one more thing...

I almost forgot to mention. I got msg from John. It is short and simple. His words "Good morning. I hope all is well with you and hope you are doing great. We are doing good and very busy these days now. T'care"

He send it to me on Mar 7th early morning. In fact, he's morning person. He is not night person. Of course, I haven't replied. I think I mention before, I'm consider to change my pager's address. Mmmm I may wait alittle longer, if he send again, I will change it. I can call 800-number to change it if I want to. I just rather not change, it make my parent wonder why I do that. Unless I come up a new exuse for it. I just don't like making up a new story espeically it is none of their business.

I wasn't expect him still keeping in touch but then again he can be presentist(sp, means wouldn't give up), sometimes.

Possible Conclusion

Well, I'm not sure if I did mention this earlier since I've been mention my friends and family so it is hard to keep up who or which one I haven't been told and who I have already been told.

Also, I didn't check my blog lately to see which should I update or not.

Obvious, this month is busy for me by paying bills and preparing for Mother's Day and her birthday.

Now about my possible conclusion, I've been thinking about going ahead and graduate. So I've already check out community college. I've been checking out Fall classes; however, I may postpone until Spring. I found out that my parent may go to Colorado this Aug and Sept. It will be full 2 months.

Well, that give me alittle bit more time to assurance to know this is the right path for me to go. Plus I only visit as in undergraduate college but not graduate student. (Yes, I have thinking about go for master degree.) So I would feel better by visiting one more time as for graduate visitiation since I still have more questions to ask.

I've been considering to major in biotechnology in master degree. So that's why I feel if I go ahead and graduate I would feel like rush into things without visiting first espeically I still have more questions.

I know I can go ahead and take classes in the Fall and stay home alone for 2 months. It doesn't bother me. However, I prefer to visit one more time to make sure I know this is where I'm really going.

Granted, I could go and visit this summer but my parent and I can't since the bills will increase worst during summer and also gas prices had gone up, too. It isn't good time. If I could afford, I would go but I can not. Neither does my parent.

Rodeo

First time, I went and watch live in the audience. Those cowboys had been joining for contest of riding bulls and hope to last 8 seconds. None of them succeed. However, two where injuries. One man couldn't move his legs nor his feet. It seems like paralized. Other man had hit in the head while his body was twisted. It looks so painful. However, he barely can walk but at least his legs were able to move.

I prefer a roping to the calves and horses run around the barrels in circle. I enjoy those best. During in between, there's kids from 8 to 12 come down while they try capture calf. Later, 8 below try capture two young sheeps. One little boy came up to a man with open arms. That must be his daddy. He picked him up with a hug. I think that is sooo cute.

Next was age 16 and up for women, I refuse to go. There was about 7 women who brave enough to go down. The man who talk thru mircophone asked these women if they had any idea about this. They said, "no." I lean over and told mom I bet they are going to do the dance. I was right. There is competition who make best dance by make up their own. They dance same dance. So they had to do blindfold. Again, the man told them to do the dance. The two clowns(who respoible for driving bulls and wild horses away) came one by one by taking blindfold away and send them by the fence but one woman who still standing in middle with blindfold. The music stop. The man said that they are in tied and must dance again. Poor one woman dance with her might with different moves. The music stop. The man told "them" to take blindfold. This one woman who did and she was shocked that she's the only one who did that. In fact, her face was red. The audience laughed. I actually felt sorry for her. But truth is, it is so funny.

Last, they did another wild horse ride and bull ride.

It was interesting. Plus there was fesitival around with lots of goodies and history. It will happen again in Oct, Dec, and March. That is a good thing because it was soo hot today with 90 degree. We only stay out for short time. So, we plan to come down again this Oct that way we would be able to enjoy in nice weather.

I took some pictures. People were wearing civil war outfits, the yankees and rebals outfits. There are some wear cowboy outfits and indians. There was short skits outside. There were camels. In fact, they did had 75 camels in early 1800's for Texas, AZ, and Califorina. They plan to continue however they had to stop due to focus on civil war. It shows some history here in Texas that I didn't know about. It is interesting.

Oh, my parent and I stop one of steakhouse and it was delious!!! It cooked under hickory woods. Yummy ribeye steak that I order and it is expensive so I decided to pay my own instead of depend on my parent. Plus, I had the money leftover since I manage to paid off this month.... Yes, month of May. After I've postpone twice and didn't say a word to my parent about it. Now, I have to start preparing and save again for June to pay the bill. Something not to look forward to but I got to since I do not want my interest rate to go up for not paying my bills.

However, I think I can manage to pay for June, also.

Meantime, since I'm working on Mother's Day, so I decided to give a surprise gift that I have been holding on since Feb. Yes, after Xmas sale for 75% off. It also had 10 KT gold. I was so hoping that mom like it. I was anxious to give it to her and I did. My mom did love it and surprised also. I was glad! In fact, she was wearing it all day, today. It match her outfit perfectly.

I'm looking forward for tea party this coming week for her birthday. Mom and I did made reservation for it. We will be wearing a dress and a hat. Yes, hat is acceptable and most women did wear hats to the tea. That sound like fun! However, I haven't buy anything for my mom's birthday. Well, I did bought her purse to go with her dress however, she was there that time. I had to make sure if she likes it and looks ok with dress because sometimes it is hard for me to tell weather or not it look good with outfit or is it too causual or too formal and not just right kind of purse for outfit. I want something that surprised her unexpected like I did today. So I'm hoping there is after Mother's sale for her birthday and make sure that it is within my budget limit.

Beginner's luck

When first time being introduce of "how's to play poker?" I've won several times. Haha. When mom look at my cards, then mom look at me and said, "you got to be kidding me!" What she meant is that I have a good hands or high score of chance to get win. Lol. I thought that was kewl!

Dad seems to enjoy that game cuz he been saying one more times several times before he goes to bed. He usually go to bed by 9pm but ended up at 10pm.

Well, speaking of bed, I better go. Good nite!

white pieces...

Earlier today, I spotted something in my hair then I look closely.... I saw several different white string mix with my red hair. OY! I couldn't believe that I'm having white hair... No wonder why I started to feel old. Well, thank goodness it isn't obvious.... Yet...

Personally, I just getting tried of changing different schedules and contact in last minutes for work. I prefer stick with same pattern to make it whole lot eaiser. I'm just not getting any younger to toldence working differnt time schedule. Even though a lot people still assume that I'm under 18 yrs old. That's might be why that they think I can toledolce(sp) because I'm young... Which my appearce looks so young and I'm not.

I haven't hear from VR in whole week so I did email my VR recently. I hope to hear by Monday, if not by end of the week, I will contact VR again on Saturday. I tends to wait for on week then email every Saturday, if I didn't hear by Friday. So, yes, I give 5 days chance.

**************************
About the neighbor, the abusive man did had a chat with my dad. He said that this man is planning to sell a house and rebuild a new house where he and his wife and children move in together. If that is true, then the court have no choice to take children away. However, mom and I were hoping that he just "big talk" but really behind the story isn't true... They sell house and split profit and go seprate way.

I dunno... Wait and see about that one.

All I know is that he's still living with them and they haven't start sell the house, yet. I wonder how long wld it last? Espeically, do they have deadline?
*************************

Anyway, overall, we are doing ok. Animals are doing good. Oreo is still good since surgery. He enjoys being outside.

Reese still loves going to park. Everytime when she's really exciting she sounds like a monkey "hoo-hoo-hoo" in a whiney kind of way. She's still sweet as ever.

Tom-Tom is still a grumpy old cat. Should name him Grumpy from that Snow White and 7 dwarves. That's a perfect name for him. However, he's doing ok and still likes to have attention.

Seen Golden Compass

Yep, it is a movie that I saw recently. I was at confuse. So I decided to watch second time, I finally understood. I read somewhere that people did got confuse. At least I'm not the only one. However, they didn't mention abt watching second time. I understood better after I watch 2nd time. The movie was ok. It kinda dragging on. I feel like wanna to say get to the point will ya?

Personally, I prefer Lord of the Rings, Neverending Story, Bridge Tereabethia(sp), and couple others are best so far.

Also, I heard that there's a story actually written by anthist(sp) or anti-christianity or anti-catholic. However, the movie completely change around to satified to Christianity people. It is nothing like the book itself. So I dunno if that is true. As far I see the movie, I don't see anything relate to it. Plus, I haven't read the book.

I also watched Harry Potter movies; however, I have not read that book, either.

Well, I better go and get some sleep. Good nite.

Nothing new

Everything is pretty much same O, same O...

I took Reese out to park. Even though I took allegery pill, the pollen did affect my headache cause after I finish walking then back to the car. Headache started. Oy! However, I arrived home and took myself tenyhol(sp).

It is such beautiful weather. It made me want to just lay on hammock and rock. Just think of that makes me woozy. There's a nice breeze blowing and sun is warm with tempature of 76 degree. It is perfect! I could sleep outside like that kind of weather. The smell of air is mild sweet with a touch of honey.

Just beautiful, beautiful, and beatiful outside... Part of me am glad that I'm not working. It is nice advantage of spring time and enjoy!

Oh I almost forgotten. About Oreo, my mom did took him to vet and had removed the nutural(sp). Vet had to keep him for a day. Finally, he came home. Mom didn't know that he had to be kept in small room and no allow for jumping or running. Mom and I weren't happy about that. Because after surgery, we let the cat go around their buisness. Even let them outside.... That was 2 cats that we had.... Oreo is 3rd cat.

Mom was about to put him in the bathroom. I reminded that Oreo likes to jump on high and he did curl up in the sink. He loves to curl up in the bathroom sink. I suggestion to put him laundry room, where he can't jump. The wash machine and dryer's height is above my head. I'm 5'4 so these 2 machines is possible 5'5 or 5'6. So, Oreo cannot jump that high.

