Fantasy

Reading a book or watching tv shows. We do have fantasy and dreams. Without those, is like without a soul walking on Earth. Fantasy, dreaming and daydreaming help us to keep ourselves alive to continue to have hope. That's what I think.

What's your most secert dreams? What kind of desires to hope to accomplish? What kind of fantasy do you have? It doesn't have to be sexual desire or share something that is too personal.

When I watch tv of animal planet, I saw some people create a sanctary for animals. There is one in Florida (I think) for horses. When horses are no longer in races or time to retire, they have no place to put them so they put them to sleep. Instead, there is a older couple created sanctary for horses. So, they have places to stay and run free.

I watch another animal farm, I think here in Texas is that for more of exoctic animals such as elephants and tigers and etc. It is usually called "mad elephants". People label them mad elephants even they are being raised by humans and trained them to be a good creature. Little did they realize, some baby elephants had witness their mothers had killed. They are very intellent creatures. Something brought flashback memory for the adult elephant by realize that he/she lost their mother. We still don't know what provoking them. Maybe a smell, sound, or sight might have cause them to change to become mad elephants.

What's really sad part is that, people who killed elephants for the Irvory Tusks and abandoning the baby elephants. They manage to live either with other group or alone. Now, they do not have mothers to teach what's proper behavior and etc. They did a lot of unusual and unpredectable behavior. So, we misinterpret them as mad elephants.

It is nice to see that some people who are open-minded and study animal psychology to gain to understand what's affecting them as to compare ourselves. That's my idea. It is a theory but I think it is excellent theory of today's socity of parents who doesn't teach children's behavior of what's right and wrong. But it happens from generation to generation, weather or not it happen but help us to understand ourselves of what's happening to us.

Unless, someone pointed out that it had already been research. I dunno. Maybe I can find out?

Anyway, the whole point I was talking about fantasy and dreams. I like the idea of created a sanctary for animals in my home with large several acres. Same time, I know it is not easy to do because of responibility, money, foods and etc. It is a commitment and know what kind of animals. It is best to understand them before I can let them be in my homeland. The main question.... would I be able to handle that? Or would there be any volunteers who would be willing?

Obvious, I'm animal lovers. *grin*

Don't lose your nerves

That's what my mom said. Don't lose your nerves.

I did contact several companies for relate to my education. All had same respond, "I didn't recieve your resume." Well, Geez! That's what they said 4 weeks ago and I called again second around and mention that they didn't recieve it and I send them again. Until I called and asked if they recieved them and yet they didn't.

I did asked them to send me an email when they recieved my resume and I have not recieved one email from any of them (and that's including my friend's job).

Doesn't that seem annoying? My mom said that don't lose your nerves. Remember, your friend, Jennifer took her couple years or so to find job.

I looked at my mom like "Don't remind me" I do not want to wait that long. My mom said that there is a young man at the grocery store did talk about trying to find job relate to his field and express how much frustrated to find it. *sigh*

I spoke to the guy about searching for the job, he said that after 9/11 people reducing their hiring. I wish that 9/11 never happened. Why didn't FBI do their jobs as they are suppose to do to protect the country. What about the president? I don't care who is who is fault and etc or who provoking it. Protecting is very important. I can't help but wonder what if more people from other country (or countries) will do anything just to destory America.

Talk about freedom and dreams here in America doesn't seem like that anymore.

Well, what can I say? Life goes on. I just do my best as I can and go on.

**I'm dreaming of the white Christmas,

just like the one I used to know.**

I'm Nobody! Who are You?

I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

Written by Emily Dickinson.

Did you remember that you were taught in English class about Emily Dickinson? I thought that was most interesting poem that I've read when the English teacher told us our assignment to read it tonight for discussion tomorrow. It is just not one poem but several from Emily Dickinson.

I like it the way she writes. I guess maybe because it is different.

OT: (Just in case, OT means Off Topic)
Well, things are going alright around here. It just that it's soo hot! 110 to 10 for several days. According to my mom said that the A/C is on 76 but it would not go to cool it down. I asked my mom "why? is it so warm in the house?"

Mom told me that it is 81 degree in the house and it would not go any cooler even it is on 76 and A/C keeps on running. Geez!! I can't believe that. I just want to keep things cooler around here. We hardly do anything. I admit that I'm getting bored. Reese is just moping around. She doesn't do much either but wants my attention. Just imagine that border collie knows as high energy and she doesn't want to play. She gets real hot easy.

My mom's cat, Tom-Tom, he also gets bored. He wants to go outside and he doesn't want to go because it is hot. Either that, he will come outside for short time then comes in for long time then go back and forth.

The weather here is awful. When, Reese gets stink then I have to give her a bath. I wated until after 8:30pm so I can give her a bath outside without being in the hot sun. She get thrill of being wet even though she doesn't like to take a bath. After I finish giving her a bath, she's ready to play.

When it is late at night, I thought maybe it would be a little bit cooler but it is not. It feels like about 90 degree. My mom thinks maybe it's 76 degree outside. She decided to check the weather on the weather channel. I was right... Well, one point different, it is 89 degree outside at night. *urgh* I'm willing to go back to South Carolina or North Carolina in the mountians where it is not so hot. There is part of me not motivating to search for job here because of hot weather.

Oh, I almost forgot. I'm not going to Gergoria this August. My parents and I were discussing about several different things and decided not to go to Gergoria and postpone that for next year. Seem like I'm not going to stay Gergoria. FYI: I haven't discuss my parents about my plan to stay Gergoria. There are several things that my parents have to do. As for me, there are several things that I have to do, too.

So, right now, I'm still in job hunting. I didn't realize searching for a job can be tedious. I'm considering to try to do soemthing about it. I even thought about taking my dog to school for training and therapy dog. Maybe apply one? I won't be surprised that I might have to pay for it. I'm going to wait and see about that. There's a lot of option. One thing I do know is that I do feel like I wanna get outta here.

Right now, I feel like there is a spur of moment of wanna to do SOMETHING!

Well, it's getting late. I better get going and go to bed. I have a long day tomorrow. Thanks for taking time to read this and hopefully a feedback or suggestion from the strangers and friends.
Cheer!

True or False?

Once upon a time, I was this young girl who dream of finishing college. Meanwhile, I live in a single room by myself. I was thrilled that I do not have to deal with roommates. Only thing that I have to deal with are suitemates and sharing bathrooms. I'm so glad that I have a door to close whatever I feel like. There is another door for exit and a small hallway where we could put our refrige out of our bedrooms. So we could have extra space in our bedrooms. There are 2 disablity girls one has wheelchair and other has CP (sorry, dunno how to spell). I admit that one of my pet peeve is they do take forever in the bathroom. So I made a habit to take a shower every night.

When the final exams coming around soon during December, I study real hard and went to bed early. I made sure that I have at least 9 hours worth of sleep. I gave myself an hour extra just in case I was restless (in total worth of rest would be 10 hours). I repeating myself that I did my best as I can and try to get some sleep. Plus, I gave myself couple hours worth of excerise since I know it will wear me out enough for me able to sleep. It didn't take that long. I fast asleep. It was around 3am in the morning someone at my door. Part of me wish my first door have peephole but doesn't. I opened the first door, I spotted a cute young guy standing at the 2nd doorway while one of my suitemate had already answer the door. I didn't like that one bit at all because I do not know this guy. I would not answer that door if I do not know who he is especially at 3 o'clock in the morning during final exams. There were a rule of not interfere of other people's study unless there is an emerengecy.

There is something else that I wasn't happy about it is that I wear white long t-shirt to the knee; however, it is very thin. It can see thru my naked body and I have nothing underneath!!

I went behind my own door and asked, "what?"

He said "There is a guy waiting out there and wants to talk to you." I was puzzle. Maybe this guy knows me and can't get in because he lives in different dorm. There was special hours of limited to visit different dorms. I asked, "Where do you live?" I don't know why I asked that wrong question since I was half asleep and my brain wasn't working right. I did slept hard so it give me time to get my brain working.

He was puzzled by my question but answered anyway, "I live in ______." (instert the name of dorm).

Finally, I was able to ask the right question, "Who is he waiting for me?"

He replied, "I don't know, he has short and dark brown hair and wear glasses." Well, I do know my guy friend who was wearing glasses but he doesn't have brown hair but since it is dark outside at cold night. My first thought is that I can see who is he through the window if I know who he is. I was very sleepy. I told him, "okay, let me get dressed with shoes on and I'll go and checked."

He seemed to be very exciting, "Then go downstairs to the basement and go outside then around the back of the building to meet him there."

