E coli

There's e-coli in spanich (for those who don't know watch "Popeye" the cartoon.) Now, that doesn't make sense. We always have veggies and fruits that doesn't exist for e-coli. Only thing that e-coli that lives is not cleaning from the bleach in the kitchen. Or the meat isn't completely done. I remember I was taught that e-coli is from the raw meat. There is never e- coli inside the veggies and fruits. The news said there is possible from the cow manure. I was like "huh?" Geez, people are so stupid. There is no such thing for that. I mean, come on if there is e coli from the manure pass on to veggies then we would NEVER be able to eat it. DUH!

However, there are a lot of e-coli from the spanich and that people get killed from it. Now, I have a question, "how is that possible?" I remember one of my professor said that if a man who eats a hamburger and didn't get the e-coli while a woman who eats salad who got e-coli. That's because a person didn't wash hands after handling the meat so that can pass on to the salad. So blame on cow manure for passing to spanich of e-coli.... Geez! That's ......#$%$%^&

Hahahaha! I couldn't believe that's what the tv news said that. That's most absurd I ever heard in my whole life! Something tells me that some people are not so smart nowadays as they think that they are.

Okay, change the subject here...

Today, I was at working area of Infants and Shoes dept. I spotted a little girl running around. At first, I thought she's alone. Turn out that she wasn't, I saw her father was with her. They were playing some kind of games like hide and seek, while a mother do the shopping.

Oh my goodness, it brings back my memory. I remember everytime when my parents going to store. My mom is going to shop while my dad is with me. He follows me everywhere I go. Which is usually the petstore and toys store. Those were my favorite places to go everytime I go to shop with my parents. Sometimes, my dad and I play games, too. That was bittersweet memory.

Off to the wizard of OZ...

Yeah, I'm changing the subject again.

Last night, I had a strange dream about my backpack and I. I keep on losing my stuff inside the backpack. Whatever it is seem very important that I didn't want to lose it. It's like my backpack unzipped itself on purpose. I have to keep zip it up. According to dream dictionary: To see or carry a backpack in your dream, represents the decisions and responsibilities that are weighing your down.

So, what kind of decisions and responsiblities? And why did it keep leaking out of my backpack? Well, there are decisions have been weighting me down, alright. I'm having trouble sleeping lately, too. According to my mom, she saw my dark circles in my eyes that tells me that I have the lack of sleeps. Now, my mom knows that. She doesn't know what's on my mind. Well, I am having trouble to decide about my major lately. I don't know what do I want, anymore. I use to know what I want but I still don't. I'm trying to make up my mind. The sooner the better it is. I mean I gotta to live my own life without living with my parents all the time. I need to own a car and house/apartment/condo/or cabin. I needed a job that I can have security and having retirement plans. The early you can get the early retirement that you can have. If you are an old age, sometimes things would not be easy and I notice a lot of elderly people works at the local stores when they should have retire and travel to explore. That's what I want before it's too late. Problem is that I don't know what do I want!! What do I want, I kept asking myself.

I did took some personality test and etc, those were my past-tense dreams. I have no presents dream of desire of what do I really want. Well, did I already asked myself that few times by now? I've already asked myself more than few times for last few weeks. I guess that's why I've been dreaming of carry backpack and trying to let go. and yet, I'm still holding on to it. *sigh*

I hope one day I'll make up my mind. Like I said, sooner the better!

Off to see the wizard of OZ...
Follow yellow brick road...

Well, My family and I are doing good. Our pets are doing fine. They are being their usual self. I can't wait for 3 days off next week. Well, it's Tues, Wed, and Sat. So that means 3 days off that week. Right?

Well, I better go because seem like Reese needs to go outside.

What type of writer should I be?

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from. And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi. Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics... Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Well, I am really sucks of writing off-world mission for sci-fi. LOL. Maybe it takes pratice?

Your Dosha is Kapha

Calm and grounded, you are not prone to mood swings or anger. However, once you do get angry, it takes a lot to cool you down. You tend to think a little slower than most people, but your logic is astounding. Overall, you very loyal and trustworthy. You're not scared of being who you really are. With friends: You enjoy their company, but often listen more than talk In love: You crave connection and affection. It's hard for you to be single. To achieve more balance: Exercise vigorously (especially in the sun) and let go of attachments.

What's Your Dosha?

Yeah, I do notice that I tend to be a little slow thinker but I can be quite smart in my own way, too. Yep, I agree that I'm not scared of being who I am. I do agree that I have crave connection and affection, that's why I found my spiritual path. Once I did, my craving isn't there anymore. Hard to be single?? Well, I only have 2 short-term boyfriends and still single for few years...or more. (I'm not counting.) How hard is that? I admit it would be nice to have a boyfriend. I admit that I'm longing to have someone there to cuddle with me. LOL

You Are Apple Green

You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you. And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive. You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way. Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.

What Color Green Are You?

MMmmm, I sure hope so. ;-)

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

Well, that does sound so much like me. ;-)

Notice the defense and crime is conservative? LOL... ya know I kinda agree with that too. For those who commited crimes and I do believe that punishment fits the crime. If someone did kill somebody then that person should be on death penlty because that person took someone's else life without the permission to do so such as serial killers. I do think that the jail should not have tv's, weightlifting and etc. I forgot the name of the island that was nearby California. They stop using that because how inhumane it is. Isn't that what suppose to be for those people who doesn't have a heart and for those who are cold-blooded? That's how they should be treated. Treat other people the way you wanted to be treated. If you treated them as heartless then you should be in prision where's inhumane. It is not a freedom of having porn magaizines, weight-lifting, good cook food, tv's, warm shower, and etc. Oh, I heard that the prision foods are better than school food. It's better not be that true. It should be the opposite.

Exuse me for being a little too passionate about certain things. *grin*

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality. Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine. You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion. You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

How true for me. I do dislike religious gururs and leaders for I do feel they are charlantans. I do find my own spiritual path that I never thought I did. After all the time the answer is in your heart and soul. As I mention before how to get to know your soul and how to look inside of yourself? Go to the mirror and look deeply in your eyes. I know it may be sound silly but as the old saying "The eyes are the window to your soul." It's true for me. I dunno about others. Whatever they have their own relationship with the divine.

Your Irish Name Is...

Duvessa Sheehan

What's" your Irish Name?

Well, that's interesting since I put my name is Crystal and that's how it is my Irish name.

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

LOL!! Obvious, it's looks very smiliar color of the flower of my blog. It's somewhat pink/purple kind. Now that's funny about me pick that kind of color. Hahahaha. It fits me. Sometimes I didn't realize there are certain things that can be descirbe about you of whatever you picked. There can be many different reasons.

You Should Learn Spanish

For you, learning a language is about career advancement and communication. Knowing Spanish will bring you tons of possiblities for jobs and travel. Bárbaro!

What Language Should You Learn?

I should learn spanish? Oh I see. Mmmm maybe I should hire private instructor to teach me spanish. I like that way better than going to class because it's focus on group or hearing people expect you to speak. I usually like private tutor. I notice I do better on my grade. I did have private tutor back in High School and Community College. It is really helps me a lot for one on one better than a group or class.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Off to see the wizard...