He had to stay and coop up from 10 to 14 days. Oreo was begging to get out. His paw went under the door. My mom and I were feeling guilty about it. In 2 days, I went inside the laundry room and gave him alots of loving. Oh, there is one more thing, we can't pick him up..... I repeat CAN'T pick him up. Geez, how diffcult that can be?? Anyway, mom encourage him to get inside of carrier. He almost refuse but managed to get him in. Mom put carrier outside in the shade. Where he can look out and listen the birds. Reese did visit him, too. Mom and I were talking to Oreo.

Next day, I had idea. I did bought about 2 yrs ago. There is worth 2 hours "cat-sitter" viedo. That shows different types of birds, butterflies, mices, hamster, fishes, parrot, and squirrel. All are alternate. He haven't see that one. I did show to Tom-tom, even though he is outside cats and did hunt few times, he actually enjoys watching. So I think Oreo wld like that. Mom and I put him in carrier. We set on small and high table nearby tv. I start on that tape. He was sure fanscanting! I was glad.

After another couple more days, he got bored with that tape. Instead, I was busying organizing and dusting. Oreo was just watching me. And I was just talking to him. That helps a lot for him. That also encourage him drinking and eating cuz at first, he wasn't until we interact with him even he's in carrier. He's doing better.

Finally, 10 days were up. We decided to let him out. Boy! He's everywhere! He's jump on my bed and running around and etc. He constantly on the go. By the afternoon, he haven't take his nap since in the morning. So, mom went ahead put him in her bedroom while we eat out for dinner. When we came back home. Mom and I were checking on him. He's asleep on the bed. We let him out again. He runs around like crazy. I went ahead put him in laundry room for a night. On second day, he did again. He jump around and running around. However, in early afternoon, he found himself a quiet spot to sleep. On the third day, he's becoming more calm. He's still walk around and etc but he's a lot more calmer. On 4th day, mom did let him outside for a little while. So, he can get use to familiar with his area.

Today is 5th day, mom did let him out again. He is back to usual self, now.

Well, that's all for now.

Cold treats for hot summer

Start to get ready for nice cold snacks but it isn't good to have all those sugars and fats that increase your fat and make ya more hot than cooler.

My favorite healthy treats, red or white grapes. First, pick them all out and get rid of green vine thing that you don't eat. Second, wash them real good. Then put in the large zip-lock bag, finally, put in freezer.

Leave it overnight...

When you take it out, put some (whatever amount u like) in a bowl then rest in the bag back to freezer.

Oh I strongly suggestion to bite half cuz it is really too cold to use the whole thing in the mouth. It has slushy textures. If you like popicicals(sp) or slushy I.C.E.E from big store or snow cones. You'll like this one and it is more healthy espeically when hot summer comes around soon and that frozen grapes tasted so good and keep you cool.

Great way for healthy treats!

keep on going

I am doing alittle bit better after the grieve with Amy. Of course, I will always miss her and she will never be forgotten.

Right now, I'm not working this week. I really dislike it. I already contact to my VR counsler. I hope to manage to bring up to have different job. From what I understand that they do train Data Entry. So I'm going to apply that one. Lately I notice mostly it is 8am to 4pm M-F. It is exactly what I want. Because, mainly our focus is education. When I prefer do both...

Speaking of education, I'm still working on it. In fact, my mom thinks that I'm not going back. How rude!?!

Well, I'm trying to make up my mind. That's one of my weakness when I couldn't make up from my mind. Right now, I'm looking at biotechnology, biochemistry, and mircobiology.

I did made a few more phone calls with couple more questions to ask. Later something pop in my mind. There is another questions that I wld like to ask. After the questions, then I wld know for sure what would be my next plans.

I hate last minutes and dislike postpone either; however, I'm considering to wait until next year to make things planning out. I want everything ready by then without any last minutes.

By the way, I forgot to mention. I did apply several different blogs as well as myspace.com I couldn't figure it out and ended up here blogger.com. It is a lot easier. I notice myspace.com is very popular; however, I couldn't figure it out. I did ask few people to explain and etc but didn't able to make it work.

Tonight

(Techinically, last night and tonight, what I mean is I went to deaf place and I stayed until 2am).

I met one guy from the introducing by other pserson. I kept myself cool. I chat with him, he seems nice. I try to meet others but it wasn't easy because they tends to already have friends and they chat with each other. I did partpate couple times. But I still alittle isolate few times. I know it will take time. I went second time. Again, I did chat little by little and still isolate from time to time. Like I said, I know it take time to warm up with people. Plus, I have to be careful who I make friends with. There is same guy there, he seems to like me; however, there is a girl there seems to like him, too.

Now, this my 3rd time, I show up. I chat alittle bit more than time. And I notice 2 guys seems to like me plus one more(the one who I met twice).

Ok, seem like there's something is up, now. Hahahahaha, honestly, I'm having fun. I'm just checking them out. Right now, I'm taking easy and taking my time. I admit some are cute and other one isn't so bad looking. Two are working warehouse-something and another one is working archetict(sp). Mmmmm...

This guy seems to like me while other girl like him. I just back off and let that girl chase him. Hahaha, but he usually ended up coming back to me. He would go to other room while that girl ended up with him and I just stay the same room and chat with others. He would come back and give me alittle touch like his hand would pat on my shoulder or brush by arms. It is more subtle. Not so obvious nor go too far where I have my boundary. He actually wink at me couple times across room. It is obvious that he try to advoid that girl and keep coming back to me. I just laid-back and watch the show. Hahaha. I just let it go and let the nature take it course.

Smile.

Meanwhile I met 2 more singal guys and they seems to attract to me too. I mean I sat alone at the bar on the stool and be a people-watcher. Little did I know, someone sat behind me. Later, I notice something, there is a guy who sat beside me. He was talking to someone. I was looking to see who is he talking to. Then I thought, is he talking to himself? I had to ask out loud, "who r u talking to?" He pointed way across at the other side of the room. Then I spotted a lady there. She said that she was talking to him. Then bla, blah, blah, then ended up he and I was chatting. My gut is telling me that he's checking me out.

Later, another guy seems to check me out, too. Meanwhile, poor guy is trying to get away from that girl.

Like I said, tonight wasn't so bad.

By the way, they kept saying that they were surprised that I'm fully deaf and I look too much similar like an hearing person. I can't help but wondering.... Is that good or bad??

Decisions

Well, I'm trying to make up my mind of what I want. This time I decided not pursue business. Since I'm very much introvert. However, there are some introvert are extremely good of being extrovert. Business is usually require for extrovert because have to deal with workers plus costumers. I have to make sure that eveybody is happy, fairly and etc. Well, I decided not to go after business.

Lucky, last Sunday, I went out by myself and I really needed that and in fact I ate dinner alone. As usual, I ended up at bookstore. I did visit different dept. Nothing spark my interest. Last, I went to Fastasy/sci-fi; however, it is too much fantasy and less sci-fi. Nothing spark my interest. I've feeling bored with books lately. I eneded up looking at poetry. I haven't got bored with it. I truly enjoy reading it.

Later, I went down to another dept. I spotted something. It is over 200 careers for introvert. That's when I grab it. I did look it over and decided to buy it. I hope it is worth it. Maybe that helps me decided which is best for me.

My lunch hour is over. (Yes, I'm working).

Wishing...

I wish I could afford a lot of things. Right now, I really want to fly over Washington d.c. There is someone might understand better with my situation with Amy.

Maybe my 2nd mom would understand if I speak to her in person but I kinda doubt it.

Like I said, I wish I could fly at D.C., right now.

*sigh*

So far, I kept myself busy at home and work. It helps me keep on going. Just when at night when things are quiet. That does make me think about Amy. That's all. Sometimes I do keep myself by reading stories or "how to set up a business" book. I do alternating that at night. That also help me to go sleep to keep my mind off. I know I can't avoiding but I just can't constantly think about it. Is that normal? I have no idea since this is first time for me.

Well, I did had my first pets had died and I did grieve but I think that's because I had support. My parent were greiving, too. So I wasn't really alone.

Guess what?

Remmy I mention about me cleaning and I wasn't good enough by boss' boss? Well, speaking of that new boss, she left. Her last day was last week. There was no informed to anyone and no good-byes. I admit part of me am glad but at same time, I grow accomousted to her way. I guess will find out who is a new supervisor for next. Part of me hoping that next boss would be better. However, I still want to perpare the worst and hope for the best.

Well, I have to work tmw. I'm still working on less and less hours. I dislike that. I have my bills to pay. Only thing I mostly work is Friday and Saturday lately. Only times I work is Friday... Or none. I need more hours. This is cutting too short. I think because people are shopping less and less cuz others are saving money. It is April. Normally, people shop and getting ready for summer and buying swimsuits and etc. Plus, weekends are almost always busy. Espeically Memorial Day Weekend... Lately, the store is not so busy. It is getting quiet and quiet... Then quieter and quieter. It is getting quiet like a libaray. You can almost hear a pin hit on the floor.

This year isn't doing any good for econmic(sp?).

Princess

The mix german sharpard female dog, the one I used to have. May she rest in peace. She is so sweet and eagar to please. There is a story that I would like to tell. Actually, it is more of my mom's story that she told me about.

We were living in the country home. My dad was at home and watching tv. My mom was walking in a long walk to the mailbox. It is on the dirt driveway. She pass by one of the old car that my dad kept postponing to get rid of it. Truth is, my dad was so exhuasted from work. Most of the time he do the dirty work for those who doesn't and he had to keep pushing others who is lazy. Sometimes, he had to work on weekends and overtime. My dad was soo exhausted to do anything until he transfer another job. He was much better but that's another story. Right now, we focus on mom. By the time she reached to the mailbox, she notice something moving from her corner of her eye. She turn around and saw a big dog is running toward her. There is no warning of attack nor barking. It is slient attack. My mom ran to the junky car and hoping that she could get in but the door is lock. My mom had to yelled, "Richard!!!" that's my dad's name. My mom knew it wouldn't do any good since it is too far from the house plus tv is on. My mom was struggling to get on top of the car. She isn't good with physical work.