I was shocked to hear him saying that and that's even bothers me more. I can't believe that my suitemate didn't even closed that *&%@ door!! She just stand there grinning like an idot! *Urgh* I kept my cool, "Huh? Say that again?" I decided to walk closer to him. Even though I do not like it. I started to wish I grab my robe but it is not nearby.

He explained again, "First come out that door then go downstair to the basement....."

I kept nodding as I walking up. Softly putting my hand on the door then slamed right at his face. I think I hurt his foot. I looked at my suitemate and was very unhappy, "Why did you answered??" She said that she doesn't know why and that she wasn't thinking straight. *Arghh* I asked her if she knows him? She said "no."

I can't help but saying this, "Did your mama teach you not to talk to stranger especially at 3 o'clock in the morning??" She kept saying that she doesn't know why.

I wasn't happy about that situation espeically when final exam coming around and I tried to get a long good night sleep so I can get up feeling refresh and study some more. Lucky, my final wasn't come until 1pm but still I want to continue with same rotinue without any interprut. I asked her if she's willing to come with me to go to Campus Sercurity. She whined, "Now?"

I replied, "I think it might be wise thing to do."

We went to the dorm office but it is closed and left the sign for oevernight emergency to contact a room number. We went up to use the doorbell and she answered. I explained what happened and would like to go to report security. She said, "Go down the basement and go out the door to go to Security building. *ARGH* Didn't I just explain where did I suppose to meet a stranger outside of the basement?

Calmly as best as I could, "I said, I suppose to meet a stranger outside of the basement and don't expect me to go out and go to security building!"

She seem fraustrated, "What am I suppose to do?" She is RA and it is her job to know what she's suppose to do! Do you think that I know? Instead, I continue to be calm as best as I can, "Don't you think you're suppose to go down and contact security to have us escort to the sercurity building?" She seemed like doesn't want to do that. It's her job and she's getting paid for putting up with craps so live with it or quit the *&@ job.

She went ahead and went down to the office. She contacted the sercurity. We waited for a little while until the security guy come up and took us there. We took our time to explain every situtation as best we can. Unfortuntatly that guy haven't got caught. *sigh* I wish they did let me look at every person in the picture who live that certain named of the dorm that he mention to me. However, they didn't let me. I know that their security is sucks!

Two Wolves- A poem

Two Wolves
A wise Grandfather from the Cherokee First-People's Nation, whose grandson came to him with anger at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said "Let me tell you a story.

I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way."

"But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf wins Grandfather?" The Grandfather solemnly said "The one I feed."(author unknown)

So, which one did you feed?? That's depend on entirely on you and your choice of which one that you feed the most.

I like that poem and I agree with that.

No Title tonight

So, how things going?

As I was typing, Reese is asleep. I can hear her aof, aof sound and it is not woof or bark sound. Her lips look like what you see on cartoons... Hard to explain than I thought. Her legs moved. I do mean all 4 legs and her eyes moved, too. I know that she has REM and she is dreaming something. Maybe chasing lizard that she tries to chase for few months, now. So cute!

Oh good news! I've lost one size down! Whoa-hoo! Finally! I feel like it takes forever. LOL. I just need to be patience and patience. I've been swimming lately plus once in a while walk my dog when the weather is nice. Most of the time, Reese would run around the pool while I'm swimming. Knowing she get hot real easy and sometimes she refuse to go inside no matter how hot she is. She refuse to get in the pool. So I usually wet her with the hose. She didn't like it but she gets real exciting afterward. She knows the water will cool her down. She plays, again.

It's nice to have swimming pool in the backyard. It helps to keep me cool and that I can play with her during hot summer, too.

Oh another good news! I've got tanned. Some people find it hard to believe that I got some tanned espeacially having adburn hair. I guess I got some Indian blood. Hee Hee. It's so nice of not having too white skin and sometimes I look so pale.

Thanks to the sun! And knowing I would get some Vitamin D. I hope that I can be a little bit careful of not getting too tanned because I do not like rough skin. I like to take care of myself and my body. It's nice that way when I watch my eating habit and excerise. I'm taking one step at a time in healthy way, not try to lose weight too fast or chances that it will gain double of what you previous weight. I'm glad that I'm taking my time to watch and learn other people of how they lose weight and gain back. Try to lose weight is a lifetime commitment, we can't just lose weight and then go back the old habit. It is best to continue and depend on invidual people who can do what they can. I quit cold-turkey in certian food or drink types one at a time. Such as stop drinking soda and that is including diet soda. Later, I stop eating sugar and replace sugar-free once in a while. I increase my eating fiber, veggies, and fruit from time to time. I stop eating potato chips. (it is kinda diffcult to quit potato chips than soda.) I admit I got sidetrack on potato chips but I quit again and hopefully it will be longer this time. I've cut down salts and using herbs more.

It's great! I hope that I would be able to continue that way. I'm looking forward to that. Now, next step might be hard to do. I remember when my friend who has diabetic and she has to eat smaller poition food. I might need to do that by try to budget with my amount of eating such as if you are full then don't continue to eat until you feel like popping and eat when you are hungry. So I'm going to try that out to see how that going for my next step. We'll see.

One thing I didn't know about this part, lifetime commitment as I said earlier, I've realize that now. I'm glad that I know. I also know that it is not that easy but it is going to be worth it. What really important is that take one step at a time and be patience. The good things will happen. When the bad things happen, learn from them, they are the reasons to give us growth and mature. Don't reject the bad things, embrace them. I know it sound silly but it's true use those bad things and turn into positive so the bad things doesn't seem that bad. Use them and learn from them so it would not happen again. Also teach others and hope it would be easier on them who are going through that similar experience that they are not alone.

Do your best as humanly possible to take care of yourself.

Spotted Narissistic

I was watching "Honey, We're killing our kids." I saw 2 young girls and parents are overweight. As I was watching, there is a younger sister who is very shy and having hard time interact with other people. So, the woman encourage her to involve dance class after school so she would be able to learn how to have social life and help her to become healthy.

I saw a father who refuse to leave his youngest daughter. He is the only father who stay and watch at the dance class. Now I can see why the youngest daughter always feel so intimated by him. He's controling her and watch her every moves she makes. That's how I able to spotted him of being controling her.

Here is another example of having Narissistic parent (or both), I did watch this movie a couple times but it never crossed my mind until I watch again after I already had the experience of having Narissistic X. You might have already watch or heard this, Ever After: A Cinderella Story. Where Danielle who tries so hard to please her stepmother just by earn her love which she will never gives the love to her. There are Narissistic parent who is just like the stepmother and what's worst, at least one child (or both) will become Narissistic just like the parent such as one stepsister is like her stepmother. While the youngest stepsister is not Narissistic, so that's how I started to notice more and more.

My first boyfriend, X-Fiancé who has stepfather who treated him the same way as he was being treated from. He tries so hard to please him to earn his love. Everything he does never able to do right under his stepfather's eyes. That's why he tends to overeating. He still not able to accept and move on. He still desprately need someone to love him and to be accepted. He will never have that for rest of his life until he finally accept and leave him, forever. Which it is impossible to do, every child deserves and needs to be loved. So, that's why they kept on try to please their parent(s).

Wow! I can see more and more on tv although we might not realize what are those. It is common. I am able to started to see everywhere, there are people at work, stores, park and even in my family. It's so amazing. It's like an eye-opener for me.

I'm going to Gergoria very soon. Now, since I've learn about Narissitic, there are certain family members that I do not look foward to see. Especially one of them is the A type, Aggression as I mention earlier.

May God protect and guide children who has abusive parent (or stepparent).

Sun Rising

The shy sun is trying to come out behind the trees. I think sunset is pretter.

Anyway, how things going? Things are going okay. I think I'm doing better now since I've been getting rid of all the negative energy from my ex-N who inflence a lot on me. Sometimes it take a while to de-program myself.

Speak of de-program, there are still some christian music stuck in my head. I've already get rid of most christian music. I couldn't believe I wasted on those. I've still kept a few. I'm hoping to get rid of them soon. I know, the sooner, the better and that I need to de-program of what I was taught.

I still remember a lot of bible stories. One I did remember when Saul met Jesus on the road. It took him (I think) 15 years of de-programming of what he was taught when he was raised in. It seem like I have similar position. I hope that by 15 years I would be able to finished de-programed myself. It is going to be a long process road for me. One step at a time. One step at a time.

One thing that is funny, I could become an atheist if I don't have spiritual experiences. However, I do have the spiritual experiences. That's what made me continue to believe that spirituals are real. Guardian angels, souls, and many more for those who tires to explain. (Ghosts are question marks??? I'm still skeptical about ghosts. I will believe it when I see one.)

I better wrap things up.
Quote of the day, ""Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." ~Mark Twain~

Cute Reese

Here's Reese! The picture is on the left. Isn't she cutie? She's so sweet and lovable. I finally took a picture of her holding her favorite bone that she loves to naw on.