*grin*

Well, today is my off day. I enjoy so much and relaxing. It's such a beautiful day today. I went to shop downtown with my mom. She and I explore around. Afterward, we went to cheesecake factory. My mom wants to try chicken biscuit. I refuse to try that because it is very similar as chickenpot pie. I never really like that much. What my mom ordered that it looks so fresh. It has white gravy. Now, I do not like most white gravy in any kind of resturant because it's toooo salty or toooo thick. However, I did taste some of my mom's, it was fantastic! Absoultely dealious. The white gravy is perfect! I told mom try it. She did and she love it! She was rejecting it first place and assuming that she didn't like it. Instead, she pour all over on the chicken, biscuit, carrots, and peas. Oh, I never really care much about peas but that one is a good one. Next time, I will order that chicken and biscuit. It's really good.

We didn't order dessert because we want to try out that special yogurt ice cream. It is another excellent taste. I did try that chocolate sugar-free and it taste sooo sweet like a real sugar. I find it hard to believe that it is sugar-free. This time it is piscoute (some kind of nuts flavor). My mom likes it. I didn't care that much. I choose the cookie dough yogurt. It's good! I hope maybe next time I would be able to get that sugar-free chocolate. It's my favorite. My mom is hoping to get that next time, too.

Oh, good news, I have 3 days off next week. Tues, Wed, and Sat are my days off. YEAH! Can you guess what's so special for next Friday to come? (not this Friday but next week Friday). *grin* If you can't guess, You'll have to wait until next Friday for me to tell ya. *wink*

Oh, do you see that dog in the picture? That dog looks almost similar as my dog. She has a bit more white on her chest. And a white line from her nose to her foreheard but overall. That dog looks so much like Reese. So cute... Huh?

Weather is nice, today.

Beautiful weather, I was tempting to call my work that I wouldn't be able to come to work. However, I didn't. I needed the money so I can pay off my bills and hopefully go back to graduate school. I'm still not sure if I really want to go back to school. I'm really bored with school. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy learning and studying but I feel like half of my life is school. Well, since preschool and all the way to University, that's pretty much half of my first life.

Today's work are mostly adult working there. There isn't anybody who's younger working there today. Lucky me! I don't have to deal with young people who's giving me hard times. I just can't wait for Wed is my day off. *sigh* I'm really looking forward to that. A day off is alwyas the best!

Overall, my family, two small creatures, and I are doing good. Oh, there's a small and short agruement with my mom and I kinda won but she refuse to admit. *grin* I did prove my point. Haha! Pppffftttttt to my mom.

The gangs

The world's most dangerous gang have already spending to 33 states started from Los Angeles, CA in 1980's. It's called MS 13. Once joined that gang and never be able to leave. You'll be dead if you would try to leave. That's what I was watching on Explorer channel. It's amazing. Almost like Al Capone in 1920's, well known famous gang leader in America.

Also, I never heard of Mafia before until I look up and I notice Godfather the movie. I kept hearing that movie but never watch it. I also saw on tv but I kept missing the beginning. Mom suggestion to watch on History channel because they usually gave facts in between. I hope that I would be able to catch it one day to watch that movie or buy one. Sometimes it is best to buy one instead of waiting for commerical finish. I dislike the commericals. I find them annoying.

.....
.....
Off to see the wizard. What I meant is change the subject.

At work was okay. That same girl is giving me hard time again. Which I already knew that she would. How typical of her. One of my guy friend (who I used to have a crush on) once told me "There's always one or 2 bad apples in the group. No matter where you are, at work, at church, or any group of organization." He's right about that. (I'm glad that I didn't married him. I know I would be unhappy as a pastor's wife. A good chance that I would get a divorce.)

Anyway, my parents and I are doing good. TT and Reese are doing okay. The weather gets chill to warmer and from warmer to chill. It's back and forth. I still can't wait for chilly days. If so, I would miss swimming. I love to swim. I hope to have a chance to swim one last time this Wedensday. I heard that it it would be 80's degree. This coming Wed is my day off and so is Saturday.

Quote of the day, "Your soul will save your life once you get to know your soul." ~from me

If you want to know how, go look into your eyes in the mirror. The old saying "Eyes are the window to the soul."

Interesting.**Editing

Sorry about down below that there is very small and fine prints. No body can read that. Well, I know I can't. Anyway...

Men lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better.


Extroverts tend to lie more than introverts, Feldman found in similar research involving a job-interview situation. Respectly from this website: Why we lie? (I lost the website. Sorry, I will go back to find it when I have a chance.)

I thought that was very interesting about extroverts tend to lie more than introverts. I didn't know that. I'm intorvert, I rarely lie. I did caught myself lie is just to make the other person feel better. I notice that I do that sometimes. I do notice that women do lie just by make me feel better which I already knew better

I remember one time I had an beautiful outfit. There's a guy who said that my outfit doesn't make me pretty. It makes me looks pale. I did felt insult. I left and cried. There's a lady who comes in the bathroom and asked me what's wrong? I told her about it. She said, "no, that's not true, you looks beautiful with that outfit." I said, "You were just saying that to make me feel better." I caught her off-guard. She was totally unexpected. She said, "No, that isn't true. That dress looks great on you." I said, "Thanks." She seems satified with that and left. However, I went back to my cabin (that time it was summer camp) and changed. I came back. That guy said that he was sorry that he offended me. I told him that's okay. At least, you were telling the truth. I didn't mention even though it is kinda too bold upfront. I came home and I put on that outfit again. I asked my mom, "Does that outfit makes me looked pale?" I knew that my mom is telling the truth. She always does. She looked at me with my outfit and she said, "yes, it does." I said, "Thank You." That is the answer I want to hear. I get rid of the outfit

Now, I did notice that men tend to lie just by make themselves look better and that I consider a big turn-off. I dumped a guy before because of that. LOL Seriously, I never like those kind of guys who only think of themselves and not others. It's interesting because I'm a woman and I do think of others before me most of the times. Or I manage to think of both ways as in benfits for both of us.

I'm getting sleepy.
Good nite.

At work

Well, I don't remember if I mention this before or not. I've try to find the story and I couldn't. If this story seem familar then feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Few days ago, one of my co-worker, who can be bitchy n' nice. One night, she told me that I can go home. Something about in her face expression seem like trying to fool me. I decided to follow my guts. I told her that I will listen to my boss or boss's boss. She seem kinda disappointed in her face expression that she couldn't fool me or something. It is something that I don't feel right about this.

Today, one of my boss, she asked me if the workers in the dept were communicate with me okay. I told her, "yes." I notice that they have been trying to communicate and they have been patience most of the time. Few moment later, I decided to speak up, "There's something else that I would like to say." She listen and I explain to her about the co-worker as I mention ealier. She asked me who. I wasn't sure that was a good idea but I did told her. She said that she will not mention my name or anything. She told me that she will talk to her boss about that situation. She said that next time anything happens like that please tell her or her boss. She also said that she will talk to that co-worker about it.