The dog is very close to grab my mom's leg. Out of nowhere, Princess showed up by passing between the dog's face and mom's leg then start attack that dog. Mom ran to the house and got on the screen backpoach. There's a gate to block off. As she did, she looked up to see how's Princess doing. Only thing she saw was the dog ran off and Princess almost in the chase. Mom called her to come. She quicky stop and obey. She came onto the poach. Princess did saved my mom's life.

Nothing New

Yep, nothing is new. Just working at work. During my off days, I help around the house. Yep, I need to get back on my track and start fill out the application and FASAFA(sp?). Soon... Sometimes this week. I found out another visitation wld not be until May. It's getting late. Sooner I start now the better chance to accept the college. I already made up my mind. I don't want to wait too long.

Today I'm working. I'm writing this on my lunch break. My lunch break is soon over. Ugh, I don't want to go back.

Oh by the way, as I was speaking of the neighbor, the mean father did came back to help to start the mother's car's battery isn't working. Now, he's been staying over the night and not left.

A letter from God...

Crystal’s Note: I stumbled across this letter in a magazine. I couldn’t agree with it more. I believe if God could speak to all humankind at once, especially during these troubled times of terrorism and war, this is exactly the message we would all receive.

Yes, this letter was written by a mortal man - an intelligent one at that because it sure makes a whole lot of sense!

So please, read the letter, with your mind and heart open, and think about it…and try to make the best out of the precious time you have here on Earth. ~Crystal

********************************

An Impatient Letter to All of Us

from God March/April 1998

My Dear Children (and believe me, that’s all of you),

I consider myself a pretty patient guy. I mean, look at the Grand Canyon. It took millions of years to get it right. And I’ve been patient through your fashions, civilizations, wars and schemes, and the countless ways you take me for granted until you get yourselves into big trouble again and again.

But on this occasion of my son’s 1,989th birthday, I wanted to tell you about some things that are starting to tick me off.

First of all, your religious rivalries are driving me up a wall. Enough already! Every religion claims there’s only one of me - which, by the way is absolutely true. But in the very next breath, each religion claims it’s my favorite one. And each claims its bible was the only one written personally by me.

Let’s get one thing straight: These are your religions, not mine. I’m the Whole Enchilada: the Spirit beyond them all. I’m your Father and Mother, and I don’t play favorites among my children. Also, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t write. My longhand is awful, and I’ve always been more of a “doer” anyway. So all your books, including the bibles, were written by inspired, remarkable people, but they also made mistakes here and there. I made sure of that. You see, I want you to trust your own inner connection with me more than anything else. Holy books are sacred and powerful, but they were only meant to steer you inside yourself, not to keep you arguing with each other. One human being to me - even a bum on the street - is worth more than all the holy books in the world. That’s just the kind of guy I am. My Spirit is not an historical thing. It’s alive right here, right now, as fresh as your next breath.

Which brings me to your next nonsense: You act like I need you and your religions to stick up for me or “win souls” for my sake. Please, don’t do me any favors. I can stand quite well on my own, thank you.

And another thing: I don’t get all worked up over money or politics, so stop dragging my name into your dramas. For example, I never threatened Oral Roberts. I never rode in any of Rajneesh’s Rolls Royces. I never told Pat Robertson to run for president, and I’ve never had a conversation with Jim Bakker or Jerry Falwell! Of course, come Judgement Day, I certainly intend to…

The thing is, I want you to stop thinking of religion as some sort of loyalty pledge to me. The true purpose of religion is for you to become more aware of me, not the other way around. Believe me, I know you already. I know what’s in each of your hearts, and I love you with no strings attached. Lighten up and enjoy me. That’s what religion is for.

What you seem to forget is how mysterious I am. You look at the petty differences in your scriptures and say, “Well, if this is the truth, then that can’t be!” But instead of trying to figure out my paradoxes and subtleties - which, by the way, you never will - why not focus on the simple unarguable fundamentals?

You know what I’m talking about: love and respect everyone. Be kind. Even when life is scary or confusing, take courage, for I am always with you. Learn how to be quiet, so you can hear my still, small voice (I don’t like to shout). Leave the world a better place by living with dignity and gracefulness. Hold back nothing from life, for the parts of you that can die will surely die, and the parts that can’t, won’t.

Simple stuff. Why do you keep making it so complicated? Do you think I care whether you call me Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Brahma, Father, Mother, The Void or Nirvana? Do you think I care which of my special children you feel closest to - Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammed or any of the others? They all live in one place (my heart) and they get along perfectly, I assure you. Stop creating a myth of sibling rivalry where there is none. Just go about my business of loving one another as I love you. How can you keep forgetting something so simple?

You don’t have to abandon your religions or combine them into One Big Mess. Enjoy your religions, honor them, learn from them, just as you should enjoy, honor, and learn from your parents. But do you walk around telling everyone that your parents are better than theirs? Like your parents, your religion may always have a special place in your heart; I don’t mind that at all. And each religion is unique for a reason. Each approaches my great mystery in its own way. But religions are not football teams, so please drop your childish “We’re #1″ attitude!

The world has grown too small for religious narcissism. The whole planet is connected by air travel, satellite dishes, telephones, fax machines, diseases, rock concerts, and mutual needs and concerns. Get with it! If you really want to celebrate the birthday of my son Jesus, then begin figuring out how to feed your hungry, clothe your poor, and shelter your homeless. Just as important, make your own everyday life a shining example of kindness and good humor. I’ve given you all the resources you need, if only you abandon your fear of each other and begin living, loving, and laughing together.

As I love Him, so do I love each of you. I’m not really ticked off. I just wanted to grab your attention because I hate to see you suffer. After giving you free will, what can I do now, other than to try to influence you though reason, persuasion, and a little manipulative guilt? After all, I am the original Jewish mother. I just want you to be happy.

Your One and Only,
God

Written by Bo Lozoff.

Bo Lozoff is a writer/songwriter and director of the Human Kindness Foundation in Durham, North Carolina. The Foundation’s major program, the Prison Ashram Project, works with prisoners and prison staff in more than 40 counties. Mr. Lozoff’s books include We’re All Doing Time , Inner Corrections.

Neighbor rumors

Well, accoeding to little girl who spoke to the neighbor and that neighbor spoke to my mom. This sweet girl said that the court had decided to make her parent into divorce. If they refuse, the court will take the kids away. Once they divorce, the kids will stay with her mom.

She also mention that her dad just beat her mom. She meant earlier, today. No wonder I saw her mother is trying to cover herself this afternoon. Not only that, her father did drove away I dunno if he had came back or not. It is truly sad.

Speaking of neighbor, there is several houses next to us, where the house is totally empty belongs to somebody from Calforina. It has been 3 years since my parent and I lived here. The lady did came to stop by doing some cleaning and check on the house.

Until few weeks ago, they put up a rental sign. However, it is not cheap. I'm the one who check that out. Guilt! I thought it wld be neat to live next to my parent. The price is 2,000 dollars a month and unilities are not included. Wow! Was first thought in my mind. Never mind that.

*sigh* I wish my boss's boss would give me more hours to work. Lately I'm off. I only work on weekends. Well, I'm free, today. However, I look at my schedule, it is still blank. They just call me in last minutes for those who doesn't show up for work.

Truth is, even my off days, I search and apply other job but so far, nothing. I realize, one friend of mine thru facebook. She mention that she still searching for a job. She had graduated same as my other friend. Lucky, my other friend had a job while she doesn't. It must be frustrated for her. She even mention about consdering start herself a business. I laughed when I read that. Don't we all??

I admit that I did had my manic depression. Mainly because I hate working there and sooo cheap pay, I barely can pay my own bills and pay my parent of what I owe. I'm completely broke at this point until next payday. However, I don't think it wld be enough. My mom convience me to take prozac (that was several months ago before Amy had died). I did take it everyday. Once in a while, I missed but I managed to keep it up.

Prozac is truly helpful. It helps me to keep on going and less cranky; however, I still hate my work. I'm just so disappointed when I couldn't find anything else espeically the pay hours are sooo cheap.

Speaking of business, I did took my time to read about it. First, are you good at organizing? Guilt, I'm not. Procancasting can cuase buisness go down. Again, I'm the guilt. Are you highly moviating? Yes, I am. I know my weakness. Could I overcome my weakness?? If I am determined enough, yes I can. Are you self-starter? I have no idea if I am.

Mmmm, I better go. I still have a lot to think about.

Intense Dreams

I had intense dream last night. Amy's alive and I was in hopstial standing by her side. She had breathing tube as I was standing and wondering if she's going to be dead or alive. She woke up and was shock to see me then she gave me a long hug and a long kiss. *sigh*

Beloved

Beloved

I have traveled long and far
In search of that which had no name;
Along life's road I lost my way
And eluded me
Though the long and endless nights

Many dreams were shattered;
There had been much betrayal
And I was weary from the trying
I did not know how much was beyound my ken

I thought I knew the face of love
Though I had never seen it
Now felt it touch my heart
Until the fateful day
When We first met

Now I can say I know love's song
It's dance and every taste
I know it's face
For I have held it in my hands.
It's name is yours

~written by Amy K.~

That poem was written for me by the one who I loved. There are several other poems that I kept; however, this one is my favorite. I know Amy prefer not to share in public but I had to. It shows how much she loves me as much as I love her. No one ever wrote me a poem. No one ever surprised me when I came out of shower there are several candles lighted up. I stood there with awe as my eyes followed to Amy and she stood and lean against the wall as she's study my body language. That touches my heart. No one ever done that for me.

She brought me a flowers and putting on dinning table as we ate together in apartment. When she and I kissed, there's no tongue involve. However, our lips were barely touches each other, it was like our soul were kissing as we entwined together. Her kiss did swept my feet off for real. No one ever swept my feet but her. Every time, we kiss, it was like always a first kiss.