She always carry with her. Everywhere she goes and right with her. One time, my parents and I were planning to go to vaction and decided to take her with us. When she see us packing, she grab the bone and put next to the car. Afterward, she took the ball with her.

Isn't she incredible? She's really smart-y girl!

Oh, when I was swimming at the pool of my parent's backyard, my mom said, "Did you know that Reese notice that I've been under the water a little bit too long she had her head up looking for me to see if I'm okay."

She has been keeping an eye on me. She's my protective girl!

I love her!

Here's another picture of Reese laying down and looking at me. It's a little bit blur but that is more cute! Oh, most pictures are from the tmoblie. They're not that great pictures but it makes memorable.

compulsive in drinking, spending and etc

***copy and Paste***Silent Withdrawal from Your Relationship Partners
As a result of getting hooked in your relationships and having no boundaries in them, you might experience silent withdrawal. This withdrawal involves not allowing yourself to feel feelings of anger or disappointment because things are not going well in your relationships. You might even be driven to use your compulsive behaviors to medicate your negative feelings. You might become more compulsive in your drinking, drugging, gambling, overeating or other addictive behaviors (eg.: shopping, credit car use, risk taking etc.). This act of holding in your anger, about your relationships not giving you what you wanted, just exacerbates your anger. Your keeping silent to maintain a "Peace at any price" stance to avoid conflict with your relationship partners just makes your anger greater and more intense. If you continue to hold your anger in, you will became more and more depressed which feeds the need to self-medicate and withdraw more from your relationship partners. By this action you may also pull away from family, friends, support networks and life in general. You need to get your anger out about how hurt you are that your relationships are not what you wanted. You need to get your anger out about how you have given and given in this relationship until you have no more to give. You need to get your anger out about how you have lost yourself in your relationships because you have no boundaries between you and your relationship partners. If you verbalize your anger in healthy ways you will become a better problem solver in relationships. This will help you and your relationship partners to creatively address and confront the issues pulling your relationships apart. ***End of copy and paste** Respectfully from that website.

Now that's interesting... I didn't realize that. I notice that many people are addictive of drinking, smoking, gambling, and spending the stuff because of refusing to face the problem or not able to say no. I remember that my mom mention that when my dad smoked often it means something bothering him. Sometime my mom able to get him confess but most the time he doesn't want to face it. So, when he refuse to face the problems, he smoke to release his stressful moment. It is usually from my dad's work that he has a problem from.

Anyway, there is a lot of info in that website, I think it is worth to take a look.

Ever experience this?

My friends and strangers,

Did you ever experince ths?

Person 1: When a friend kept talking, talking, talking and seem never shut up. Finally, once you and your friend in a separte driection, did you ever feel so exhuasted? Feel like your emotional drain you out?

Person 2: An opposite sex approach to you and s/he seems very friendly but seem like want to talk to you too much. However, you want to exuse yourself so you can talk with other people and not stuck with one person especially when you are trying to reach out to make more friends in a new place that you visit (such as church, party, and etc.). When you finally got away from h/her, trying to reach out talking to someone suddenly that same person that you spoke to while ago comes up to you again in like 5 or 10 minutes later. That person seem kinda annoying.

Person 3: did that person almost succeed to ruin your other friendship? Like that person did a backstabbing and make a rumor about you to your friendship. Your friendship and you almost hated each other. Once discover, it is really that person tries to ruin all along.

Or is it same with relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend or a married couple. Did someone ever almost ruined your relationship??

Did that person tend to forget what s/he was doing? Or didn't remember what s/he was doing?

Person 4: Did you ever met or see someone who almost impossible to see that person smile? Did you ever see that person seem like mad or straight lip (no frown, no smile, nothing just straight face) 24/7?? Tend to get upset for no reason or blame on someone? Did you ever see someone like grumpy old man but in a young man?

Person 5: Ever met someone who doesn't want to take responsibilty? Someone who tries to take advantage of your money or your pity? Ever met know someone who manpluate, lied or beating around the bush until that person get what s/he wants?

Could be at work, school, relatives, and/or strangers... It could be anybody that you know of. Ever have that kind of experience?

No vaction

My friends and strangers,

There are going to be nothing but rain, rain, and rain here this week. We can't go to the beach because of the rain. Oh well!

Well, we do need a rain, anyway. Around here are so dry and I can see the green turn to brown lately. It is a good thing that we have the rain. It just would be nice if it would show up next week, not this week. We have vaction this week. I guess we are going to use our vaction to clean up the house. *sigh* I admit I am kinda bored, already. I'm ready to get out of here.

I can't wait until we go to Gergoria!! Wish me luck!

Happy Birthday, America!!

Happy 230th Birthday to America!

May God bless America!

TV shows

I was just watching Bridezilla. I couldn't believe what I'm seeing those Bride women who going to be a wife soon, all stress out to put everything perfection! All I see was argue, stress, and upset. WOW! I never thought of trying to prepare a wedding can be so stressful moments. I can't help but notice they don't really have wedding coordinator. She wants a huge wedding. One woman have 7 bridemaids and 7 groommen. Other one has 14 bridemaids and groommen. I was thinking, don't you need a wedding coordinator? She was very bossy and controling. They don't like the way she's doing. One brother said why should I let my sister tell me what to do? She said it's my wedding not yours so move it mister. Well, not in exact words ... more of paraphasing. I think it is best to have wedding coordinator to do all the works and let that person to be boss around instead of bride-to-be. After all, it is best to have somebody who is more neutral and able to tolerdance around the wedding coordinator than put up with bride-to-be. How would you feel if your brother or sister telling what to do even it is the wedding but still tell you what to do?? Annoying isn't it? I think so. There's one couple almost didn't get married because the bride-to-be got all stress out and she feel like that her future husband doesn't helping her. She said something that wasn't really nice, "Are you really that worth for all of this?" It was like, wow! She even kick out one of her bridemaid out the wedding and replace another one. LOL! What worst is that it is only two days before wedding. She managed to find a replacement. Every bride-to-be kept saying, It's my wedding and I want to get what I want and if not then you out! Every bride doesn't seem satified with the growns, viel, gloves, jewlery, and etc. They have to check every details. If no tag then I'm not paying for it. Or I paid for this and I expect to get it now! Don't touch me! Blah blah blah. LOL

I couldn't imagine about large wedding like that. I rather simple one. Maybe I'll just get one Maid of honor.... Or not. *grin* I wonder if I'm going to become like the bridezilla? LOL! Maybe it would be better just to enlope in Las Vagas? *grin*


Well, here's come the most funny one, "Honey, we're killing our kids." I couldn't believe that the moms who go to store with the lists of veggies and fruit that she never heard of. In fact, she never heard of carrot. I was like, WHAT?!! I couldn't believe that. I laughed so hard because those really don't know veggie and fruit. They never heard of those before. One woman grab the wrong veggie or the wrong fruit. Like this one said, "Sorry mom, that's not spinach, that's Payapas." That's a wow. They have really eat so much junk food and soda. All those fast foods and pizza everyday. Oh boy! I know I would get tried of it.

I love veggies and fruits!! I enjoy eating turnip greens, collard greens, spinach, carrot, onion, radish, squash, and etc. My favorite all times are Apple, banana, honeydew melon, watermelon, strawberries, blueberries, grapes and many many more. Yummy!!

It just that it's hard to picture that there are people who doesn't know those veggies names and never had those or at least try those. It just that it does amaze me.

Slide down

When I come home from God know's where. LOL.

My dog, Reese was so exiciting to see me. As I walk toward to my bedroom, there is a long hallway. Even though, I already told her "hello" and gave her a hug. Reese still exiciting as she ran pass me. She ran toward to the end of the bedroom and ran back. Lucky, I wouldn't see her coming if I didn't turn the light on. When I saw Reese ran toward me, I knew she'll pounce on me. I stick my hand out "Argh!" in a serious tone of voice. It is almost way of saying "NO!!" She bend down and slide like a baseball guy slide to the first base. Lucky she didn't knock me down like the bowling pins.

I was kinda surprised that she has the ability to slide on the carpet floor. Her paws seem fine.

To type or not to type

I'm consider not to write a novel or a book. Why?

Well, after watching the Squid and the Whale, it is independence film. **snip copy/paste** Based on the true childhood experiences of Noah Baumbach and his brother, The Squid and the Whale tells the touching story of two young boys dealing with their parents divorce in Brooklyn in the 1980's.***End of copy/paste**

Well, that said it all. I only watch the first half and it's boring!!! I was about to fell asleep there. It is because of all talk, talk, talk. Brother pass information to Father and other brother pass information to Mother. Who is sleeping with who and all those backstabbing. I've realize that my book is all based on talk, talk, talk and rarely have action unless you want the abuse action. But still it seems boring to me... When it seem boring then the chance of writing a book would not be enjoyment for me. So, I may not write after all.