I felt a little bit better afterward. At the same time, I have the guts feeling that the co-worker will know who and she may not be happy about it. I really don't care if I got her into trouble and she's unhappy; however, I'm having the guts feelings that she may tried to give me another hard time in a different situation. I just hope not. Plus, she may gave me slient treatment or something. Wait and see in the future. I hope things will work out.

Well, there is nothing else new. My family and I are doing okay. My dad is having a week off. He's been doing the front and backyard work. Reese is helping my dad and follow him everywhere he goes. TT is either asleep upstair or outside in the backyard. The weather is getting cooler since yesterday and today. I'm looking forward for my Friday off. I wonder what's my scheduale next week. Mmmm, I forgot to look at it. I need to remember to look at it tomorrow while I'm at work.

Quote of the day, "We have the power to choose. It is a choice to reject or accept the facts of everyday in our lives." ~ from me.

Website

I've try to use angelfire (dot) com for free website. I don't like commerical but it would be good for me to learn how to use a website by playing around. So far, I have no luck. I really do not know how to do that. It is same with geoCities yahoo (dot) com. Even though they did explain how to use it. No matter how much I've been trying but it is still no luck. I couldn't figure it out. I even try to play around with it. I hope maybe I'll try again later. Maybe I will get some luck. It would be nice if someone sitting next to me and talk to me of how to use website in front of the computer. It would help me to know how to use it. Sometimes words of instruction isn't always that helpful. It would be better to have some kind of picture or something that I can see through visual. I remember that I took a computer class and I have a book of whole lists of how to use Excel, Access, powerpoint, and etc. That book has words instruction plus pictures. Now that really helps a lot for me. I can do that without the teacher. Unfortuntatly thru the internet, it only gave words insturction and there is no picture to show step by step. That wasn't helpful. So, I couldn't help but wonder how do you do that?

I need some kind of visual not words. Words aren't that helpful most of the times. I like when I recieve boxes and open them up. Whatever it is in it, I enjoy reading instruction *with* pictures. It works for me. Without the picture, I'm totally at lost. I remember one time I took back in Middle School. It show the box that is already made from screws and rods. I have rods and screws all over on the table that haven't put in together. The metal box is on top of cabnet. The man said you can look at it there while I make another one just like that metal box. Only thing is I have to do is put them together. Which it is work great for me, I'm use to visual cue. I couldn't do without it.

Got any suggestion?

No Title #3

I think.

Anyway, I'm so glad that Tuesday is free day for me. However, I need to do the cleaning and possible going out with my mom so my mom can find some shoes for her outfit. We might stay and look around in the mall.

At work is okay. Just everything still the same rotinue. I'm just glad that there were thunderstorm and heavy rain because there are not so many people showing up. It makes it more easier and less cleaning. Haha. Most of time, I just sit down.... Well, not that much, I did help out with clothes that brought from the back. There were few boxes with lotsa of clothes. I just help out hanging those clothes. So it really helps to relax. Oh, I like one gal there. She's really sweet and thoughtful. I never saw her before until now. She seem like she had been working there for quite a while. Maybe we just haven't met because of our schedule are different. I hope to see her more often in the future.

9/11

Today is Monday of 9/11. It has been 5 years. WOW! That's long?!? I mean, I do remember so strong as yesterday of what happen on that day.

Where was I?

I remember my professor informed a month ahead that he has doctor appointment at 9/11 and he would not be able to show up the class to teach. I was lucky that I can sleep in the morning. I don't have class until 1pm. I did got up at 9 am; however, I decided not to turn on tv as I normally do. I don't know why I decided not to that morning as I was getting ready. Afterward, I went to the building to meet my other teacher since I have question about Chemistry homework. I know her office hour is at 10am to 10:30am. So, I show up about 10:15am. I thought I do have enough time since it is just one question. As I walk up on the first floor where the large room in the middle of the building is usually the place where they sell things once or twice a year such as poster and christmas stuff. I notice so many people crowds and look up. That's where the tv is at. I didn't pay any attention. I just walk it off thinking my homework is more important than that whatever it is. As I go up in the elevator, I arrived. I didn't see my professor. I notice other two seems very busy like something in urgent. Feeling unease, I spotted a guy who shows up. A few second later, my professor is running to her office and running back. That's not normal. She normally walks or walk faster but running. That's different. I knew that something is wrong. I asked this guy, "What's going on?" He asked, "Don't y ou know?" He looked at me like I'm an idoit. I was like, "huh? No, I don't." He explained that possible terrortist destory TWC. At first, it sound like a movie. I find that some kind of joke but I know this guy well enough who would never make a joke. Unless, he sucks at it. Deep down, I knew he's tellling the truth. I start to feel shaking because I knew that the Washington DC is a target and I happen to live in DC area as a Gallaudet student. I gather my things and left. I came downstairs and look at the tv. I saw on tv news. I was in shock. I left to my dorm anxious and nervous. I tried to call my parents. Nothing comes through. All the phones are busy. Cell phones are down. I couldn't get through my parents. I tried everything I could do. I even grab tons of changes to go to pay phone. I would give anything to contact my parents. I know my parents will worry to death if they find out about TWC and planes crash.

I was anxious! There are other students want the pay phone. I told them it is going to take a while because I'm trying to contact my parents, too. They left to try to find another pay phone. I was lucky enough to get it first before others. Somehow, I finally get through my mom. I know my dad is at work. My mom was asleep when I woke her up through the phone ring. I asked my mom that were you asleep? She said, "yes." I asked her, "do not hang up the phone, go to the tv news." She carries the phone with her and turn on the tv. Her respond, "Oh my god! Oh my god!" That was shocking her, too. My mom said, "I need to call your dad." My replied, "Wait, wait, don't hang up, you have no idea how much I'm having hard time call you, mom." I explain about the phone lines and gave her the phone numbe from the pay phone for my mom to call me back in speaific time. Hopefully that no one there on the pay phone. So in couple hours, as I was watching the news. My roommate shows up. She said that the school is cancel. We continue to watch. It was shocking experience.

As I waited by the pay phone, I hear the phone rings. I answered. My mom said "hi" then she broke down crying so my dad have to take over. My dad is usally strong person to manage to hold his emotion. My mom couldn't. She can easy break down. After we spoke for a while, my dad asked me to come home, now. I told him, "no". My mom begged me to come home. It was heartwrench to hear that. I know that there are so many cars backing up traffic while people are coming home or getting their kids. I explained that I might not be able to get home in couple days because of traffic jam. Plus, I told my parents that the kids are stuck here. Their parents couldn't get their kids. The kids are on Gallaudet campus but seprated. There are many volunteer Gallaudet students helping out and bring pillows and blankets. Many are volunteer to stay overnight with the children because of parents couldn't come to get them. There's road block and traffic jam. My parents finally calm down after we talk for several hours. Espeically when I was reasoning with them that it is impossible for me to come home, *now*. We plan to contact again later on tonight before I go to bed. I couldn't remember if I was able to sleep or not that night. All I remember I did stay up most of the night and wondering if that going to happen again soon.