Amy told me that she felt the same. In fact, she told me that she had kissed several other females before and she said that they wasn't best kisser as I am. I didn't know that for I never kissed any other females before. She's my first and my first true love.

When people mention they know if that person is the right one is dreamed of that person. When my former bf told me that he dreamt of me and asked me if I did. My respond no. Of course, he was disappointed. Later I realize I wasn't really loved him.

Amy is the one who I dream of, several times. It is same for Amy when she dreamed of me. Sometimes her dream and mine are sooo intense, it almost like she is there next to me and same with Amy. I realize that I really do love her a lot... More than she ever know.

And I'm sure it is same for her...

no title this time

*sigh* I contact my 2nd mom, apperarly(sp) she doesn't understand about my situation with Amy. Oh well.

Anyway, I did spoke to my dad and 2nd mom about their prespective of me building a certain buisness something that I had in my mind. They both said that it is unrealistic. *sigh* I guess they're right about that.

I have been crying the last two night and I did cried at work. I'm surprised no one seems to notice nor say anything about it. Maybe they just didn't care or didn't really pay attention. Don't matter. I'm just glad that I do not have to say anything. I managed to keep up with my work. I admit that I almost want to leave but I managed to keep on going and focus my work.

Well, I'm actually free this week; however, I would not be surprised if I wld be contact last minute for work, again.

Missing Amy K.

I know this isn't cheerful moments. I missed her big time. I wished she didn't died. I justed finished read the last msg that she send to me on March 6th. She did mention that she's getting sick again and see doctor next day and possible stay in hopstial. That isn't first time she mention because she usually in and out due to her genetic diease. I didn't hear from her until John told me about Amy. My heart just sink and prayed that isn't true.

Like I said, I wished she lived few more years. Just to see her one more time. I also wish this isn't refleuction(sp, opposite for Great Depression) since prices were high, we did mention about wait it out or go some places that is in USA, something cheaper for this summer. Now I do not had my chance. I know I should look at bright side that I was able to see her before she died but it is still not the same thing.

*sigh* I'm still hang in there. Just sad and disappointed. That's all.

Amy K. part 2

I got email from John at 7:21am. Today, they will bury Amy. I figured that John is there and Amy's parent paid John and Nicholas. Funny thing is that, he also said that he hope that I forgive and forget the past. When I looked back to this day, I realize. That is his most common comments "forgive and forget" but never once apology for his action nor behavior. Not once mention that was his fault and realize that and willing to make improvement. Sad but true.

I couldn't keep in touch with John. According to what I read nbr 1 best way to have closure is "No Contact" for NPD is damn good at sucking other people espeically when it comes to pity. Deep down I know John will find a way to draw me into relationship. Once contact then it will be a point of no return. I know about John's son. However if John's 2 daughters had managed to survive living with John. I'm sure Nicholas will be.

If Amy had survive through her mother for she also has NPD. And she managed to survive thru John's NPD. It same for everybody else weather we like it or not. We just have to accept and move on. Let the worries and burden onto God's hands.

It is same for me, I managed to survive through domanastic volience. We all are survival one way or another.

Like I said, I didn't respond back to John. However, if he keep on emailing me then a very good chance I wld change my email address that including my pager. I will keep on updating to people I know for those who I only contact to.

Wait and see...

R.I.P. Amy M. K.

(I dunno how long is this but possible very long blong) How did I first met her?

I met her through my boyfriend, John. (Who is now my ex). It was at night during winter. I couldn't remember which month but I do remember it was snowing. Amy and I talk many different things for several hours, almost all night. My first impressions are smart, outgoing and scarcastic. She certain has a way with her words. Something about her spark my interest.

However, the story I hear from Amy, she said that she first saw me when I was in HMB building as I walk pass her, she couldn't help but want to look at my behind. So she did. Her first thought was I am way out of her league. Also, she watches me when I'm at cafeteria. First thing she sees me as straight.

Well, even though I act straight and wear female outfit and attract to males, part of me is very curious. I did had my first crush on christian female friend. I never said a word and minding my own business. I act causual like it is nothing.

That christian female friend of mine is married and have children.

Anyway, back to that story...

After a while, Amy want to set up as a group for all of us go together to Six Flags. Something had came up, people changed their mind and would not go. Amy seem very disappointed. I tried to cheer her up by coming over and ask her why not we just go ahead and go. She seem isn't in the mood.

Later I found out that, Amy trying to have a date with me but going out in a group. It is more of discreet way. I didn't know that what Amy was trying to do. So she tried to come up with other way. However, there isn't other way.

Finally, Jan 1st, Amy contact me through IM, she confessed that she had a crush on me. I wasn't expect that. I thought she wasn't interesting in me since she did avoiding me, sometimes.

I was surprised and she shared some poems with me that she wrote for me that she did wrote during time we were together.

John had really interfere a lot of ways. For one, John had said something that he thinks that would happen, so I talk to Amy and I discover it isn't true. It happens often in different situtations. John would twist in every way.

At the end, I broke up with John but I made him thinks that he's breaking up with me. I let him have his last words. He always have a last words.

After awhile, Amy got into coma and forgot everything had happened between me and Amy plus she forgotten her family. As usual, John didn't tell me that Amy still remeber me and John but does not remember her parent and rest of her family. John left out the part that Amy remebers me. Anyway, I thought that was it. It was the end. I thought it was fate. So I did not come back. I left.

After long time, I still kept thinking of Amy. I managed to push aside. It has been long time. I finally decided to contact Amy, again. We finally had been clear up a lot of misunderstanding and it was really John cuz this first place.

What's done is done but I do not have regrets. I'm glad that I had a chance to contact her and clear up. She and I are becoming best friends.

We did plan to have vacation to get together but sadly Amy have to leave and go to heaven. Her lungs are collesping.

Part of me is hoping that isn't true. Part of me is hoping that is just overreacting. So I contact few of my friends then I contact my 2nd mom. Finally, I decided to contact hopstial. Turn out, it wasn't overreacting. Since my money is limited plus I do not feel comfortable going alone. However, I was desperate to go from Texas to Minn.

I decided to contact 3 male friends (lucky, they are single and 2 are open-minded). Reason why is that I do not want John try to..... Ummm get me back, again or draw me into relationship with him. I know 2 male friends of mine would get along and act like they are my boyfriends or like a relationship, just to cover up. It is best way to prevent from.... John... I don't want to be around him alone. Sadly, they can't.

So I went ahead and contact a good friend of mine from Missiouri. When she said, yes. I was relieved and thrill. So I quickly contact my job to have someone to cover me. I was told to call next day. I dislike that. Instead, I went ahead and called several hours later, trun out, they have it cover. Again, I was relieved. I was very anixious. It is possible they will remove the breathing support on Thursday or Friday. So I want to be there by Wedensday, hopefully to be alone with her or something like that.

Wed, March 19th. I called hopstial and talk to Amy's mother. She said that they will disconnect the tube tonight. My first thought, I hope to be there before they do that. The early flight is 2 30pm... I arrived 4 45pm. I decided to tell Amy's mother, that I will arrive airport at 5pm. Part of me glad that I did cuz that gave me alittle bit more time. I got on shuttle on way to hotel that is near hosptial. My friend was driving to Minn. Some people find hard to believe that she is driving. Well, I think it is much cheaper than flight. Since mine is 500 dollars plus tax. It is rather expensive but not bad for last minutes. I was glad that my parent were willing to pay as long as I pay back because at first, they were not but when I mention that I will pay back then they will buy the plane ticket.

I couldn't sleep since Monday night and I barely eat much since I was on emotional. Part of me am glad that I'm taking prozac otherwise I might not be able to do anything. When I was on shuttle and it is close to 5 30pm. I called the hotel to double check that they reserved the room plus it have to be at least 10 minutes request for shuttle of half hour to one hour. My first thought I want to leave by 5 30 but I think it was too soon. So I did request for 6pm. Turn out I arrived at hotel 535pm. I knew that wasn't enough time. Meanwhile, I contact my friend to see where she was at. She said she should be there abt 15 minutes or so.

What's funny part? My friend told me that she arrived at hotel. So I came down at the evelator turn out she came up 3rd floor. Somehow, we missed each other as we continue contace as "where are you, now". I laughed when I found out that she's on 3rd floor then I turn around and came up while she told me that she will stay on 3rd floor. I was relieved and not so nervous anymore when I saw her. We chat breifly then on way to hopstial. Thank goodness for shuttle from hotel to hosptial. It certain save time of where should park and driving around to find hopstial, too. That really makes a differences. We arrived. I know my friend doesn't know Amy or anyone. I figured she might feel comfortable staying in family/waiting room. So I asked her if she want to stay. She said yes. I'm glad that she is there because when I'm in the room where family, John, and Amy, back of my head I know my friend is in the waiting room. I feel comfortable knowing she is there nearby.

My first saw was John. He hugged me then hold me. He started to cry. My first thought, who cares... I'm here for Amy, not John. I just being polite and ask how's going and etc. Finally, I ask can I see Amy? I was really anixious to see her. Back of my mind, I remind myself that Amy is on heavy medication and that she may not reconzed or still asleep. John and I walked down the hallway and chatting about Amy's situation. We stop at the curtian that half open and light is off. The only light that shine is from hallway. I saw family but I haven't see Amy. As John continue chatting, I saw alittle boy come up to me twice. By the third time, he approach me again, then walk back to the room. John asked, did you know that is Nicholas? My respond, I saw him in picture, is that him? John got Nicholas and we were being introduce. I saw a beautiful blue eyes. We were litterally looked into our eyes. That is Amy's son. I asked him, "may I have a hug?" He quickly gave me hug and then walk back to the room. John gave me yellow paper thing that covers our chest and down to knee. John is also put himself on. The moment we walk in the room, I quickly took my deep breath as I tried to fight my emotional back. John introduce me with Amy's parent, aunt, sisters and interpreter. I know one of her sister is blind since she has Usher Syndome. I spoke hi with her name. She nodded. Finally, I saw Sharon. John's wife. I have met her couple times. I came up to her and hugged her.