I like action! So my plan to write wouldn't be an action... it's would be almost similar as the movie but in different way. So that's why I changed my mind not to write.

Quote of the day: People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,but when the darkness sets in,their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross~

Blog blog blog

Blog here, Blog there, Blog Blog Everywhere!

Wow, the more I explore and the more I found more blog that people posting everywhere on the interent. I can't help but wonder since I've been raising christian home. I heard something about that the people will get to know you more than you think through computer. Including about SSN and etc. Interesting... Huh?

Here's the funny comment from Wil Wheaton. That's right, he plays Wesley Crusher in StarTrek:TNG (The Next Generation). Actually it is during Thanksgiving blog that I was reading. I laughed when I read that part. "untitled late night post number nine" There is alot of funny moment there especially when he talks about his teenager kids. LOL. (to be accruate, step-kids.) There are something can be boring such as he likes to talk technobabble. LOL. I'm not into that kind of stuff but seem like he is.

I didn't realize there is so many blog around nowadays. Wow! Tech-age are really that fast?! Am I getting behind here? LOL. Well, seem like I manage to catch up... I hope.

What else is new? Nothing much far as I know. I've manage to do some reading. I wish I could read faster like you see the Stargate: SG1 ---> Upgrades When Jack be able to read that fast which it is not normal for Jack since he dislike reading. So Daniel testing him and he got the right answer. LOL. Anyway, I think it would be cool to read faster so I can even type faster like Sam Carter did. LOL.

Well, how would you enjoy if things going too fast if you are not able to cherish every moment when you read and cherish every moment when you type?

Movies-edit

Let me see, what movies that I've been watching. "End of the Spear" is really a very good movie. It's about missionary who try to change people from stone age to 21 century. It's good! Check it out.

Even though I'm no longer christian but I still enjoy learning.

One thing that got me thinking about something, when the weather was nice, my mom and I took my dog for a walk in the neighborhood. We saw two teenager boys riding their bike and stop and told us that they are mormon and wondering if we would like to hear about Jesus Christ. My mom said no, thanks. They left in a respectful way. They were wearing black pants and white top and i think red tie?? I forgotten what color of the tie. But It doesn't matter. I told my mom maybe they should check out check out more info in speaific one that could give a wake up calls. My mom said it is better to be where they are at especially at their age instead of ending up in the street where gangs and killing and all those volience. They are a young teenagaer. They seems to be under 16. I think that my mom is right. sometimes even religion may not be always true as they seems to be but it is better off for them to be where they are at right now instead of being bored and try to find something to fight because there's nothing to do.

We all are looking for a purpose meaning something to do instead of sitting and feel like there's nothing to do and try to find a purpose. So finding a purpose is to do something. Weather we helping at the elder folks home or setting up charities for animals. Weather we volunteer to help of many different things that helps us to feel useful and purpose. It is same with the religion people out there searching for a purpose to feel useful for God/gods/goddess/creator/great spirit and etc. I thought that was interewsting. Since we no longer have to fight to live as survial the fitest. We taken things for granted to go to work and come home eating our daily meals.That's why we kept searching for a purpose. Does that make sense?

Anyway, the "End of the Spear" is a good movie. We also watched "FreedomLand." That's another good one. Behind Trail movie from the tv is a good one, too. I didn't know about the slave from China move to America and be a slave and it is similar things with black people from the Aficia just a little bit different. Now that's interesting one. Something different instead of something common can be very interesting to watch. Something that you didn't know about would learn something instead of same concept of the story. Like Civil wars, there usually make civil wars so many times for those movies can be quite boring Like "Gods and the Gerenal" (I think it is right title then maybe not), "Cold Mountain" are one of the few example of showing civil war. We already dknows about them why keep on showing them? I admit that I was sooo bored watching those kind of moive. I only watch them because other are watching plus there isn't anything else to watch.

Oh, K-19 Widowmaker (forgot to add widowmaker) is rather pretty good. MOstly talking but still interesting about what happen to russian people during the cold war between America and Russia. I admit taht I almost fall asleep through that movie but able to catch of what's going on.

Last, I decided to buy 2 movies, superman pt 1 and 2. I know it might be sound a bit lame but it doesn't matter. I still like superman. My favorite are part 1 and 2. I dislike the rest. I was watching again, little did I realize that there are WTC. I was kinda surprised to see that.I forgotten all about that it showed on superman movie. I said it out loud and my mom said that we really do need Superman on that day. What she meant was 9/11.

Ask yourself, if you were in the plane on that day of 9/11 hyjacked and know what's going on about destory TWC, what would you do?

For me personally, I rather die fighting than sit to wait to die. I rather saved other poeple lives and that's what I'm going to do to join others to fight. What would you do? Would you stay in the seat or would you join to fight?

Oh, I forgot to add something else. Eight Below about the sled Husky dogs. BEWARE! It's a tearjerker. It will make you cry and it's gooood movie. It's bittersweet.

Bein caught in the act

My dog, Reese is such a cutie!

She's really funny sometimes. One day, I gave her the bone. She chew and naw on it. When she got tired of it then she will try to find a place to hide her bone. It's not buried it. She go around try to put under the couch, table, chairs, or any other funture. She even hide under my dirty clothes. She kept changing her mind and get it out and try to put other places. It is same with outside. She tried to hide her bone under bushes or whatever she can find somplace that is underneath. She changed her mind again.

One thing I refuse to let her is chew on the bed. It leaves crumbs there. It feels like a cookie crumbs. It's so annoying that I don't normal eat food on the bed. That's one of my pet peeves. It is on the floor or on the chair or use dinning room then I'm okay with that. Last few months ago I taught her that the bone is not allow on the bed. She still try to sneak with that. She likes to put the bone under my pillow. I grab the bone and put it up. She kept looking for it even I put it up. She go around and search underneath the furnture.

Again, last few days, she had the bone but didn't put under the pillow. I was about to take a shower. I was in the bathroom for a while then I forgot my towel that I need as I walk into my bed. I spotted my dog on my bed and already put her bone under my pillow. She popped her head up and looked at me and I can see her whole body jumped like she's being a caught like a kid being caught of knowing something that she isn't suppose to do. I put my fists on my hips, I asked her "Whatcha doing? You know that you suppose not to do that!" She grab the bone and jumped down on the floor.

She's really a sticker but so cute and smart. *grin*

I went to take a shower and came out. I checked and see if she did again or not. She didn't. Maybe that's the lesson she'll learn? Or would she tries to sneak again in the future? Hahaha. She's like a miscevious(sp?)kid.

True Love?

My True Love, where art thou?

My mom said that there are so many guys were just looking at you. I was like, Yeah, if they do then why can't one of them come up to me?

At the university was no luck.

So, instead, I decided to give a try. I was at the internship and I notice that there is a guy was just looking at me. I waited for a while and then finally I decided to approach to him just having the causal conversation. This guy seem kinda a little bit surprised but still continue to talk with me. Afterward, nothing happens, just casual converstation. That's it.

Another internship, I can tell this guy wasn't interesting in me at all until he heard my presentation. As always, there was presevtation at the end of the internship to see what you learn. He find me very interesting person and ironic, he approach and having converstation to my parents first then talk with me but nothing happens afterward. No exchange email adress or any contacts.



Oh, I joined with my parents to Hawaii right after the internship is over. Off to Hawaii, we went. I enjoyed being there and learn a few things such as their culture and poi. Poi is come from some kind of root and it's purple. It looks almost like pudding. I tasted it. It's just plain. Hardly even notice the flavor. Werid.

I remember something. Before my parents and I went to ceremony. I spotted a woman with blond long hair and very tanned. She was wearing a white dress but kinda almost see through dress. She just came out of Taxi and went inside the building. My mom told me that she's a prostitution. Yeah, I notice but why is she's there, I wonder. We were searching for parking space and found one.

As I went to that special ceremony where there's a normal tradition for Hawaii, there was a large group gather around and watch the performance. We have to pay first before we get inside (it is same for everyone else.) We were getting alcoholic drinks first and my favorite was Pina Colada. We gather around and sitting on the grass with the mat. I spotted the same lady who I saw eariler with the man. Something tells me that the man is paying for that. Somehow, he saw me. Later, I was watching performance and all. After a while, it was done, we move to the table and chairs. This time I saw the man disappear but the lady still there. Later, we were eating dinner and the man is not there with the lady. I thought that was odd. The performance was continuing on the stage while we were eating dinner. The man was giving information about their Hawaii tradition such as Poi and raw fishes. After the ceremony was over. I looked again and the man still not there and the lady sat and flirting others. (How rude that lady was by trying to sell herself.) There are so many married couples and married with kids. We left. My mom was telling me that when he saw you then he left real quick. I was like, "huh?"