Oh, I almost forgotten, I did saw the smoke from the pentgon where the plane crashed there. It was sooo surreal and seem so much like a dream as I was standing there in awe as I looking out through the window. I realize how close we were to the White House and Pentgon.

I remember that one of my professor mention that he left around 11pm and didn't get home about midnight with all those traffic jams. I knew I made the right choice to stay at Gallaudet University esepcially, I'm driving pass by the pentgon on highway. By the time, it was Thanksgiving, I was able to glance few times where the plane hit. It seem like the plane had removed but the building are still have a lot of damage on one small side area. I'm glad that the plane didn't destory the whole building like WTC did. Also, I'm glad that the 4th plane crashed at Shanksville, PA, not in DC area.

This picture is small but that is WTC behind it and ocean below.

That's sign language means

God Bless America!!

From the short lyric, I remember this song.

Oh beautiful, for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain, For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood,

from sea to shining sea.

Discrimination

Last night after I pour out my depressing mood. Slowly, I start to feel better. I decided not to give up. I got full of energy and start looking, again. There are so many choices and there's a company that I would like to contact.

I had forgotten that today is Sunday. While I was at work during my 15 minutes break, I called one company thru relay via using a person to voice my type to the hearing person on the phone.


This is exact words from him that I copy and paste it. (MALE) means a male voice and () is usually the opr talks. GA (or ga) means Go Ahead, and SK (or sk) means Stop Keying or hang up. Here it is... While the opr explain to the man what is relay means,
***copy, paste***

>>>(MALE)WHY WOULD THEY NEED TO MAKE A CALL LIKE THIS QQ JUST TELL HIM TO FORGETIT(CALLED PARTY HAS HUNG UP)(ANOTHER CALL Q GA)

>>>call back and said because i'm deaf. ga

>>>>(REDIALING)RINGING 1...2...(MALE)I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WORK WITH THE CALLER JUST TELL HIM I'M NOT INTERESTED HOW AM I GOING TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO'S DEAF I'M NOT INTERESTED!(CALLED PARTY HAS HUNG UP)(ANOTHER CALL Q GA)
***End of copy, paste***

I did try call again to explain that I have the right to sue for discrimination and I have a prove but this guy refuse to respond. He let the phone rings. So I hang up afterward. That makes me soooo #$#$%!! I realize afterward that today is Sunday and that man answered the phone. That's strange. Normally, it would be an answer machine, right?

Anyway, I'm thinking about go in person at the company. I have to find the direction for that. *sigh* I'm off on Tuesday and Friday. However, this Tuesday, I need to give my dog a bath. On Friday, I rather not go anywhere because of all the traffic due to people who wants to go home early. Mmmm, I have to think about that, huh? I even thought about taking my dog to the grooming place and let them bath her but question is how much is it cost?

Well, let you know that I'm no longer drepressing but #$%!! MMMmmm, not really, at this moment, I'm tired. It's been a long day. I didn't went to bed until about 4am last night after I got my energy back. I should express my feelings more often. I notice that it does help me feel better afterward.

Since, I've feeling a little bit better, I was able *somewhat* enjoy at work. My legs and feet are killing me. My right foot is in a sharp pain tonight before I left work. I wonder if I hurt my foot? I may not span my foot but maybe some kind of bruise it without seeing the blue-purplish. I'm attempting to call at work that I wouldn't be able to make it. That means I would not working Monday and Tuesday?? What kind of exuse that I can use? I want honest exuse or something vague. MMMm I wonder if I could ask my dad a favor? He's good at doing that in a honest way and not show up at work.

Wait and see, how I feel about that tomorrow.

mmmm, let me see what else is new? There isn't anything new as far as I know. Everything else is okay. My family and I are doing good. So is TT (short for Tom-Tom, the cat) and Reese, the dog. As far as I know things are going okay.

Oh, I just saw a real live skunk running across the street. It has short legs and long tail. At first, I thought, that can't be a cat and look up on the side and saw white streak in the back to tail. That's when I knew that's a skunk. I never thought I would see one but I did.

And other day I was swimming, I spotted up-close the hawk flying just right above my house. It's amazing!
Okay, I better close up for the day and get to bed before it's getting late.

Creepy smiles

As I was working in shoe dept, there's a man approach to me and asked me if I'm working here. I nodded. He asked me, "you have ballet shoes here?"I answered, "yeah, we do." He gave most creepy smiles as I show him where's ballet shoes. That smiles seem so much reminded me of my EX. I manage to not let that bother me. I asked, "what size?" He said "Five." I showed him the little girls area for ballet shoes. He replied, "no, I'm buying for my mom." I was like, "oh!" then I thought for few second,"mmm not I know of." He gave another creepy smiles. He replied unhappy tone in his voice, "It's same at San Deigo, California! ...." I lost what he said at the ending part as he walked off. *Geez, then why are you coming here and already knew the answer, stupid?!* Instead, I said, "Sorry." *NOT*, that was comes in my mind as I walked off. I knew that guy has NPD from the moment that he gave the creepy smiles.

Anyway.

*Warning ahead* *Warning ahead* *Warning ahead*
Let you know this is kinda depressing since I'm in a depressing mood.

Working there is soooooo boring! It's same, same, same, and same old routine. Just pick up the shoes and put it back where it belongs. Gathering Infant clothes from the fitting room to put them back where they are belong. I have to re-organize the sizes of the clothes on the rack. Pick up the things that people left behind that isn't belong in the area to give to another person who responsible in the certain dept all day long. Walking back and forth, lucky, I was able to sit down for 15 minutes break before lunch and take 30 minutes lunch and have second 15 minutes break. Sometimes I strench to 20 minutes break, not always. If they caught me, I would use the an exuse that I lost track and I will use 10 minutes break for the next break instead but no one caught me for that so far. *knock on the wood* I remember my previous boss once told me that it's okay to be late once in a while for whatever the reasons are, just don't make the habit of it. I liked that. So I try to remind myself not to make an habit of it.

I finally get the hang of it but I hate it. I don't like picking up other people's mess. I do not clean up my mess so why should I?? Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know I'm getting paid for it. It's cheap! Not worth a sh**! I would give anything to have paid raise quickly as possible. I did wrote down speaific money for an hour and doesn't have me for that certain hour money. *sigh* Like I said, I'm not happy with this at all.

The workers are chatting to help to make their times go faster as they work. Sometimes, it would be nice to understand what they are saying to help me to able to keep on working. I feel like I'm back to the old ways while I was in hearing schools. Truth is I'm use to grow up a lot of isolate. I do social once in a while. I just dislike to be around with someone who isn't honest. I remember one girl who always drainging my energy by just talking (NPD) (that time I didn't know). I stop hanging out wiht her because of her drain my energy. I befriended with someone else, she stole my lunch money. I borrowed one of my teacher and I did paid her back later. I never befriended her again. I made a new friend, she's nice and bitch which is borderline personality (again, that time I didn't know). At least, she's honest and doesn't steal. Until someone backstabbing about me and she hate me and never sit down to discuss with me to clear up the misunderstanding. It's always one thing or another. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking around soap oprea *live* which I never watch it but I do get the idea what's about. Sometimes I do feel like an outsider.