Finally, I approach to Amy which she lay on bed with breathing tube. Her eyes are half open. I was speechless. She doesn't look good. I stood nearby and hold her cold hand. John approach me and told me that she can't see due to heavy medication since her eyesights are blur. However, he told that that I can speak to her in her ear. So I did, "hey Amy, this is Crystal... This is Crystal, I'm here." She nodded. My heart just jumped. I told her, "I care and I love you." couple times. I sat on extra chair just like everyone else sitting. John told me that it felt right that he and I were there. I admit that I was kinda surprised to hear that from him.

I found out they will remove the breathing tube around 7pm. Because next step will be life support; however, several days ago, she made it clear that she doesn't want life support. So, they have to go ahead and remove the breathing tube.

So now, we are saying "good-byes". We are taking turn. First parents, sisters, aunts, John then me... Last is Sharon and Nicholas. I did said, "good-bye and I will see you soon." What I meant is that I know I will see her someday weather I die old or by car accident but I know I will see her again.
When mother explain to Amy that nurses will remove the breathing tube. She idmently grab the tube and try to pull it out herself. Her mother told her to be patience and let nurses do that for you.

John told me that Amy had tried to remove that tube, yesterday. Something tells me that she is ready to die.

We came out in hall. I went to waiting room and letting my friend know. After a while, Sharon came and got me. I told Sharon, "thank you for getting me." She nodded. I arrived, they were waiting in hallway. I spotted John's youngest daughter in her 20's. She was surprised to see me. I just nod and wait.

I saw nurses in Amy room. I figure that they give her medication and remove the tube. That medication is to prevent from feeling any pains.

They left then we all came back in. Amy is breathing on her own alittle bit for a while. Part of me is hoping that she's able to continue to breath on her own; however, her last breath, I saw her face turn to pale and her lips turn to gray. It only take a second. Next thing I saw, at least I think I see it, a smoke or fog-like is right above amy's body. I blink then it is gone. Again it take only split seconds. I was crying, others were crying. Amy's mother and other family are close by with Amy. I was pretty much in distance. Amy's mother left her position. I quickly went over just to be close to Amy. Deep down I knew Amy is watching us. John is manage to go to closeby Amy on other side of bed across from me. We both looked at Amy as we saying good byes. I notice her aunt didn't like that but I ingore her. Few moments, I notice Amy's mother came back and standing behind me. Then I back off and gave her postion back. That was my plan is to give her postion back. John gave me a look with puzzle. I told him, she's a mother. I know my mom want to be nearby if that happen to me, too. John respond, "understood."

Everybody was hugging but me. I was crying plus somewhat left out. Unexpectly, John's daughter pulled me for a hug. I was surprised because she seems didn't like me and basically she ingored me when I first met her. She tried hog all attention to John. I just back off and let her because I know that she is daughter and he is father. She was kinda rude. However, this time the situtation was different. We all have group hugged then invdiual hugs. Finally, everyone and I join hands and prayed. Amy's father prayed then John prayed.

Finally, John had asked me what's my plan. I told him that I only ate was peanuts and orange juice. Truth is I wasn't hungry since I was in emotional. I do know my stomach is empty and I must eat something. John did said that I can ride van with them and my friend can ride with his daughter. I do not want to be alone.... Espeically with John even though Sharon will be there. I refused. I mention, I prefer to be with my friend. John's daughter said that she has a room for two people in her car. I nodded.

After a while, we got lost. Part of me is glad that wasn't my friend and I. We just tag along and let them find the resturant.

Finally, we found it. As we got out of the car, John waited and watching. My friend walk forward. John really had to ask, Kare you two together?" My respond, "no!" John said that I refuse to be alone and that I require to be with her. And that I seems to be close. I told him that she and I were roomates. I couldn't picture myself with her. I only see her as my best friend, my sister, that's all I see her. I couldn't see anything farther than that. Part of me is glad that he couldn't figure out what the real reason. I do not want to be alone around John. No matter what! We continue to eat and chatting different things.

I decided to lied that my plane leaves tomorrow(Thurs) since my plane leaves Friday for I do not want to see them again.
John's daughter dropped us off. We arrive back to hotel room. We chatting for next few hours.

You know what? I'm just am glad that I get to see Amy and I'm glad I had a chance to say good bye. I'm glad that I made my choice to fly over. In fact, I felt more peace than I was before. Most of all, I'm really am glad that my friend was there.

Next morning, my friend had told me that something had came up and had to go back home. I was disappointed. I don't want to be alone. Then I realize, I'm not going to see John again. So it really doesn't matter. She seems to hestate to leave. I told her that there are resturants, and couple fast food nearby. Or I can take shuttle to hosptial for cafeteria. I will be fine. So, she left.

You know what else?? I couldn't ask for better timing. I arrive just right on time before Amy died. I had a chance to say good bye. And I don't have to put up seeing John for another day alone while my friend had gone back home. It is truly blessing. What's even more, I'm glad that my friend had left because I realize I haven't being alone for long time. Even my parent gone for dating but that was short. It has been long to be alone for long hours. In fact I enjoy being by myself.

Next day, I flew from Minn to St. Loius Missiouri. My next flight was suppose to be 6 30pm; however it postpone 8:30pm then 9:10pm then 9:50pm. There was announcement. I had to asked. I found out that there was mechinical problem and that we may have to fly other city then to Dallas. I decided to get something to eat. Since I don't feel comfortable about eating resturant. I prefer fast food to go. I do not want to miss my flight if things had changed and I didn't know espeically, I can't understand over the speaker. I spotted a map on the board. I was disapointed is that all are resturant and if you want fast food, it has to be outside of security.

Sudeenly, I hear something like someone talk behind my back. Thanks to the big store where I work, that is not unusual when they think I'm hearing and they tend to talk behind my back. I trained myself to catch it otherwise, they think I ingore them. I turned my head, "mmmm?" this guy said again, " can I help you finding something?" that guy who sems to work there. He had vest on and he's pushing empty wheelchair like he is ready to get for someone elderly getting off the plane that needs wheelchair.

My respond, "I'm just look for something close-by for fast-food, not resturant." He asked me if I like Burger King. My answered, "yeah!" then he told be to go down ... Blah blah blah. I said, "thank you!" with smile on my face. He smiled, " you're welcome." So I assumed maybe it isn't that far. The long I walk the farther it seems to be. Then I spotted a resturant next to it that said to take out only. So I went there. There is nothing spark my interest. However there is wrap sandwich. So I went ahead and got it and buy it. The lady said something which I do not understood her. Then she gave a guesture with a fingres that show cross then put her hands on chest as for hug. Jesus loves you. I was like... Geez. Instead, I said, "yeah, I know." Then she smiled and said "happy Easter." I said, " you too" for a moment I did almost forgotten there is Easter this coming Sunday. I am so use to have Easter in April.

The plane delay again 11pm then 11:15pm. There was announcement. This time there is one way flight. People clapping their hands. Plus they switch plane since it is still mechinical problem. Finally, the plane arrived. And we left 11:25pm. I couldn't go to sleep because people in front row were busying flashing lights with their camera and cell phone's camera. It is really annoying they kept doing it. Part of me hoping they would stop soon but they kept going until arrive Dallas. The plane arrived 1:20am. I was hungry, tried, and really cranky.

When I looked around, there is lights off with only small light down the hallway. It look closed. The airport does close by midnight. Part of me am glad that my parent were there cuz there is no transportation.

On the way, we stop at Jack in the Box then came home. Reese was really exciting when I came home.

Right now, I felt peace. Plus it does feels alittle funny for eveytime I look at my pager, I was kinda hoping to hear from Amy. It will take a while. Same thing when I feel funny when my grandma died and she no longer send birthday cards and christmas cards. I'm use to that. So it will take a while to accept and wouldn't receive any more msg from Amy and my grandma.

R.I.P Amy~ March 19, 2008. ~ You will be missed but not forgot.

Well, I think I better stop.
Happy Easter!

Springtime

Humid turn to rain then sky is clearing up with cool breeze and warm from the sun. Well, I wouldn't be surprise if the tempture dropped down so suddenly with snow again. It sure bounce back and forth. Either it's mother's nature or global warming.

At work is crazy. Yep, half the workers don't do their work while others do their work. Some days are slow and some days are busy. Some custmers are nice and some are not. Truth is I don't care. I just minding my own buisness. I'm there to work when there no other jobs.

I couldn't wait to go back to school and finished up. Well, I'm still working on to visit couple more colleges. I did went one same college twice. Its really nice. I can picture myself staying there but the major isn't what I picture. What am I looking for is something working experinces or hand-on experiences or 21 hours of working during week when you have classes. That college doesn't provide one. Point is that one of professor told me is that I have a lot of knowlege in biology field. Only problem is that I don't have a lot of experiences. That's why I'm searching for it.

Meanwhile, I was watching A&E, Helen Keller. I was truly amazing. After Helen learned the word "water" has a meaning, she went to school. Unlike all the blind children, she learn far more and pick up real quick. Now her words are best friend to her. She even fund-raising for the blinds. First time was 2,000 dollars after few years, she raised hundred and thousand dollars. What truly amazing me is that Helen wants to learn to speak. Not bad at all. I just heard her speaking. She's good. She also helped many more deafs and blinds. It is truly amazing. What I like about Helen is her poems and quotes.

It shows Gallaudet College, too. I know, I always find deaf history truly preasure. I guess school doesn't really teach about deaf history. They only focus black history and in general such as All about U.S.A. Yeah, I mean no dispeact to balck history nor to USA but I'm tired of hearing them. I want to learn more about deaf history.

Snow II

Yep, last time was snowing that melted into the ground. Until today, there's heavy snow. The snow flakes are so thick and rounded almost size between dimes and quarters. I was thill when I saw white blanket on the ground, bushes, and trees. I quickly dressed warmly and grabbed my camera. First thought of my mind is winter wonderland.