I wonder what happen to him and what make him decided that way? Well, it doesn't matter because chances like that, I wouldn't date him, anyway. He wasted his money on her and the food that he didn't even eat.

I read somewhere it is best if the guy approach to you but many guys look at me and didn't have the guts to approach me. So, that's why I decided to go half way to see if the guy is willing to meet me in half way but never did. That's why I decided not to try to meet half way since guys do not seem willing to meet me another half way. I refuse to go out with a guy who wouldn't meet me half way. Mainly because of my ex-n, that's how I learn plus it would have a better marriage life if the guy is willing to meet you half way. That's my personal opinion and experience that I have had.

I look around and wonder, is there a true love out there? Or right under our nose?

Dream Dictionary

First, if you haven’t read my dream other night then check this out "Nice Dreams".

Like my mom once said, don’t always believe this because often time it is not always true. Well, weather, or not it is true, I think sometimes it is nice to help you to understand the meaning. We can choice to say that isn’t true or it is true.

I’ve decided to look up a dream dictionary.

It is depend on the context of your dream. Here’s the blue color, Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.
Mmmm, that does make sense to me. Check that out if you haven’t read “Life is not easy”

Next would be a dress. Let check that out. To see or wear a dress in your dream represents a feminine outlook or feminine perspective on a situation. You are freely expressing your femininity.
To dream that you are wearing a white dress, suggests that you want to appear pure and angelic toward others
Now, that’s interesting part. I think that is similar apply to “Life is not easy.” It sound very good news about that. It sound like it does apply of what happened to me.

Next one would be a crown. Let check that one out and see what the outcome is. To see a crown in your dream, symbolizes success and prominence.

WOW! It does sound true to me.

Mmmm, let see what happen when it comes to be a queen. To see a queen in your dream, symbolizes intuition and personal growth. The queen is also a symbol for your mother.
For a woman to dream that she is a queen, indicates your desire for increased status and power. Alternatively, it may indicate that you need to listen to others.

Mmmm, I disagree with that small part. I’m pretty sure that it has to do with the ex-N that I have to go through very tough times when I left him I was in a despair and lost hope. Everything seems nothing worth living for. I think that’s why I was being a queen is because that’s when I realize that I do have the control. I can’t control people/weather/nature but I can have the control of my own life and that no one can tell me what to do. I’ve realize that I am in charge of my life. It has nothing to do with others. I think that small country that I rule meant is my life and knowing that I can’t control the whole world or a large country. So, small country is who I am as a person. Now speaking of train to be a queen is that because I am learning. I’m still learning along the way. That makes sense to me why I was dreaming that way.

I decided to skip the celebrity. I have to check out about the chocolate. What does that stands for? To see chocolate in your dream signifies self-reward. It also denotes that you may be indulging in too many excesses and need to practice some restraint.

Oooohhh, that sounds a good one, too. I agree with self-reward part. I do deserve a few pats on my back.

Now let see the celebrity part, and this website I provide earlier isn’t there. So off to search another website of Dream Dictionary.
If the famous people are ignoring you, perhaps you need to reduce your obligations and focus on what's really important to your heart.

Mmmm I wonder about that one. He wasn’t ignoring me. He acknowledges and moves on. However, I wasn’t that exciting when I approach to him. I just want to let him know that he did very good job of acting. Mmmm?

I notice that there is more info beside the celebrity so I clicked on Fame. To dream of achieving fame yourself suggests you are trying to grasp something that is beyond your reach; high aims are commendable, but it's healthier to keep them within reasonable bounds. However, if your dream involved a famous person, keep trying, because you'll get help from some unexpected source.
MMmmm I wonder if it has to do with writing novel and/or script?

Goals

Goals...

Having goals would help you to live because you stay focus to achieve. If you had achieve a goal then continue to make another one. It can be short term or long term goals. It is depend on what kind of goals do you want or do.

Sometimes I do find pointless. However, if you do not have goal then it is pointless. It doesn't have to be getting married and have children or getting married without children to be your goal. Everybody have their goal to get married and have children or some people do have goal not to get married and have children.

What's important is to live is to have a goal. "To live is to have a goal" (haha, did I come up to that quote myself?) Do you have a goal that help you to movitate and keep going facing challenge and learn from the mistake or learn from someone else's mistake to prevent from getting the same mistake.

Or do you just go and work from 9 to 5 boing job and saving money for retirement. Or do you go to 9 to 5 fun job to learn and challenge?

Well, no one wants to work but how do you use or put an effort in a job as in a good way?

Or if you do have a boring job 9 to 5 then do something outside of work that would do for the fun even it is not easy to do. Like for example, I even thought about write a script (and maybe novel) and hope that maybe there would be a movie out of it. It is possible that it is wishful thinking but at least to have a goal that helps you to keep going. Like research something before make a book that way you would be able to learn while you research weather or not you write lousy script/novel. Often times the first time really sucks until time goes on it will improve.

Or if you get bored with that then change a different goal like go and learn to dance at the dance class. Or put on hold for a while and add a new goal... When you feel refreshing, start back on writing.

What's the purpose? Make a goal. Even if it means to change it, don't have to be stuck on one thing.

Sometimes in life that you can't change because of money and bills but add a new goal outside of work. Even it is seem like work but at least you can pick your own time to do whatever you like. Just for the fun. Find something instead of watching TV. Because sometimes there's nothing else to watch on tv even it is over 300 channels.

Think about it, wasting money on technology or waste money on a goal? Which one is benifit? That is depend on you. If you think technology is benefit then buy them. If you think goal would be a benefit then buy and do them.

A purpose? Keep going and learn along the way and treat this life as once-a-lifetime weather or not you believe in recarnation (sp? means that you will live in the next life).

Find a spiritual, if that helps? Or search within yourself (heart, guts, mind, and/or emotional) .... not the outside...(like church, sacred book, or/and other spiritual books) But if the outside helps then continue. But if the inside helps then continue, Do what you want to do.

Don't worry about what other people thinks. Instead of talk to people who you worry about what they think, go and find other people who have similar goal where you know that people support you because it is similar goal as you have.

Or better yet, use those negative to boost your ambitions to prove them wrong....

What do you think? Does that give you the food for thoughts?

Before and After

It is something I wanna share with you. I found something how to do computer art work. It took me a while to figure things out. I was playing around and I admit that I did enjoy alot! I found through website that posted so I make sure that you will know where I got it from.

http://www.hiti.dk/malselv1.htm

That's where I got it from. Now, I pick speaific area where's the crown is at. I want that picture of the crown where my dream came from. Afterward, I colored from the computer program had already installed for you. I thought I would give a try to play with it and I did it good job. Well, for a beginner... Okay. I'm not that expert for like graphic computer. I think it looks great!

Nice Dreams

Wow!

I really do have a very nice dreams last night. Did you ever dream of many different dreams at once? It is almost like changing channel. Well, I only remember the last 3 dreams. Usually, it is up to 7 dreams at once but remember last one or last 2 or 3 depend on the people. Anyway, the first dream was, I was the queen-to-be. I was being in train how to be proper queen. Haha. Yeah I know it's weird. I'm going to be a queen in a small country not like the England. I was wearing the Royal Blue velvet (I think that is right spelling, it is a cloth that is soft and short fur-like) dress.
It looks almost exact like that design of Medieval dress. It is all Royal blue like this color . There is no trim like you see the gold trim. It is just plain but beautiful dress. For some reason the dress feels heavy and I think it is sorta almost winter time. There is a crown looks similar as Anastasia. I know it is not in Russia but somewhere in a very small country and it's smaller than England. . That Crown looks alike that in my dream.

2nd dream. It's ironic about this. One of my few favorite celerbity, Michael Shanks! I never thought I was dreaming one. In fact, that's the first time for me. Obvious, I'm a huge fan. Huh? LOL. Well, I was (still am but less) huge fan of Jonathan Brandis, too but didn't dream of him. What I was dreaming that I was at the grocery store. (That's right at the grocery store most weird place that my dream to pick that place.) I was pushing the cart and I spotted a guy. I was thinking, no that can't be right. Is he the one? Or was it look alike twin? Or was that my imagination? I gather of what I need and put in the cart. Lucky, I saw him at the line so I was right behind him before someone else get in the line. I saw him and it was him!! What strange is that I wasn't really that exciting and enthusiasm. I did approach to him and told him that I enjoyed that show who he played the character Daniel Jackson and that he did so wonderful on that show called "Lifeboat". That's all. He nodded and said "Thank You." then he left. Now that's strange.