After I went to Gallaudet, I've realize how much I've miss a lot of social life. It's like I've been catching up and my native is gone once I learned so many hard ways. I never felt so much joy there. There is a rocky road for me while I was there but it's worth it. Gallaudet made me realize who am I! Without Gallaudet, I would never know. I'm glad that I went.

Now, I'm back to the hearing world. I can tell there are some people who I couldn't trust. There's a worker told me that I can leave. I told her, "no, because I've already discuss with my boss, I couldn't leave until my boss told me to." Something about in her face expression like "Darn! I couldn't fool her." That's really upsetting me. I know that there are so many bullies are out there including adults. Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting tired of fighting. I've fight 2 bully guys and one bully girl. Yes, I do physical fights. It is only time when I fed up that the bullies wouldn't stop giving me hard times over and over and over. No matter how much I resistance, the bullies still wouldn't stop that's when I finally fed up and tackle them down. I got trouble once and other I manage to get away without getting caught and same with him. I only have a quick and short fight. Something that is fast and unexpected. They got embarrassing and left. They didn't bother me every since. One is not at school but at the party. She's strong but not that strong. I almost drown her in the pool at the pool party. I strongly remember there's a sharp pain in my heart that's what made me let go of her. Look back, it's kinda funny because she wave her hands out of the water fantic like what you see on tv. It looks exact the same as tv the movement of panic and etc but I let her go. I admit that I got cocky and she pissed off and slap real hard in my back. I was on the steps and turn around and attack her again. That was a longest fight compare with other 2 guys.

There's another guy who tried to rape me, I'll be d*** to let him and I fought against him too. He was totally shocked that I fight against him and I left quickly.

Like I said, I'm getting tired of fighting and I'm getting tired of bullies. Even though I get tired of them I still fight against them in a different way now. I don't do physical. I admit that I was very *close* to hit two of my ex-boyfriend but I never across that line *pat my back* However, I still challege them with my words just like any other bullies.

*sigh* Despite my lousy english, spelling, and mistype, there are a lot of hearing people were surprised that I'm smart. Yes, there are a lot of deaf people are not so smart; however, there are a lot of deaf people are very smart. I even know some are smarter than me that sometimes I wish I have half of their brain to make my job a little easier. Believe me, I know that there are some people out there. I kept amazing to hearing co-workers about my suggestions and ideas at work that they never did thought of even it is most simple things. I feel like this is getting too old.

One of my co-worker, who used to be sunday school teacher at church teaches deaf people. When I asked her, "why is the lady (who is works at different dept.) asked me if I ever work at cashier here before?" My co-workder kept on and on explaining which is base on one word, "Do you mean just in case they neeeded a *back-up* if the lines are getting longer like in Christmas times?" She was awed, "You're so smart." Geez, I wonder why? My respond, "Thanks" *I think.*

I feel like of wanna to get out of there and work something science-y related. Something I can use my brain. I feel like I'm working at the store like a brainless job. I feel like that is for 18 years old people works there. I don't deserve this at all. I know a lot of elder people works there, too. I like hang around them because they have so much experiences such as rasing children and having grandchildren. They seems so nice better than 18 years old people who haven't experience of adulthood, yet. I feel like I'm kinda in the middle. I know I seems like I'm 18 years old by my appearce and maybe seem naive?? Maybe my appearce seems naive but I know that I'm not and I'm going to keep proving them wrong for judging me the first place. I will keep on challege them even though I am getting tried of fighting in a different way not physical.

I feel like everywhere I go is brainless job even the internship that I once went to. It's brainless job, a very few using brain is for the presentation. *sigh*

When I mention I'm getting tired and feel like giving up. I just need to find a way, even it is hardest way but I hope that I can bypass or something.

There's always hope.

Intense feeling

Wow! After watching 2 hours worth of two different shows from The Learning Channel (TLC), it's really amazing me. That is very intense moment.

And nope, I'm not kidding about some texas people did wear a jacket. I've witness. My mom said must be thin blood. Whatever that is, they're wearing it.

Anyway, I've been dealing with one annoying costumer and 3 are nice costumers, today. I didn't realize it can be emontional drainage. I know one of them has NPD because of my emontional drainage like a vaccum absorb my energy away. However, I went ahead and took my other 15 minutes break. It suppose to be one 15 minutes break if ya have short hour of working but not today. Even though I have short hours and I already used up 15 minutes, I went ahead and do the second without anyone knows about it. *hopefully* If they caught me, it is usually by warning from what I understand. So, I took advantage to sit down for my second time around of 15 minutes. Normally, I would read a book but instead, I choice to close my eyes and medicate to have my energy back. It helps. I do know that my soul would refill the energy for me when I needed.

Ya know, after all those years of my empty heart and searching for something to fullfillment. Nothing ever works of every where I search within and outside. People kept saying it is there somewhere but they never tells me *how?* Then I realize that is because they really do *not* know how and their hearts are empty as much as I am.

One thing I do know that I did have very *low* self esteem so extremely low that I almost killed myself because of that. So many years, teachers, parents, family, and few older adults who I trust the most. All kept saying, look in the mirror and find out what you like about certain things like color of eyes, hair, and the lips. Maybe notice the laughing lines and a nice smile. Also, accept things that can not be change (unless ya wanna go to plastic surgery, which I recommend *not*) Also, saying something like "I like myself." and etc until you get use to it as become second nature that would help to boost self esteem. It does helpful, however; my heart is still empty. I mean I finally accept my outside appereance. I like the color of my eyes, hairs, and my natural smile. Only thing I do not like is my nails. It's so thin and soft. I try to drink lotsa of milk and eating yougert for several years. Sometimes cheese because it does have a lot of fat but lucky now they have low fat cheese. I finally accept the fact that I can't have nice real nails other than just put the fake ones. There are some things that I dislike but I've learn that's is part of who I am that God created me to be.

Like I said, my heart is still empty even though I finally boost my self esteem. More story to tell later...

It's getting late.

I'm a stag

Well, I took another quizlla (dot) com and my result for my "What's your inner Spirit totem Animal?" The Stag. You are protected by the spirit of the deer, swift of foot and of mind; you keep true to yourself while thinking of the good of the herd. You are an independant and free spirit, capaple of solemnity and of true bravery. As long as you stay honest with yourself the Stag will protect and serve you well. Your quote: "If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself" It sound like me. *grin*

Okay, here I am. Look like I'm able to have time to get online tonite. How's it going? Things are okay. My parents and two pets are doing good. I'm doing okay, too. Thank goodness that my mom isn't have any guilt-trip since my cousin's wife put her in a spot. I admit that I am hoping that we are doing the right thing. I'm pretty sure that we are.

Here's something a little bit funny. After I've been working for clothings at the store, I was at the downtown a different store. I was just check out what they have and stop by at the clothing store. I almost did what I normally do at the work. I caught myself before I continue and place back where it has been misplace. Ha. I couldn't believe that I did that. I wonder if my habit will continue like that in other stores?

