian things to do

My mom said that she’s concern and hoping the good Lord would forgive her for not helping cousin’s wife. She said that it is a Christian things to do to help others. I felt like of wanna to say, “Geez, that’s ridiculous, I couldn’t believe that ya said that.” However, I refuse to say that. Instead, I remind my mom again that she has NPD. She will do anything to get your money until you hang dry. I told her that there’s nothing you can do. She made her choice to tell you the lie. It’s her fault for causing you suspious like last time. It makes sense that you can’t trust her again. That’s a normal respond. God would understand that. He wouldn’t blame you for having guts feelings. That’s what God give you for to trust your instinct if something tells you it’s wrong. It’s cousin’s wife will have to face God for taking advantage of you, mom. You did the right thing. I know how much you want to help her kids so she knew your soft spot and she will take advantage of that. Again, there is no way you can help the kids. She is using the kids to get through anybody and everything will be on her. She's the center of attention. That's what I told my mom. She seems feeling a little bit better.

It's like we are giving the person a fish to feed one day instead of teaching that person how to fish will feed her/himself for lifetime. So, we are giving the money instead of teaching them how to stand on their own feet. If they refuse to learn then leave because it isn't worth your time to teach those who refuse to learn. I remember when I met some people who are SO smart and yet, SO dumb. I often wonder how in the world they live?? Now, I know, they are taking advantage of us just because it is Christian things to do (or any other religions).

Also, few years ago, one girl who is in the wheelchair needed a lift to go to airport. She said she have no way to go. I asked my parents about that. They said they can't and they approch her and asked her if there is another way you can go for? She said no. My mom said, "we have no choice but to take her because it is a christian things to do" It's funny. The day, we are taking the wheelchair girl to the airport. This guy approach her and asked her, "did you find a ride, if not, I will take you there." The whole time, she said that she doesn't have a ride and she lied. I stood there and realize the whole situation and how inapproarate to do that.

It's funny, I couldn't remember who said that but I remember someone who isn't a mormon religion mention I rather to ask Mormon people to help us moving and etc because that's Mormon have to do is to help other people. By helping others are a way to earn to get to heaven. I thought that wasn't very nice things to do by taking advantage of someone's belief. Now, I know.

I notice that there are so many NPD are church-goers, that’s another main reason why I don’t go. It make sense that they are using people and take advantage of their guilt trip because they have to help others because it is Christian things to do. That is also explain why so many Christian people and including me feeling so emotional drainage. It makes sense. Other things that make sense is that they stop going to church because they weren't happy or didn't find good spiritual there. Now that's explain I like this statement by Jesus, "God is all around you and within you, not the madison of stone or wood (church), lift the stone, you'll find me, split a wood, I'm there. So God is all around us and inside of our hearts." I do know that cousin's wife is a church-goer, too.

That's another reason why we are having hard time saying no. We are having hard time to set up the boundary. Most of the time, I don't care about what other people thinks but I do admit that once in a while I do have hard time to say no when they asked for help. Sometimes I do have hard time setting a boundary and sometimes I can be passive and sometimes not. My mom is passive a lot. She have hard time saying no. She always have guilt trip. I looked back and realize that my mom was teaching me to do the opposite of what she had been through. Meaning, she teaching me not to have guilt trip and don't worry about what other people thinks. She kept constantly reminding me about that. My mom doesn't want me to go through the same thing she's going through. That's why I manage not to worry about what other people thinks and able to stand up for myself, most of the time. I'm still human and I do have some weakness but not as much as my mom. She has more weakness than I do. I think because my mom was raise by NPD mother who constantly putting my mom guilt-trip and tries everything she can do to please her mother. So, she doesn't know how to stand up. However, she manage to put me guilt-trip sometimes. I notice. I've manage to set my sheild there.

I also notice that I've set myself a shield of every guy I meet and every people I meet since I left my second EX. Mainly, I do not want to fell in love with wrong guy. I rather take things easy and slow before I able to release my shield. At the same time, remain true to yourself. When nessearcy to protect yourself is to walk out and never look back. Only times to look back is to learn not to make the same mistake twice.

OFF SUBJECT:
Here's a funny moment but first, hearing people, if you are reading this then I'm sorry that I might sound offensive but it's cute and funny story.

Here it is:
When deaf people and I are going out to restuarant, we sat on the table. It is almost always, the waiter come to our table and start fast talking or babbling on and on about the special prices for the day or something new that isn't in the menu. We just sit there and look at her to let her finish her presentation that we do not understand. Finally, she asked, "what do you want for a drink?" That's when I able to understand and start signing to other deaf "What kind of drink do ya want?" Everybody opens their menu and using their fingers to point on the menu of what they want. Often time I notice the waiter realize how much fool they feltby babbling on and on to the deaf people. I can see their face expression that they feel like an idiotic. Other times, I notice their face expression like "oh!" with the lip shape of O. They couldn't believed that they kept talking for nothing. Also, I can see thier faces are red, sometimes. I try not to laugh when I see that plus I do felt sorry for their embrassing moment.

Well, I'm going to work at the store for a long week. So, I may not be online for quite a while.
~Good Nite~