Anyway...
Here's 3rd and final best dream of all!!
I try out all different kind of chocolate! Chocolate with cookies, white Chocolate, light chocolate, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white/dark swirl chocolate, coconut chocolate, pineapple chocolate covered, chocolate with pine nuts, (never heard of pine nuts that you can eat... can you? It's taste good. At least in my dream.) chocolate covered pecans, chocolate with rasins, chocolate cake, chocolate brownies....mmmm That's all I can think of. YUMMY! Oh, chocolate covered with strawberries! for free, all you can taste!

Hahaha. That's the best last dream before I woke up by my dog, reese. Yummy! Make me want some chocolate which I did had brownies with vanilla ice cream and choclate syurp for dessert after my dinner. *wink* That sure help satified my craving moments. MMMmmmm CHOCOLATE!

Who did you sit with during lunch?

Mmmm In elementary, I have no choice, you go with your classroom sitting same lunch table. It is same for all other classes in lunchroom.

Middle School, my first year there, I decided to try-out cheerleader (which I realize it wasn’t really me but that time I was young and curious and absolutely no idea what kind of role model for that such as stuck up, better-than-you-are-attitude, popular, and etc.). I won the try-out and become a cheerleader. Does that surprise ya? Huh?

LOL. Like I said, I was young and native. Anyway, I didn’t care who I was sitting with at lunch times. Even I just want to sit by myself for a little while ( I needed a time-out time alone but never has a chance!) So, doesn’t matter where I sit, everybody who’s popular and cheerleader sit with me. So what’s a heck! I sit with non-popular people and popular people joined with me where I’m sitting. Hahahaha. They were puzzle about it but who cares! I talk with them. Hahaha, the non-popular seems so confuse about it. You should have seen their face expression. It is so funny! I’m telling ya. Oh, I even went to hang out with the nerdy-types but at first they seem to be skeptical about it. It is because most air-headed tends to give them hard time or play pranks on them. Others might try to take advantage of their intellect such as doing homework for you and etc. Once they get to know me, they warm up around me and be my friends. They realize I’m not the type of person who would be backstabber. I never had, anyway.

Truth is, I wasn’t really happy to be a cheerleader because of all the peer pressure by all the people expect me to be that I can’t. No matter what I try to tell them I’m not but their stereotype seems stuck with them. I felt like want to get out and I couldn’t scream even though I do have mouth and voice. Well, lucky, my parents and I are the way to move so I wasn’t really search hard enough to find a way to get out because I knew we are going to move and I kinda felt relieve. (What I meant was when I look back, I almost possible lead to attempt to commented suicide but haven’t get there to the point.)

Since we moved again, I made my choice not to join cheerleader but my mom encourage me to do that. I didn’t want to. I didn’t like it. I wasn’t happy about it, however; I did join the 4-H club and I am so glad that I did!! That is where I can be me without feeling peer pressure. I do not want to be popular ever again.

Boy, was I wrong? Ha! There’s a quarterback football player find me interesting and want to go out with me. Hahaha! I wasn’t even ask for that. Lucky, it was that time I was 8th grade so I know who I am much better where I can be somewhat nerdy as they already label me not as air-headed popular. Plus, I don’t feel the peer pressure that much. Meantime, I usually sit with smart people or deaf people. It doesn’t matter. I never sit with popular people since they seems to be too bitch-y types.

Again, we moved. Bye bye to such a CUTIE quarterback football guy. He’s really a good-looking guy. I’m not kidding. He has a nice meaty muscle and a little bit lean but not so bad. He has dirty-blond with hazel eyes and somewhat tanned. I’m sure he’s already found somebody during High School. It was fun while it last.

Off to moved in High School, I sit lunches with my 2 former best friends and some deafies and some hearies. Again, I don’t really sit with any popular people. I keep things simple and manage to keep myself invisible. More than half the students didn’t know that I do have the ability to talk. One time during the class we require standing and giving speech. Those deaf people do signs but I didn’t. I used my voice. So, they were surprised and said, “I didn’t know that she can talk!” one student in the classroom. They seemed very surprised by that. I usually keep it to myself. I don’t always share to everyone. Especially when I know those will be coming up to me how to sign this or how to sign that, there will be too many people. Too many attention! I don’t like to be center of attention. *wink*

Mmmm In Gallaudet, now that’s different. I sat with Hard of Hearings, deafies who grow up mainstream, or deaf institution. Doesn’t matter who. I sit with anybody but when it comes to my major. I tend to be invisible. I notice there are backstabbers everywhere. Oh by the way, not all are like that. It just that there can be misunderstanding or miscommunication. So I do not have to worry about it until my last year, they started to notice me more. I did ask one person did you ever hear anything negative about me. She sat there and realizes that there isn’t one. Haha. She said that she told me that she never notices me all those years that I was still around. Haha. I’m good. *wink*

Okay, me and my chatterbox, I better hush up and wrap up to go. *smile*
Oh, I almost forgot again. Mmm What's the quote of the day? "My happiness depends on me." ~Unknown~

Which Sci-fi or Fantasy Character are you?

Moi?? (That's for french means me.)

I never thought I could be Elrond as my fantasy character. Haha. Here's the descrition:
A stern yet benevolent organizer who often knows best, your wits are keenly fixed on aiding efforts you deem worthy.

Now at this last we must take a hard road, a road unforseen. There lies our hope, if hope it be. To walk into peril to Mordor.

Elrond is a character in the Middle-Earth universe.

LOL. I dunno about that. What do ya think? *grin*

For those who are curious, check them out. http://www.tk421.net/character/

TV shows

What's your favorite tv shows or which one do you usually watch the most?

My favorite all time show is STARGATE: SG1. I know it is kinda lame but I'm huge fan of sci-fi. And I think that is the best show I ever watch....*ahem* Yes, better than Star Trek or any of the Star Trek. Right now it is showing re-run for Season 9 and the new show will come on July 14th (I think) for Season 10. Be honest with you, my favorite thus far is Season 1 through 5 the best. Season 6 is no good. It is because of Daniel Jackson, a nerdy guy who wear glasses but he's a good-looking hunk! The actor's name is Micheal Shanks. He did very good job being interacting with Jack O'Neill. They are butt-headed to each other half the times. They did seem so natural and that's because they say things that are not in the scirpt. It makes it seem realistic. They made me laughed. Now, season 7 is not so bad. Things seem different. Season 8 is not that great either. When season 9 comes out, it is much improvement, however; I do miss Jack O'Neill and his interaction with Daniel Jackson. Rumor that O'Neill might be back for Season 10 so wait and see how it going.
Oh by the way, I do not go for Jack/Samantha (short for Sam) as a shipper. I notice that higher percent is there and hoping that those two would get married. I'm sorry I do not see any sparks between them. In fact, I never really like anything that is within the character date each other. It is sorta like soap oprea. However, Sam's father named Jacob who played by Carmen. Now, Carmen mention that if he was a father to his daughter then he like the idea of Sam being with Daniel because he's very gentleman and respectful. He thinks those two would be a good soulmate. So, Carmen infludence my decision, I decided that Sam/Daniel is best soulmate for each other. I agreed with Carmen. DANG! I don't think that's going to happen. But doesn't matter there's a fanfic that write all about Sam/Daniel romance to each other. Heehee.

Other shows that I usually watch Bridezilla, Dog Whisper, Untold Stories of ER, Animal Funnist Video, Charmed, Honey, We're killing our kids, LOST, INVASION, Without A Trace, and mmmm That's all I can think of. Oh I almost forgot, Yes, I do watch Stargate: Atlantis but it is not my no. 1 favorite so far. I hope that season 3 (I think) will do better this time.

I do watch those sometimes 2 and half Men and Amazing Race. I only watch those because my parents are watching them.

My parents and I always watching the Hallmark movies from the Hallmark Channel. For those who live in Eastern side, sorry, they do not have that Channel as we do have in Central. Now I have no idea about the Western part.

Once in a while I do watch Travel Channel, Discover Channel, and The Learning Channel. I enjoy those, too.

Friends and Strangers for those who have dogs, I highly recommend to watch Dog Whisper. It is really good and give very good advice without damaging dog's soul. He will teach you how to approach a better way with dogs and that is including an aggressive dogs. It's very interesting. Mostly blamed are humans and not the dogs. It is the way how people provide the energy and etc. Just watch it and you'll get the idea.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Listen to your guts

Aaahhh My friend was right about that. When I decided to move to another state. Mmmm, Maybe I should...

Well, decision doesn't seem that hard but breaking the news to my parents would be a little bit difficult.