Anyway, I'm so glad that the weather had been raining since last week. It really helps to cool things down here. Even though it is 80 degrees, it still feel so much cooler better than 110 degrees. The wind is blowing so nicely. There's a mild humid but still so much nice. Ya know what's so funny? I spotted to some Texas people are actually wear jackets and sweaters. I try not to laugh. It's kinda funny. Something tells me that they are not so use to that chilly weather and I'm willing to bet they would freeze their butts off if they ever go up North during Fall and/or Winter.

That reminds me that I do know one girl who from AZ and she said that 70 degree is very nice since she finally know how it felt to be freezing at Washington DC while many other people kept saying that it's too COLD. I admit that I was kinda puzzle by that and since I was here. Now I know how HOT it was for 110 to 120 degree and many people are use to that. They are not use to the degree 70 to 80 degree are very nice weather.

Oh, didn't anybody watch Animal Planet where the man who seem crazy enough to get himself killed? Almost being biten by Crodildle, snakes, and many other pretader. Well, that man got killed. I asked, "is it from the crocoidle?" Nope, it wasn't. Turn out that man try to pet a large string ray. It's about 7 foot wide long. Somehow that Ray was being starlted and strung him striaght into the heart. He was still alive and decided....

Never never never never never never never and I said again, Never never never never never never never EVER pull it out. Doesn't matter what kind of objects nails, knife or anything that periced into the heart (or nearby). Leave it alone and go to hostptial, that would give you better chance to survive

but that man decided to pull it out and that's what killed him. I've been watching a lot of Untold stories of ER, Medical mircles, 911 rescue and etc. That's how I know that you are *not* suppost to pull it out. Knife, ax, and nails (that are 4 to 6 inches) are the example of anywhere in the body parts including legs, arms and the back. Just leave it alone, chances that there might be main aurtery and it can kill you if you pull it out. So call 911 and go to hostpial . That would increase a chance to save your own life.

I hope that someone is reading this and will remember.

Well, I guess that's all for now.

Cuz, it’s Christian things to do

My mom said that she’s concern and hoping the good Lord would forgive her for not helping cousin’s wife. She said that it is a Christian things to do to help others. I felt like of wanna to say, “Geez, that’s ridiculous, I couldn’t believe that ya said that.” However, I refuse to say that. Instead, I remind my mom again that she has NPD. She will do anything to get your money until you hang dry. I told her that there’s nothing you can do. She made her choice to tell you the lie. It’s her fault for causing you suspious like last time. It makes sense that you can’t trust her again. That’s a normal respond. God would understand that. He wouldn’t blame you for having guts feelings. That’s what God give you for to trust your instinct if something tells you it’s wrong. It’s cousin’s wife will have to face God for taking advantage of you, mom. You did the right thing. I know how much you want to help her kids so she knew your soft spot and she will take advantage of that. Again, there is no way you can help the kids. She is using the kids to get through anybody and everything will be on her. She's the center of attention. That's what I told my mom. She seems feeling a little bit better.

It's like we are giving the person a fish to feed one day instead of teaching that person how to fish will feed her/himself for lifetime. So, we are giving the money instead of teaching them how to stand on their own feet. If they refuse to learn then leave because it isn't worth your time to teach those who refuse to learn. I remember when I met some people who are SO smart and yet, SO dumb. I often wonder how in the world they live?? Now, I know, they are taking advantage of us just because it is Christian things to do (or any other religions).

Also, few years ago, one girl who is in the wheelchair needed a lift to go to airport. She said she have no way to go. I asked my parents about that. They said they can't and they approch her and asked her if there is another way you can go for? She said no. My mom said, "we have no choice but to take her because it is a christian things to do" It's funny. The day, we are taking the wheelchair girl to the airport. This guy approach her and asked her, "did you find a ride, if not, I will take you there." The whole time, she said that she doesn't have a ride and she lied. I stood there and realize the whole situation and how inapproarate to do that.

It's funny, I couldn't remember who said that but I remember someone who isn't a mormon religion mention I rather to ask Mormon people to help us moving and etc because that's Mormon have to do is to help other people. By helping others are a way to earn to get to heaven. I thought that wasn't very nice things to do by taking advantage of someone's belief. Now, I know.

I notice that there are so many NPD are church-goers, that’s another main reason why I don’t go. It make sense that they are using people and take advantage of their guilt trip because they have to help others because it is Christian things to do. That is also explain why so many Christian people and including me feeling so emotional drainage. It makes sense. Other things that make sense is that they stop going to church because they weren't happy or didn't find good spiritual there. Now that's explain I like this statement by Jesus, "God is all around you and within you, not the madison of stone or wood (church), lift the stone, you'll find me, split a wood, I'm there. So God is all around us and inside of our hearts." I do know that cousin's wife is a church-goer, too.

That's another reason why we are having hard time saying no. We are having hard time to set up the boundary. Most of the time, I don't care about what other people thinks but I do admit that once in a while I do have hard time to say no when they asked for help. Sometimes I do have hard time setting a boundary and sometimes I can be passive and sometimes not. My mom is passive a lot. She have hard time saying no. She always have guilt trip. I looked back and realize that my mom was teaching me to do the opposite of what she had been through. Meaning, she teaching me not to have guilt trip and don't worry about what other people thinks. She kept constantly reminding me about that. My mom doesn't want me to go through the same thing she's going through. That's why I manage not to worry about what other people thinks and able to stand up for myself, most of the time. I'm still human and I do have some weakness but not as much as my mom. She has more weakness than I do. I think because my mom was raise by NPD mother who constantly putting my mom guilt-trip and tries everything she can do to please her mother. So, she doesn't know how to stand up. However, she manage to put me guilt-trip sometimes. I notice. I've manage to set my sheild there.

I also notice that I've set myself a shield of every guy I meet and every people I meet since I left my second EX. Mainly, I do not want to fell in love with wrong guy. I rather take things easy and slow before I able to release my shield. At the same time, remain true to yourself. When nessearcy to protect yourself is to walk out and never look back. Only times to look back is to learn not to make the same mistake twice.

OFF SUBJECT:
Here's a funny moment but first, hearing people, if you are reading this then I'm sorry that I might sound offensive but it's cute and funny story.

Here it is:
When deaf people and I are going out to restuarant, we sat on the table. It is almost always, the waiter come to our table and start fast talking or babbling on and on about the special prices for the day or something new that isn't in the menu. We just sit there and look at her to let her finish her presentation that we do not understand. Finally, she asked, "what do you want for a drink?" That's when I able to understand and start signing to other deaf "What kind of drink do ya want?" Everybody opens their menu and using their fingers to point on the menu of what they want. Often time I notice the waiter realize how much fool they feltby babbling on and on to the deaf people. I can see their face expression that they feel like an idiotic. Other times, I notice their face expression like "oh!" with the lip shape of O. They couldn't believed that they kept talking for nothing. Also, I can see thier faces are red, sometimes. I try not to laugh when I see that plus I do felt sorry for their embrassing moment.

Well, I'm going to work at the store for a long week. So, I may not be online for quite a while.
~Good Nite~

Lies, Lies, and Lies

Yeah, I know. First, there is going to be a kinda venting moments with disappointed.