I came out and I wouldn't let Reese out. I want to take a pictures where's untouched. I took a lot of pictures.

Finally, I let Reese out. Reese was uncertain about the snow. She had been introduce to snow last year but seem like she didn't remember. Snow doesn't last long here. She was being catious. I told Reese, "its a snow" I feel like I'm teaching toddler. I said again, "what is it?" she looked at me, "its a snow." She start snuffing and smelling around then she finally had courage to walk on the snow. I smiled and took couple pictures.

My mom is also got dressed warm as dad had came home from work then we all went out to take more pictures. We taking each other pictures. After, we are done. I took couple more pictures of Reese. Espeically when she bend down half way, that's postion means ready to play? I got a perfect shot.

Meanwhile, my boss contacted me and asked me to come to work. I told her I cannot drive in the snow. Which it is true. She said if the road is clear then please come. Ha, it still snowing outside. I don't think I would come anyway, I might not come weather road is clear or not. It is too dangerous. I rather live than have car accident. Maybe road is fine but I rather be safe than sorry. That's me. I bet a lot of people doesn't show up for work, today. It is snowing outside. It is safer to be in house. Maybe living in North is different since a lot of people experinces driving in snow plus snowpiling machine to get rid of snows off the street. There isn't snowpiling here. Last year, there was more car accident during snowing. I won't be surprised it wld be same this year. Even weatherman warned people and they didn't listen.

Anyway, my parents got in first and few minutes later, I came in. We were helping each other cooking dinner. After a while, they didn't need my help, I went upstairs to watch some tv. When dinner is ready, we goggle up that meat loaf, cooked cabbage, corn bread, mashed potato, cumcumbers, tomatos, and onions. Oh, there's black eye-peas added some green beans in it. Yummy!

Finally, we watched LOST. I had pretty good, today. I'm sure my parent is enjoying, too. It was really nice.

Snowing

Yep, it is already snowing here. I notice for past 2 years and now this is 3rd year, mostly it snow during Feb and March until after Easter things will be warmer and hot.

Last night, there was thunderstorm. I knew Reese hates to be alone. I was in my bed and Reese is in other room with door closed. I saw light flashes thru my window. So I got up and open the door. Reese was kinda surprised that I open the door. Then she walked in with her tail wagging. I mean when she's exiciting her tail would go in circle. If she's happy, her tail would wag back and forth. If she's light happy, her tail would softly wagging.
Her tail is going in circle as she walked in my bedroom and lay on the floor and still wagging. I smiled and closed the door. I gave her my loving as I pet her. She licked my face. I knew that she was very much appreicated. She really hates thunderstorm. She's ok as long as she is with somebody. Reese was asleep next to bed as I am in my bed. She's hate to be alone during thunderstorm.

Reese is such a big baby and she's still a baby to me. I loved her and still do.

Finally!!!

After all those years, I kept saying I don't know what I really wants. After I did hand-on experinces, I knew this isn't what I want. I kept going with no aim and goal.

Now I need to research. I'm not sure how and what to start but I need to find a way. I hope this is possible. As they say, anything is possible once you set your mind to it.

thinking out loud

You know what? Every time I test myself with personality careers weather it is from internet or from school. Almost exact same result are 3 things teacher, phyosology(sp), and enturpretur(sp).

Even though I use to thought about teacher but I changed my mind. I do not want to deal with kids.

I did thought about counsler but I also changed my mind. I do not want to hear every stranger's emotional problems. It can take a toll out of me.

However, to set up a buisness didn't across my mind until now. I wonder shall I set up one? What kind of buisness? Naturally, first thought would be anything with sciences, right?

One friend of mine thought about set up as farmer and focus anything that is natural and organic. Plus my friend did grow up as a farmer. Other friend wants to be chef and thought about setting herself a resturant buisness. Once I read news, there was deaf/blind becaming a chef and owned a buisness of resturant. One I know from public speaker, he became dentist, he did set up a buisness for himself, too. All are deaf.

Any ideas about setting up one?

I thought abt one thing. I know there are parks and shows all different kind of plants. I can't help but wonder shall I have large dorm of glass, almost like greenhouse and have all different kinds of exotic plants from all over the world? Maybe including couple of waterfalls and small brooks along the way with some water creatures? Maybe have a speical place where people can have speical occasions like weddings and receptions and etc?

Do you think people would enjoy something like that and it is all year around including winters and inside the drom would be warm.

Does that means I need to major in botony? Mmmmmm...

no title this time...

I leatn something that I didn't know about. Actually, mom did told me couple times but either I don't remember or I wasn't ready to listen.

Mom told me that one of professor did called my mom and told her that I do know so much of biology, only problem is that I do not know how to apply in real life.

Mom's interprete that I needs more hands on experinces.

I already knew that. That's why I'm working on trying to find a way to get hand-on-experiences. Only way to get internship is to go back to college again.

nothing new

Yep, everything is pretty much same o' and same o'. I'm still working. My parents and our pets are doing fine.

Yes, Tom-Tom is doing a lot better! However, I still get him outside during daytime. Sometimes, mom managed to get him outside.

Reese and Oreo are sweet as ever and sometimes they play with each other or one the other would competation for attention from me or my mom.

Weather has mood swings, lately. Some days are very chilly and some days are warm. Other times are humids with cloudys and possible rain. Sometimes it did rain and other times it didn't.

When weather is much nicer, I would take Reese for walk in the park. She loves it everytime, we do that. She always so anxious like a little kid who is ready to go to DisneyLand.

Meantime, I did visit another university. It seems very nice; however, I would like to visit couple more. I hope to have a chance to do that this coming March.

Well, that's all for now. I really don't have much news until next time.

Dinosaurs: Return to Life?

As I was watching on discovery channel. It is too much alike "Jussric Park". Only different, it is not frog but chicken. Since it is possible that those dinosaurs are closely relate to birds. So amazing to watch and can't help but wonder. When they talk about genetic and etc. It is really so.... Barizzare(sp).

I bet there will be re-runs. If you ever see title on the subject, feel free to check it out. Or not. Smile.

Tom-Tom, the old cat

I almost forgotten to mention about him. Next day, after I posted, mom told me that he is feeling better. Mom said that she had to fight him to go outside to prevent him stratching the furnatures, espeically couple of antique chairs. TT would stratch woods, trees, and rugs outside which my mom don't mind just not in the house.

Since the cat fight TT, he would not go outside, day and night. Now I have to pick him up to put him outside during daytime. Since most cats would roam during at night than daytime. So that would help prevent from having cats fight. Plus, we know that TT would come back in time for his dinner. Once he's back inside, he would not go outside.

Before he had cat fight, he would constantly beg to go outside at night. Even we refuse to let him because of cocoyte but when Reese want to go outside, TT would find a way to get it by. He can be quick sometimes. I couldn't catch him. He is more fast than Oreo. Even though, he's old cat, he mangaed to be quick.

Now, he wouldn't go outside at night even during daytime. So, that's why I put him out during daytime.

Finally

After so many months, the eletric bills are always so high. My parents complain and blame on me for using too much eletric.

I remind myself from now on, I will have my lights off all the times. However, it doesn't work. The eletric bills are still high.

So I made a habit of constantly turn off lights at my parents bedroom and bathroom by knowing that my parents were in living room watching tv or cooking. After a while I started turning all the nights when no one is around. I've been doing that for couple months. Even my mom complain about me turning off, yet I turn it off anyway. Other times, mom asked, "did you turn off?" I replied, "yeah, I did." Mom said, "thank you, I had forgotten."

The eletric bill arrived and the price is really low than ever was before. Hahaha! Mom is the one who tend to forget. It wasn't me that left the light on. However, I didn't say anything. My parents did thanked me for turning off the lights constantly. Smile!

Anyway, our old TT cat had a fight because you can see a lot of cuts and stratches. Now, he refuse to come out of the cloest for couple of days. Mom have to coax him out. She told me that he is sore. He had hard time to get on the sofa but he managed. He spend few more days on it. However, he does not ate much. Mom is concern that he may have infection. If he is not better in couple more days, we may have to take him to vet and postpone Oreo's Nutural(sp).

Wait and see...

No Title

Few bad things had appeared last month and this month. I rather not to mention this time. Maybe in the future but maybe not...

Speaking of prez, I'm consider voting Halliary and not because she is a WOMAN... Geez bunches of people's comments said I'm voting her because she's a woman. I find that's really low. I mean I am woman myself. I rather people pick me because I'm pontional(sp) not I'm woman.

It is like I'm voting for Obama because he is young. Or he is black... Blah, blah, blah

I believe in leadership and I believe in voting for best leadership not just because she is a woman.

I have my own other reasons, too...

Anyway, one thing is that I still disagree abt bring troops home.

Well...... Live and Learn.

Meanwhile, there are nothing new so far. Everything else is same old thing. The weather had been up and down. Reese enjoys her walk.

I'm trying to see if I can go back to my passion. I have enjoy drawing. I have always wanna to learn how to draw horses since I really want to do the winged unicorn. I went to library and borrowed few "how to draw animals" and horses was in it too. I did try to draw few times but it wasn't great but I do know that it takes pratices and a lot of pratices to improve. It is good thing I borrow from library because of possibility of my apathy and procansting would waste my money on books for nothing. I didn't really pratice that much even I have penty of time to do it. However I'm going to try stay on it as art is just for hobby not job.

Just wait and see.

My family and pets are doing ok. Oh, we are going to try to have Oreo nutrured(to remove certain thing to prevent to search for mate) for this Friday. Oreo is getting restless and growing long. Once been nutured, he should be able be more calm than before. He's still sweet and lovable.

Well, that's all for now.

Bad Day

Well, how's things going? Pretty obvious...
We went down to the South to visit one of the Universities that I had reserved. Turn out we went to wrong side of the city and we do not have time to make the tour. I was disappointed big time. I was looking forward to it.