I do know that I'm going to tell my parents sometimes in July because of August that's when we are planning to visit family there and that's when I'm going to take my dad's car and follow him there.

I'm very lucky that my other friend who I trusted the most invite me to stay at her place if I ever feel like being trap at my parent's house. She offer me to stay there as long as I don't take advantage such as look for job and get out more often.

Unlike at my parent's home, I am WAY to comfort of staying here and almost didn't really look for a job. However, I did keep looking but didn't really looking... Ya know what I mean? I'm looking.... but not apply many jobs as I should... to get a better chance...

Anyway, thanks friend and other friend to just being there. I hope that I could be there for you guys, too.

Being a customer

Ever find being a customer can be quite annoying? Weather you are hearing or deaf...

Background noisey, don't depend on hearing aids. Try lipreads... Doesn't work. Never mind. Here that's what I want. Give it to me! I'll pay for it.

Ppppfffttttt, I went to the pharmacy to get the medication. I know that certain medication doesn't accepted by the insurance. Yet, I'm paying it anyway!

Every month, I always get my medication as usual. Until one day, I went to the pharmacy and told them my last name (which it is always misspelled my name everytime and never failed). Once I clarfied my name, she said that "I can't have the medication because the insurance wouldn't pay for it." (Well, DUH!! I already knew that.)

I said, "of course, I will pay for it without the insurance." She said that she can't give me the medication. I said "why not?" She said "because of the insurance would not pay for it." I said, "that's okay. I will pay for it without the insurance." She still refuse to give me the medication. I can see the shield that she put it up and being resist and all.

URGH!!!

I continue to be calm as best as I can. I said, May I ask you a few questions? She seem more calm and her resist seem clamer and said "yes, you may." I asked her "how much is it cost without the insurance??"

She said "it is 35 dollars." My respond, "okay that is what I usually paid for last several months." She said "oh okay." I continued, "I am willing to pay 35 dollars for this medication. I do know that I have the extra money for the tax, too." She went like "oh okay, well then you are going to have to wait an hour."

URGH!!! Thanks a lot! I've waited an hour ago and I have to wait again!
Pppppfffffttttttttttttt

Whatever ... However, my respond is "Thank you Ma'am and I guess I will wait until then."

I walked off and decided to come back in next few hours, at least before the store closed.

I have other errands to do and I can't wait for another hour. Geez.

Doesn't matter, what's done is done.

Why can't things be so simple? Here it is and this is what I want. I paid for it and I am the one who get outta here not them.


Here's another story, I went to resturant (gratefully my parents are with me), I sat down and wait for the waiter. Here comes the waiter starting blabbling. It is usually for what the special for the day that you usually see on the board when you first enter. So why talk about that? If people can't read then that means they can't read the menu, either. DUH

Only problem with waiter is when they are lazy to talk such as usually men (no offense to men) their lips are barely moved. Look like he doesn't talk at all. I can't even hear his voice. Geez. I have to look at my parents to see what the heck the guy is saying?

There is another waiter who is a spanish woman, she have such a heavy accent and it is impossible to understand her but grateful I know the most usual questions. What do you want for a drink? Then come back with the drinks. What do you want for dinner. As usual, I order as I already knew the next question would be either how do you want to cook is for the steak or do you want veggies, potato, or rice. If you order potato, what do you want on it? Butter.
Salad or Ceaser? Salad. What's the dressing? Ranch. That's the most typical in order of question first to last. It never changed around. Same o' and Same o'

Feel like talking to the robot, maybe we should get robots? Then again, maybe not.

Losing my mind?-Edit

Other day, I decided to fix something to eat and I thought maybe make some chocolate chip cookies. There's a recipe on the bag of chocolate chips. I read the direction of how to make cookies and make sure I have all the needs that I have first before make them. Few minutes later, my mom come up to me and asked me what am I doing. I told her that I am going to make some chocolate chips cookies. She telling me how to make them in the right order sound very different from what I read. (By the way, she has years of experience cooking foods since she was 5 yrs old.) I was like huh? I decided to re-read and my mom say exact what the recipe said. It wasn't what I read the first place.

Am I losing my mind?

Ahhh Yes, about my losing my mind...

Well, I did join the group where they struggle with the N (Narcissitic Personality Disorder, or Narcissists). I know it has been over a year and never contact him since. I mean.. NEVER. Even though he might found me and contact me again but I kept my slience. As they said "Slience is Golden"

Anyway, I found out that I wasn't really losing my mind. It just going through stages with situation with N. I'm glad to hear that. That the N tends to like to play with your mind and it is their power to make you feel like you are losing your mind but it is really N who has their illness and not I. What's reallly important that I am being honest with myself and be able to face it while the N cannot because of their illness.

Thank Goodness for that!

Tuesday

Today is Tuesday, What's so special about that day?



Nothing. Haha!

I wonder... should I make myself a first novel or a scprit? Or do both? With the same title.... The title would be something like... Slient Killers??

It has nothing to do with sharp object that carry around to split people's throat or stab their hearts.

What do you think? By making my first novel?? Would it be good or would it be sucks?? Usually the first time write is not always that good.. ya know? But I want it to be real good that acctract people's interest and same time learn something.

Mmmm maybe I should research a little bit more about writing and how to write. What do you guys think? Do you have suggestion "How to write the best novel?" books that I can read to see how I would do that?

Whole week

My week wasn't really good week. I manage to not show my downs and cranky moods. Almost got into agrue with my parents but I learn to back down. I manage to control my moods swing this week.

Meanwhile, I've learned a lot so many things while I mediate by myself. I've been thinking a lot. Didn't want to share this because this is kinda open a large can of worms.

But I can tell you this, I've learned that there is no way that I'm not going to be codependent. I've only read the introduction. That gave me quite a lot of thinking past few days.

I try to read the book that written by Dan Brown. When my mom asked me what am I reading? I show it to her. First thing she said, don't believe anything that book said. Everything in that book is fictional novel. I was like, really? She said yeah! Then she said something like this those people who against the biblical is usually have alterative motive. I didn't say anything but in my mind what if the alterative motive is education that set you free. Not the truth?

What I meant is that I took my time to research through in my own eyes. I'm not looking for alterative motive to against anything. Only reason, I'm looking for is the truth. What if that is real and what it is not?

I made my choice of not to say anything that could cause argue. I have my own mind and opinionate that I don't always share or say anything because I knew that it could lead to argue.

I lost my interest to read the book from Dan Brown so I switch to the book which I already show in the link for codepdent. That book does gave me a lot of thinking by the meaning of it. It is very interesting. I should have read it last year. Well, what really matter is that I'm reading it right now.

I did read other fanfic novel written from Stargate the sci-fi. That novel is very interesting to read it is mix with codepdent/narcisstistic and many other things. That's including brother rape daughter and etc. It's very graphic. I never thought of myself of actually read that novel. However, I have know that few people did share with me that one of them been raped by their brother, father, uncle, and/or cousin. Yes, it is blood-relatives. I have also heard that not just blood-relatives but step-father, step-brother did rape. So reading that book seem very interesting. Oh by the way, for those who wanna to know that there is a mild and short story of Jack/Sam got married. The main focus is on Daniel Jackson with other woman. And most of the time Daniel Jackson is the centeric of the story. Daughter of the Gods: Every New Beginning

Reading that stories, helped me to think a lot more things. I've read them all include the series.

Part of me thank to the great spirit for I never been raped by the blood relatives and I hope that in the future that it would never happen to me including strangers.

Anyway, It's funny. Somehow my mom and I brought up about the subject of analysis other people instead of analysis ourselves. And how difficult it is to analysis ourselves and not so difficult to anylsis other people and their problems. My mom mention that she never thought of that before and that she try to explain for who she is herself. I notice that it does take a while for her to think about it.

What count the most that she's able to describe of who she is.

When I was trying to find a guy thru online and I notice they leave a comment like Other people says that I'm trustworthy, honest, blah blah. Or Other people thinks, or other people's opinon...

Notice the word, other people?? They have hard time expressing in their own mind. I thought I would give a try to date one guy out to see what happened. He's sci-fi fan and enjoyed watching stargate and that's why he picked me because I am the same way. I asked what his opinion about the last week show. He mention other people this and that. Other people's opinion this and that. So, I told him I don't care about what other people thinks. What do YOU think? What's YOUR opinion about this and that?? He respond I don't know.

I was like... Can't he thinks for himself?? I feel like I'm talking to a robot who can't think for himself and only recieve input from the people. That does seems annoy, doesn't it?? What's worst is that he find me very beautiful and want to go out with me again. Ha!! Yeah right. He's so boring and can't think for himself. Ppppffffttttt.