Knowing that my cousin was raised by NPD grandma. So, he married one. It's really sad. After my bad experience with my ex, I already know who I'm dealing with. However, my parents doesn't. Espeically my mom, she is still clueless around NPD.I told mom that she has NPD. I explain a lot about it. My mom wasn't happy that she lied about her son who had allergic reaction from tick and needed money to pay hosptial bill. So, she send through wire money. Next 2 days, she called from Tenn and having fun at the aquirium. Staying hotel, she bragged that she got the money from the wired other day. That's NPD. And she even asked for more money.

My mom asked her husband who staying home (he didn't go with her and he had no idea where his wife is at), he told my mom that tick never bitten his son. And he doesn't have any allergic reaction. Of course not, she use my parents money and left to Tenn. I already knew that she's lying.

My mom said that she is very good with money that's why my cousin is giving her resonpsible. Ha! I told mom it's like trust your dog to watch your meal for you.*sigh* they're bankrupt and they have no choice but living with her mother (grandma). They had lost home. Now, she asking more money. My mom kept saying something that she doesn't make sense. I told mom, the more you talk to her and askes question the more she'll lied. My mom went ahead and called her again to ask questions. I warned my mom that she would not take no for an answer.

My mom did said no but cousin's wife kept manpluating to make my mom feel guilty. Also, my mom found out that she telling 2 different stories on the phone. I told my mom that NPD will keep telling lies even the truth will set you *free*. My mom said she wants to help the babies (which is now they have 2 boys). I told her, there is nothing you can do. NPD will keep all the money. Best thing you can do as I told my mom is keep sending Birthday and Christmas gifts to them. No matter what. Keep on sending and never the money. No matter what. Cousin's wife will kept it all the money for herself.

Something else that my mom told me that she kept asking cousin's wife why she didn't ask for help from her own parents that she have. She said that either they are not home or out of town the same thing. I told mom that I'm willing to bet that her parents stop giving her the money because of all the lies she kept saying and using them for the money.

My mom also said that it is same with her brother who always making up lies just by getting more money. I told mom that he does have the same NPD. That I already knew. Just that my parents doesn't. It's sad that kids are affecting by NPD parent (or both). Even though they never pysical abuse but they do recieve mental and spiritual abuse. It is almost the same as "Ever After"Cinderella. One young boy will become like Cinderella while the other will be like the Stepmother. Sometimes both will have NPD. It's sad that happens for gerenalition and the next.

Like I said, "just do your best as you can by giving the love that they need even in long distance." The rest is up to them.

OFF TOPIC:
Reese is doing good. She wants to play again. I did play with her for about an hour before I leave work because I know that I would be too tired to play when I come home but she still wants to play. I just throw a ball. Other time she doesn't want me to throw the ball. She wants me to chase her while she has the ball. *haha*

My parents are doing good and so do I. My legs are tired and so my feet but since I bought an excellent quiality pair of shoes, I notice the pain are reduce. It's still there but not so painful like the first 2 weeks that I have had. I'm glad for my brand new shoes. I needed them.

Smile!

Long Day

Today I have to get up early because I can't take a shower while thunderstorm last night. Finally, it has been raining all night and all day but on and off. It's about time! This place is so dry and brown.

I had hearing aid appointment in the morning then go to work. Like I said, it has been very long day. I got home about 11pm tonight. Reese is feeling better, now. She wants to play but I'm too exhausted.

During at work (and last week), they put me in Infants/Toddlers and Shoes dept for me to do. All I have to do is pick up the mess from other people left behind. Geez, I'm not a clean freak and I don't like to pick up other people's mess. However, I get to paid for it. *haha* As I was working at Infants/Toddlers. It makes me think of my good friend who is going to have a baby. I even thought about buying something but don't know what. Beside, I notice that I rarely use snail mail. I'm not the type of person who writes letters and mail them. I prefer emails. It's so much easier.

Well, I'm getting very sleepy so I'm going to bed, now. MMMmmm maybe find something sweet first. I'm thinking about sugar-free chocolate milk. It's good. I bought it that brand type is NestleQuick (sp?) with that brown rabbit picture on it. It's new sugar-free chocolate to make chocolate milk. Yummy and Healthy especially go with skim milk.

mmmm I have to ask my mom about how to make Fat Free and Sugar Free CheeseCake. It's easy to make and NO bake in the oven. That's right, ya don't have to cook it. Just do the mixtrue and put in the refridge. I'll try to remember when I get around to it to ask my mom. Okay.

Good Nite!

No Title #2

Really? How old did ya think I was back in Fall of '98??

Smile. Well, I'm free this weekend but not next weekend. I think next weekend is Labor Day weekend. Is it?? I lost track of time. Anyway, how's things going? I'm doing good. My parents are doing fine. My mom's cat, Tom-Tom is fine. He still don't like my dog, Reese. Reese sometimes like to give him hard time by walking by him too close.

However, Reese isn't feeling good lately. Past several days, she has going on and off diarrheal. This morning she had been barking of want to go outside but my mom and I want to sleep in. My mom didn't realize that she have to go. She did go in the kicthen. She did very good job of going outside to the bathroom. She really tries hard. Bless her heart. She's being such a good girl that she hold for about few hours or so. Of course, we didn't punish her. Meantime, we did call vet and the vet told us to give her ONE certian medication from the phramcy(sp?) store such as CVS or Walgreen. So, we did to see how is she doing the rest of the night and in the morning. If she didn't go diarrheal then she should be okay if not then I have to take her to vet on Saturday morning about 10:30am.

I hope that she's going to be okay. I'll let you know how she's doing in next few days.

Snow Leopard

(One of several favoite

creatures of mine.)

2nd week of working

Wow, time sure flies fast, already!!

Guess what? Yesterday and day before that, many people been asking me how old am I? I said, "guess."

Their respond 18,19, and 24. *LOL* None of them are true for my age. Haha. One elder lady said, "19?" My respond, "Nope." She asked, "Down or up?" I said, "Up." She guessed, "22?" I said, "Higher" She said, "25?" My repond, "Nope." She said, "GET out!" She find that hard to believe that I'm nearly 30's. I said that I will be 30 next month. She was like "WHAT? No way! I don't believe you!" I laughed hard. She looked at the other about young and asked her "Guess her age?" She guessed 24 years old. Then the elder lady said "no, she's 29!" She looked at me and said "Wow, ya looked good!" I said, "Thanks"

Many of them couldn't believe that I'm a lot older than my appearce. No wonder why a lot of younger guys... I do mean High School guys find me attractive. My mom said there is a guy next door likes you. I was like, "huh?" I told mom that he is tooo young for me and I'm tooo old for him. My mom didn't realize how old is he. I told her that I saw a sign said Congratlation Graudated High School last May of 2006 in the front yard and his name is Tommy. That's how I know he's about 18 or 19. (or possible younger).