So we turn around and come back home after been 4 hrs drive. Talk abt waste of gas... On the way, we ate most lousy Burger King that has no flavor. It taste plain. Dad was alittle cranky mood. I decided to sleep but in dozing kind of way on and off until we got home. Dad and I went back to bed to take a nap since we got up abt 5:30am.

It wasn't great trip. However my evening wasn't so bad. My parents gone to dinner and movie while I watch my favorite Stargate: Atlantis at home and couple other shows alone is what I like. Later, my parent brought me dinner. I ate and went to bed.

I can make another reservation for one of universities in another time. No big deal.

Morning Star

Ever seen Morning Star? It is usally mean it is only one star is still brightest while all other stars faded out. I've seen it several times. Funny, dad go out smoking in morning and never notice. Mom did notice for first time for her. Mom said, "ooh there's morning star!" My respond, "I know, I have seen it few times before." Dad never knew until mom told him. I thought he knew since he's the one who always outside smoking before he goes to work.

It is truly nice to see it. Kinda almost speical. I guess I never knew morning star does exist until now. I always thought just a storybook had been written with imagaination and not exist in real life. Beside, nobody didn't mention about it as far as I know.

Anyway, I'm on my way to South for visitation university. I finally contact one of the biology advisor while I'm there. I'm considering my major something relate to Lab Tech. I did asked if they offer something similar, sadly, the answer is no. So, if the do not have that then which university has that? Anyway, I decided to visit there just to check out, who knows maybe something there might spark my interest for different major beside Lab Tech. Seem like there are a lot of options so I'm going to check that out.

That's why I'm up early since I already mad resversation for afternoon tour.

Again, I'm still consdiering to join sorority. Mom thinks I'm too old for it. Unless, I lied abt my age?? Mmmm who knows, wait and see.

vote

Wow! Highly competitions this year for we need a good strong leadership for USA. I'm somewhat uncertains in so many different things.

Would I get shot if I speak as in freedom of speech? Maybe, maybe not... But I'm speaking what's in my head. Maybe I'm right... Maybe I'm wrong....

Espeically after I watch on History Channel, Nostromous(long name), he's a prophet. He did predient the future. He uses anaycom(hidden msg) like Hister is word for Hitler. He did mention Hitler is a smooth talker in Germany and blah blah. Which Hitler did only gave speech to draw people into do what he wants.

The prophet did mention New City blah blah 45 degree blah blah. Possible for New York City since he use anaycom and he left out one word. Plus the plane did crashed in 45 degree angle. Plus there is pictures. They look like 2 planes and look like New York city building. So he knows what it look alike. Even he lives in 1500's century. Amazing!

He also precident the Pentgon will be bombed.

Something tells me people wants to forget 9-11. So that man is still on the lose. Since his goal was distoryed Pentgon, but only sucess one section and not the whole building. He's going to send somebody else to do it, again.

Maybe the prophet isn't true but why do I get the feelings that could happen. Sound like that man really wants wars, fights, voliences, and deaths. Sound like he really asking for it weather or not Bush provoking it. Weather or not the past tense of presidents provoking to cause it. Like I said, sound like this man is begging to continue to fight. If he doesn't get what he want, he might go and send more men to bomb pentogan(sp) to able to success that he didn't last time.

Like I said, I dunno.... I just hope that I made the right choice and I hope people make the right decision on whoever they vote.

Good Luck, we do need this for America.

Never Mind...

Oreo doesn't want to be loving. He wants to be bath himself on my lap.

So far,

I didn't hear anything from my new boss. I'm not going to worry about it. Right now, I'm starting making appoitments with universities. I already had one this Friday. Other one had to be 2 weeks advantance. I went ahead made reseveration. I dunno weather or not I could make another tour.

In meantime, I have to fill out pell grant. I really don't like going to library for that because filling out take so long and I need breaks in btwn. Of course, you can click on hold and save it for next day. However I have to do the cleaning backgoround, chache, cookies and etc. It takes too much time for it. I really do not like to do paperwork. I'm sure it same for anybody. Oh well...

Life goes on, huh?

Lets talk abt our (my parents and I) pets. According to my mom, when she got up before I do, Oreo(b/w kitty) tend to call me in the hallway. Oreo wants to see me. Everytime Oreo runs down the hall, Reese would catch him to prevent from him to come in my bedroom. However, Oreo managed to be sneaky sometimes. He would already be on my bed. Once Reese found out, she whined. Haha, soo cute.

Other times Oreo would lay on the relcincer chair where I had my feet to lay a rest on. Reese didn't like that. She would get him off from it. Later, Oreo sneak up and lay on that place next to my feet. Reese looked up and notice that Oreo up there, she would whined. Reese wants to be center of attention. They are so much like brother and sister competeing each other for my attention as well as possible for my favorism. Truth is, I love them equally. Just that Reese is big dog, she doesn't fit in my lap as Oreo, the kitty. He's small and sorta baby in the family. You just couldn't resist giving a lot of attention to Oreo. Everytime I see him, I just scoop him him and pet him while he lays on my arm and one front leg sticking out. He seems to like that a lot. He's such a sweet kitty. Oh, he's so sweet that he doesn't mind being on the leash. Yes, a leash like having leash on the dog. Reason why is that, we haven't neuturled(sp) to remove. He would gone so far to find mate chances are he would not come back until he's satified or he's lost. So Oreo kept begging to be outside. That's why mom put him on the leash. We r hoping to get the despoit(sp) money back from AZ to use that for vet bill. So far, that stupid lady kept postponing it. I'm planning to write down how awful it was there in temporary apartment on website later on. Whenever I get a chance to...

So, we r still short on money. We might not able to for quite a while. We r hoping soon but don't know how soon.

By the way, Oreo just jumped on my lap. Like I said, I couldn't resist. So I'm giving him my loving. Good nite!

work & TV

Past this week, the work is going good so far. I hope things will be ok afterward. Sigh. My sore isn't so bad once I get the hang of this. However, once every section is clean, there will be no more cleaning. I don't know if I'm going back to work in the evening or not. I guess I will find out soon or later.

In meantime, my parent decided to get statlite dish since it said have more channels and a lot cheaper than cable. It is rip-off. Only thing has more channel worth 20 channels of NFL, 20 channels of NBA, and 20 more channels for Sports. I'm guessing but I do know it is worth over 80 channels are just sports. Maybe there are guys out there who are sport freaks would love to have that dish. There is no A&E, Hallmark, Lifetime, Animal Planet and few more channels that my parent and I enjoy watching those together as a family. If we want those, we have to pay extra. Sadly, we can't cut it off because it is under 18 months contract. So, we are stuck with 18 months for that limited channels compare to cable.

There's postive side just for ME... Yeah, I know... There's Science Fiction channel!!!!!!!!!!! Whoo-hoo.. Now I have to catch up of what I missed on Stargate: Atlantis for Fall Season. I hope to get to see re-runs this summer.

There's more just for me... TLC(the learning channel), Discovery Channel, History Channel(depend what's attract my attention, not intesting in wars), and coule other things. I already start watch those every evening. Untold Stories of ER, Mystery Digonis(sp), Dr. G, just to name of few. Anything with medical, I'm watching it. Also, I watch History Channel "Life after People" that's about what is it like when people are gone. There is one city in Union Soviot had atomic bomb and spread radioactive so high that people had to leave quickly. After 20 years, it showed what it is like. The plants covering up the buildings. There's some kind of amusement park. You can see the metals are rusty with some holes. It looks so much like ghost town. The animals did use the houses. There was a deer on the bed. Haha. Owl was resting on window still and etc.

So the just gave examples here in USA, there will be powers go off. The first week, it showed how would pets managed to live without humans. I felt bad for animals may stuck in the house and impossible to get out. It shows when dog managed to escape, the live thru trash cans and visist every houses and etc. What made me interesting and sad part, small dogs who have short legs, may live up to one week then die because these small dogs are made by human to make them smaller so the can't live in surviual world. I can't help but wonder what abot my Reese? As well as other 2 cats?

Also, it showed that only one Hoover Dam can run without humans on it's own while any other Dam will automatic turn off if there is no humans around in one day. That Hoover Dam can run for possible a century or 2 then it will cut off because there is a pipes down below under water. There are some kind of mussels can build up there slowly, that's when it blocked the cooling system. Once Hoover Dam been cut off, then the Las Vagas' electric power goes off. Imagine that... The Las Vagas can run on eletric over a century or 2 without humans around. Haha. Well, there is a lot of informations. It is truly fascanting.

I just love anything with facts as well as fictions.

Oh by the way, since I have been home in the eveings for a month while I'm at work... I truly enjoy my mom's cooking lately. I missed that so much plus able to eat out couple times. It is soo nice to be home in the evenings. Aaahhh Again, I truly enjoy that. Wishing that last forever... It is a "dream job".

can u say "no"?

I admit sometimes it is diffcult for me to say no. Only thing I can say no is to sex and drugs or anything that's dangergous.

I remember last time I went out with a guy. He wanted to make another date. I actually said no. Howver, his begging make it worst. So I gave in and said yes. I managed to convinced him to accept to mee me on Friday when he wants to see me next day, then next day. Everyday is too much for me. In fact, I got tired of him. My instrest in him grow into zero then below zero.

So he accepted Friday, that gave me few days woth of break from him. I took myself reconsideration. Finally, I emailed him Thursday evening that I do not want to meet him on Friday and from now on. I notice it is a lot easier for me to say no thru email even he begged me thru emails but I was able to say no again and blocked him out.

When my boss asked me to work the next morning, I did respond, I don't think I can. My boss is actually gave me a look. So I gave in and work next day. My legs were so sore that I almost collespe several times. My muscles in my legs were abt to give up on me and could not hold me up any longer.

Next day, I wasn't working then my boss text msg me and asked me to work the next day. It was too soon for my sore legs. I even nearly collespe couple times on my first day off. Like I said, it is so much easier to say no thru emails, text msg, and relay(can't hear tone of voice even relay explain the tone of voice but I can ingore).