But I can't help but wonder, what would happen if I continue to go out with him and married him? Picture, visionlize.... I control everything in all situation and he just follow me everywhere I go who can't think for himself and can't do what he suppose to do. I would take 100% fully responsible because he can't. And picture that all the converstation all he ever said is other people.... Does that sound like "air-headed?" *Eeewww* No, thanks! Maybe there's a girl out there who wouldn't mind to control him. Not me...

It just amaze me sometimes. I wonder how the world did those people like that able to survive here on Earth??

I'm still amazing that women managed to survive in men's world during and after the cavemen. When the men in control over women, when women didn't have right, when women are consider a properties, they managed to surive into today's world. Where we have the right to fight for the justice. We, women, are able to stand up for ourselves.

However, there's a certain problem, in so many ways, many women are codependent because we raised from gerenation to gerenation that we must be caretaker and forgot to take care of ourselves. One story I read, there is a 33 years old woman who died as natural causes of old age. She has 4 sons.

My mom went on preaching to me that I suppose to put my dog, Reese, first before me. It is the same with children. I always must put her first of everything and blah blah blah. Geez mom, sorry, mom, I disagree that kind of crap.

Yeah, I do agree by walk my dog and make sure that she's being fed and taken care of and etc. I will put her first if she got sick or injury. If I have the baby, I will feed the baby because the baby can't feed him/herself. Above all else, I will put myself first. Problem is that I really do not know how since I do not have a role model for that.

It's funny, when I read the magzine about Dr. Phil. He mention that his father is alcoholic and etc. He believes that the marriage comes first before the children. Because often times when the parents focus of being father and being a mother, they often forgot each other as husband and wife. They can end up divorce or re-learn each other all over again. And the children doesn't have a good role model of how to have a good and healthy relationship as husband and wife.

That's same for me. That's why I disagree of putting children first. I believe that I'm first and the marriage comes 2nd and children comes 3rd. Now, notice that I said I'm first before others??

It is similar idea when you put yourself first between you and God. And marriage second. So, everything that comes first is yourself (weather or not you are with God). Take care of yourself is very important before you can take care of others or you will end up an old woman at age 30's. Be able to sit back and mediate or relax or read a book for an hour everyday of just being yourself. I think that is very important that other (husband, parents, family, children) should respect that. If they can't, then go find your favorite and pravite spot where you can be alone.

I remember when my first ex wouldn't leave me alone when I need to be by myself. No matter what I said or do. So, I disappeared without him knowing and I found a perfect spot where no one can bother me and I took my time to read book and think about many different things. I decided to do that for 3 hours of my time because I haven't been time for me for several months. I felt so much better!! I feel refresh and full of energy of just being me of my time of the moment. I feel happier. Of course, when I came back and my ex said where have you been?? I've been looking for you. I said somewhere. I refuse to tell him where I was so I can continue to stay in my private place where he can't interfere me. He wasn't happy about that. Too Bad!

So, it is very important to put yourself first before others. (Unless there's an emerengy and etc, now that's a different story, put them first until they heal.)

NPD

Hey Jennifer thanks for the word of support!

Hiya Christine, here's another Narcissistic Websites. That would give you better idea what is that a like.

This would be best choice for Narcissistic Male and Women. When you read those two that would give you somewhat similar of what I was going through. Remember reading and experiences are two different things. It's a not pretty picture. Try imagine to live someone like Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekell.

Or for those who are big fans of Stargate and Dr. Daniel Jackson. Watch Lifeboat, again. Picture what's that like living with nice guy and next minute will be angry guy. The actor, Micheal Shanks, would be excellent for acting as NPD! He's good. I can see four different people in him. I'm truly impressed. Oh I love the way he's playing as a little boy. Oh so adorable!! Makes me wanna hug him!

Going through this would take a long time to heal.

NPD males tends to drive women to become insanity. I remember his story the way of how he said that it wasn't his fault that his previous 2 girlfriends went to Mental Institute. I've realize it was him. I almost went into insanity myself. Know who you are and that's what saved your life.

That's a lot more story for that.

Quote of the day: An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching. ~Gandhi~

Shocking Moment

I couldn’t believe of what I see. Behold, my ex, John, who has Narcissism Personality Disorder (NPD). He’s using online for date. I can’t believe that he added me to his favorite on his list. When I saw the picture of him, my heart went beating faster. I can’t believe it that he is still chasing me. He found my profile. He’s now paying member so he can contact and talk to every women. He’s the man who is a spider to try to lurk them in the web and stuck there for rest of her life with him. He just uses them.

Part of me really wants to destroy him the same way he tried to destroy me for who I am. I know I can’t do that. Somewhere, I read that if you tried to get revenge then it will turn back to you twice. I have no choice but to Let go and Let God. If it is God’s will so be it. Deep inside of me wants to warn many women that man is dangerous!! My heart is screaming for that. However, there’s nothing I can do about it. Sometimes in life, I have to let them learn for themselves. Other women may want to learn and others might be stuck with him and didn’t know it. There’s nothing I can do about that. I am not feeling sorry for that man. I feel sorry for the women who suffered the most.

It’s funny. Since I’ve learned about NPD, I can identify in my family member who has it, one of my uncle and my grandma. I’m not sure about others, yet.

Oh I almost forgotten, one guy I spoke to online, he also have NPD. It’s really amazing me just by asking specific questions but in a general way without seem attacking to him.



Anyway, since he had been oppressed me and I kind of lost my sarcastic for long time. Finally, it came back. That is who I am, too. Here’s my two interesting moments…

One day, I was with my parent, my mom suddenly said, “Oh, I have good news!”

I was like, “What?”

Mom sound excited, “I have your father’s permission…” I interrupt with puzzle in my face expression, “Since when do you need my dad’s permission?”

It’s true. Every time when my mom wants to buy or something and waiting for my dad’s permission; however, he never said anything but spend on his side. It pissed off my mom that my dad put her on hold and didn’t make any agreements and dad spend on whatever it is. So my mom grabs the credit card and spends on what she wants.

My mom laughed when I said that. Dad has different perspective about that. I wish you could see his face expression. He was frowning his forehead and puckers his lip. He wasn’t happy about my respond. My mom was too busy laughing and didn’t notice him.

Here’s the second story:

My parents were planning to make bbq pork ribs on that day. My mom asked me if I want veggie or turkey burger. I was like, “Are we going to have pork ribs?”

My mom replied, “Yeah, but it has all the fats and salts.” I was puzzle, “Are we going to throw them away?” My mom said, “NO!” I know my mom hated the idea to waste the food and money for that.

So I asked, “Whatcha going to do with them?” She said, “I don’t know.” I said, “Well then, we’re going to eat them.” My parent’s just laughed.


I wonder, should I write a book about my life and experiences?

I had forgotten to give the quote of the day: If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotations every 28 days. ~Robin Williams~ (Mmm does that make ya wonder?)

Wonder of Path

Wondering about things that I want to do or would like to do.

So many choices and so many things to do and very little time to do those. Years of school and Years of life.... Been to Grand Caynon, Ruby Falls, Florida, Comzel (sp?), Hawaii and few other things.

Choices of career for life: Teacher, scientist, missionary, vet, computer programmer, psychologist, counsler, writer, movie star, artist, modeling, lawyer, political, government and more.

I wonder what would it be like? My goal is scientist, teacher, computer programmer, or missionary. I narrow down to Marine Biology. I often wonder would I enjoy doing those? Or will I be unhappy? I do know that happiness is within not outside of surrounding. Some people think I should be a teacher since I'm very good at explaining things in classroom. For example when a student didn't understand a teacher and asked several times, the student still not be able to get it. I raised my hand and asked if I may try to explain (usually when I get tired of hearing again and again and wasting half the class time). Which teacher let me, so I explain in a different way and the student understood clearly. I have been doing that several times so that's why the teacher thinks that I should be a teacher.

Plus I have another advantage that I've travel a lot and meeting different teachers and have been taught in different methods of their way of how to teach children and I've learned in those several different kind of methods. Also I've learn a new technique that previous teacher didn't taught me. I have the ability to accept the challenge.

Some said I should be counsler since I'm very good at giving advice and listening (sometimes). I've also enjoy learning different disorder that people are having but living with someone who has disorder is a whole new ballgame. It is very interesting experience for me.

Mmmm I wonder if I should change my career?

Right now, I'm focus on present and pay off my bills first.

This is life.

My dog, Reese, is such a cutie!


I don't normally allow her to get on the bed if I'm on the bed. But guess what?


When I get up in the morning, here she is on my bed and enjoy every minutes of it. Lucky, I didn't made my bed. I couldn't resist seeing her like that so I took a picture of her thru pager that I use. It might be a little bit blur.

*aaahhh this must be a good life like this.*