In so many ways, I thank God, that I'm deaf. It is one nicest advantage.

My sore legs are getting better. Although the sore and pain are still there. At least, it is not extremely. Thanks to Bengay/icyhot plus tenyhol helped out. Oh, I did had one nice not bath with epsodium(sp) salt. I'm thinking abt do again tmw.

pain in the a$$

In advanatage, Pardon my FRENCH...

Anyway...

One of my co-worker did know what happened last week with me in costmatic(sp).

Today same co-worker, when I mention about the boss complain that it is still dusting. Co-woker did cleaning. Of course Co-w( for short) did missed few spots which is pretty commons that we actually do on purpose. The new boss did checked. I knew that new boss would do that so I made sure I did spotless for the sake of the new boss. Once my co-w finds out abt new boss isn't happy and told to do again.

Now the co-w understood how I feel. Co-w did looked around to be sure nobody is watching and gave full gesture in body language using the hands and so the shovel type up in the air. What she meant was shovel in the ass or pain in the ass.

Oohh that cracked me up big time. I managed to keep it low. When I came home, I did told my parents abt it. My parent and I laughed. Mom said sound like ya have a "little buddy" to talk about behind boss' back. I said, "yep."

Nice to know I'm not alone in this situation. I know it is not nice to talk someone behind somebody else back but sometimes we all need to vent once in a while to help us to keep going.

ow, owie

Oh my goodness, legs, arms, shoulders are very sore by cleaning. I mean, not when walking and foot sore. Since I bend my legs a lot. It is my thighs the upper part of my legs are sore. It made worst when I walk downstairs than I'm walking upstairs.
My shoulders and somewhat my back where's my shoulder hurt, too. I did work a bit harder and faster today. It seems paid off. Since my boss satified today. OY!

Now I'm asking to come in much earlier. It is before the store open. Well, at least one hour without costumers interpruted what am I doing even though, it is imporatant to put the costumers first. I have been interpruted few times. Maybe this wld help to have one hour early without intruprted.

I just took tenyhol and soon for antibodic. I'm going to rest about an hour then take a long hot shower then to bed.

Hope I do better tmw... Wish me luck...

Oh, I did break a sweat. Geez...

cinderella again

Yep! This time, it is not cosmtic(sp). My new boss wanna me to do dusting from racks and walls and mirrors. Of course every concer and every inches and every tiny bars. She wanna me to be done by halfway today. Ugh!

Last night, I overheard the conversation when mom asked my dad if that is wise thing for me to continue to go back working. I missed what my dad said.

Later I did contact to my second mom, I asked her opinion. She said that not uncommon by not getting along with your supervisor. She said just keep on going and keep on trying. She enouage me to have postive attitude no matter what. It doesn't matter if I can't make the boss happy. I just show up for work and do the best as I can and (again) have postive attutide.

She said it is best to get fired to know that you did your best as you can and not just because I didn't show up for work or to quit working. Truth is, I can't quit working cuz I have already searching and searching for other job. There is no luck for me.

So I guess I just put it up with it and give my best as I can even though it may never be enough. I will give the best as I got, anyway. As Mother Teresa said. It is between God and I. It will never between me and others.

Beautiful Day!!

It is truly nice day, today. It is cool outside but the wind stay still while the sun warms you. It is truly beautiful. Perfect day to walk Reese and bath her. She's already stink.

I'm so glad that my new boss cancel Monday morning just becuase I didn't do good job cleaning. Well, it is a good thing. I got to enjoy my day today and tmw would be nice as much as it is today. I'm so lucky! On Wed night that's when cold front comes in. Possible snowing/slight/freezing rain, so it is good thing I bath my dog before it is too late. I can't wait to walk again tmw with my Reese. I know she'll loves the idea of going to park. So I'm planning to grab the oppuruinty(sp) to do that tomorrow before the weather get too chilly.

I wonder shall I contact my new boss about up-coming schedule? Or shall I wait for couple of days? Mmmmm, I really don't like driving in snow/sleet/ freezing rain espeically I knew it would be too dangerous. I'm going to wait for few days to see how is it going before I contact my new boss.

almost forgetten

When I got home, I was upsetting that it wasn't good enough and fast enough. Mom held me. Sometimes, it nice to have someone to hold me weather it is from boyfriend or someone you're close with. While I was sitting next to my mom and Reese sitting next to me. Reese was licking my face and brought the ball with her. Few minutes, she lay down as her head on my leg. Oreo jumped up and his tail on my other leg while his head on my mom's leg. Oreo looked up and looked at us several times. That really help me calm down. They're sooo sweet.

Finally, I decided to go out to eat. I ask mom, "why don't we eat out for lunch?" I haven't ate. I was starving. So we did. We even went to couple stores, afterward.
That's when it happens. Suddenly popped in my mind. I did almost forgotten. I went back and read the poem that made me feel ssooo much better. I already posted this before but I'm going to post it again to remind me.

"Do It Anyway"
By Mother Theresa

People are often unreasonable,
illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind,
People may accuse you
of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be Kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some false friends and
some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

People may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,
they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,
people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis.
it is between you and God;
It is never between you and them anyway.

I'm not good enough...

She said I'm too slow. I don't clean. I told her I did my best as I could. Her respond that's not good enough. I told her I scrub hard with bleach and brush. I dusting constantly. I tried to be fast as I could but it take a while to get it clean it off so that's why proceed is slow. Her resepond over and over, "that's not good enough" she send me home because I'm wasting time and she is going to find somebody else does better cleaning.

This is really upsetting me big time!

OCD?!?

That's short for Obcessive Complusive Disorder (sp?).

Is there such thing a book called, "how to deal with OCD bosses?" Beacuse there is fine line between clean freak and OCD.

First day, working with Q-tips to get in between, not satified. She wants sparkling clean. 2nd day, work with bleach and brush to get in between. She not satified. She complained, I want this sparkling clean.

Today is the 3rd day. She got steam cleaner. Unforuantly, when been plugged it in, it blowed a fused. Meanwhile, she wants me to dusting again on the same alse(sp). I haven't move to the new place for 3 whole days.

Like I said, there's a fine line between clean freak and OCD. My 15 minutes break is over.

cinderella... cinderella...

Geez, I'm on my lunch break. I found out my boss' new boss is not being reasonable. I even try to talk to her that isn't quite possible. She's already set her mind that I should be finished halfway by end of the day.

She wasn't satified the way I clean yesterday. She even test herself with Q-tips. She realize that isn't working so she got brush and bleach. I scrub real good; yet, she isn't satified. So I knew it would be impossible to try finished halfway. Since I'm spending a lot time of scrub. I feel like a cinderella. Only differneces between her and me is I'm getting paid.

My mom always said, just do my best as you can and go on.

Gotta go...

no title # whatever

I'm in no mood to find out what's #.

I did applied a several jobs before and after Xmas since I only work 2 days. I needed money so badly. I didn't get any. Even no experience require, I still didn't get it. I was sooo disappointed that I couldn't get any. I only had interview once. That was it. *sigh*

I admit my depression is starting to creep up in me. I try to remind myself is to hang in there plus sing a song in my head... No I'm not singing out loud. "Anyway" that helps me alittle.

Meanwhile, my left ear had been infection twice. It was extremely painful. Oddly thing is my left ear is still painful but not extremely. It still ongoing. I find it annoying. I took regular tenyol. It is helpful. So I thought I had another ear infection. I went back to see doctor, again. My doctor said that there is no infection; however, there's a slight ear infection on the other ear. I find it weird. Doctor is also recommend me to go see aduiologist(sp) if my left ear is still in pain. So I got another antobodic for 3rd time.

Talk about soo tired. I could sleep in all day and night. Possible infection but maybe not. I dunno...

Meanwhile I got in touch with the person who responsable(sp) schedule. I found out that person didn't know I'm coming back for good. It is not tempoary. So, that clear up the misunderstood. Lucky, I'm able to back to work. Again, I ask for morning shift. I still haven't give up, yet.

That person told me I can do the costmatic(sp? Make-up and speical facial clean area). I said that would be fine. Boy! Was I wrong? I have to clean off the dust and I have to use Q-tips to get in the curnor(sp) where's the tight spot. First thing comes in my mind where you see commerical of maid clean your shower that you have to clean in tiny and tight spot. Geez talk about clean freak. At least, I'm working morning shift, now. Be careful of what you wish for. My real question is, how long would it last? Will I stay mornings from now on or not? Part of me hope so. So, wait and see.

Right now, I'm sitting and waiting for my medication in Pharmacy store. I was told if I sit there and wait for medication, they will do it faster. It has about one hour left before it closed.

Yep, after 30 minutes of waiting and I got my medication.

Anyway, I can't wait until I go home and go to bed. I'm ready to knock out. Good night.

wowieee

Oh boy! Christmas and New Year had come and gone. I have been busy here and there lately. It is truly amazing. What's my new year resoultion?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you already know as America's choice is usually losing weight. Of course, it is same with mine. Since I did quit cold turkey of soda and had been nearly 2 years (or was it 3 years?) I lost count but point is, I rarely drink it. I manage to drink Crystallight, tea (different flavors), water, juices(not much) and once in a while V8.

However, when I cut down on my soda; I eat more than normally. Plus, I have been in AZ so I've eating out more. I had gained back to my orginally(sp) weight. Life goes on.

Few things I have left is make more money to contiue to pay my bills, working my way to go to college and visiting college. That's only things I have for now. I don't think there will be anymore.

All in all, my family and our pets are ok.

Final thing I wld like to say is my grandma. My father's mother had altizmer(sp). We are hoping to see her before her mind's gone. It is getting worst. That's last time I heard. So I'm hoping to get to see her since she's a last grandparent that I have. I want to grab my chance to see her and so is my dad. Mom been encouraging dad to go and I'm kinda waiting on it. I could go myself but I don't have money for it.

I hope to see her soon by end of this month or beginning of Feburary.