Mmmm Maybe I should be a model?? *hahaha*

Anyway, I really enjoy that I do look young even I'm a lot older. Truth is that I have my father's side family that looks so young. Hopefully, I do have my strong dad's gene because most of my dad's side their death rate is between 100 to 105 years old. Very few in 95 years old. While my mom's side mostly 80's. Maybe I get to be 100 years old and get to see 300th anniversy of America for 2076 since 1776. Obvious, I born 1976. *wink*

Anyway, I really did enjoy talking to the workers around me and they are talking to me more. They kept asking me how to use sign language. I like working at night better than daytime with the workers. They seem friendlier. Well, next week, I'm getting extra hours of working, now. YAH! More money for me! I even have to work on Saturday but 8am in the morning next week. Ugh! I'm not morning person but I'm able to go for it. I wonder who's working on Saturday next week? We'll see.

Oh! I almost forgotten... Good news that my closest friend in Oregon, her kidney failure is able to reverse back to normal. It has to do something with allergic to certain medication that she has. Whew! I'm glad that she's going to be okay. Whoever read this and send good thoughts or prayers or both to her, THANKS!

Weekend Off

Well, I do have Monday off, too. Tomorrow (technically, today is monday), I'm going to shop for a pair of good tennis shoes. I hope that might help for this coming Tues, Wed, and Friday. That's right, I'm working on Friday. Not only that but I'm goint to work at night shift. Well, look at the bright side, I can sleep in. *LOL*

I hope that pair of good shoes would help my feet. Since, I've came home, I felt like I'm walking on thousand tiny thorns at the bottom of my feet. I give anything to help my poor feet. My legs feel so sore. Even though I've been walking an hour and swimming for an hour or more, my legs and feet are hurt when I come home. It's the concreate. They're not good for your legs and feet. Especially on the knee, it does put weight on your knee. If your weight more than your ideal weight then it would put a lot on your knee twice. Yes, it does put a lot of pressure on your knee.

Anyway, I admit that I do not really enjoy working at the store especially dealing with costumer. Obvious, I'm introvert but at the same time I don't really like to deal with hearing cstumers. I notice that I'm more introvert around hearing people while I'm extrovert with deaf people.

Ask yourself, do you tend to be the last person to stay at the party (whichever ya feel comfortable like christian's way of party or non-christian's way of party, depend on situation that you feel comfortable) or do you leave early?

If you are last person to stay at the party that means you are extrovert. If you leave early that means you are introvert. When I'm around hearing people, I leave early. When I'm around deaf people, I may be the last person to leave; however, I tend to stay to help clean up the mess before I leave. When I'm around with people who smoking and drinking, I leave early. If I'm around people who having fun times without drinking and smoking then I'm last person to leave.
It's depend on situation and which group do I hang out the most. Sometimes, I know that some deaf people are not so smart then I don't normally hang out with them. If I meet deaf people who are smart then I like to hang out with them. It is same with hearing people. I know that there are some hearing people who isn't smart and who is.

That's main reason why I don't like working with costumers especially when they are not nice. Even though it is only 3rd day of working, I feel like want to quit. I dunno yet. I'm going to try to hang in there for 60 days or so. I prefer to work at cashier. Only thing I have to do is "hi, how are you?" and "hope you have a nice day." Something like that, I don't have to deal with their complicated different questions of "where is this and that?" "Is this on sale?" "What's the different between 2 robes, one is on sale and other is not?" The worker told me it is because of color. Some people like that color better than other so the price stay the same while other color that people don't like use it on sale. Oh okay. I didn't know that but still some people asking complicated questions that I can't answer. Worst, some people have very soft voice which make it diffcult to understand. *Egh* At the cashier, the questions and answers are predictable. I know that person would either said, "I'm fine, so-so, tired, or boring" stuff like that. So I can able catch on that the usual possible answers.

I think I already mention at the resturant. It is predictable questions. I know one lady have VERY heavy accent from Mexico. I don't understand ONE word she said but I know those questions are being asked and I was able to answer. My mom was surprised that I was able to answer the questions. She asked me if I understand her. NOPE, not one bit but I can already predict what questions will answer.

Here's another example, when I come home from high school, my hearing aids' battery are dead. I do mean both hearing aids for 2 of my ears. I came into the kitchen as usual. I already knew my mom would asked the same question. "Hi! how was your school, today?" My respond, "Oh, good news, I past my test on math, today." My mom would replied as usual, "That's great! I'm happy for you" Or "Wow, I'm proud of you. I know that you can do it." Then my mom would asked me, "Mind get some veggies to wash and chop them up for me?" Which I grab them and do what she usually asked me. I never hear one or look at my mom the whole time. After a while, my mom notice something, (she does that everytime even today and it's my d***n pet peeves.) she sticks her finger in my ear, "Don't you have hearing aids on?" I told her "No, I don't because batteries are dead." Mom asked "How did you hear me?" My respond, "I'm deaf, mom! Because it is the usual rotinue! It is always the same questions and same answers every time." My mom went like 'oh' in her face expression. I contine as a teenager kind of way, "DUH!"

Limited of being deaf person, I prefer to stick the same rotinue when I'm around hearing people but when I'm with deaf people I'm the type of person who likes to change and enjoy changing rotinue. I do enjoy exploring and learning. I enjoy learn all the questions that they asked me to help me to think of how to answer the questions. It's doesn't matter what it is. Weather it is life struggle, advice, or challenge religion's belief, I like that. Some people have excellent question that I do not able to answer and other times I was able to answer perfectly. Well, being in a hearing world is not easy for the deaf people. It's frustrated sometimes.

Well, sometimes I just have to learn to put it up with it.

Okay, time for me to wrap up.

Oh my closest friend in Oregan, I haven't hear anything from her. All I know I will find out more news on Monday. Hopefully, a good news.... Please send a good thoughts and prayers for her. Thanks again!

2nd day @ work

Wow! My legs and feet are killing me!! When I came home and sit down for 10-15 minutes, I got up and my legs felt sore. My feet are stinging. I've been working for 6 hours walking and standing. I only able to sit down on my 15 minutes break twice. I work in clothing dept. I'm resonsble taking clothes from fitting room and put them back. I have to fold clothes and put on table and etc. Always neatly order of the clothes rack, costumers are so annoying. When I finally straight the hangers out in neatly order, the lady came up just look at it and mess them up on purpose. *Geez* Can ya believe that? Then I realize I had done the same thing but that time I was in teen year. It's normal. I don't do that anymore. That lady is in her 30's and that I consider so immature for her age. Now I understand how the workers feel of how frustrated to re-do them everytime when costumers are being just plain mean. It is not only frustrated but so tired and tedious because you have to go back and forth everytime. It's same o' rotinue.

*sigh* I'm going to work again tomorrow for another 6 hours. I dunno about this Friday and weekend. There is part of me hoping just to have a full 3 days off. My legs and feet are screaming for a rest.

Good Nite!

P.S. Please pray (or sending a good thoughts) for my closest friend who lives in Oregan/Washington state, she had kidneys failure. She is about the same age as I am. She's in hosptial and waiting for result of find out what causing this problems. Thanks again!

Got a Job! **adding

Well, seem like I did got a job. I got called this morning to ask to show up for orienation (sp?). It's all about rules, safety, and what should we do. Blah blah blah for 4 hours and a half. That young man is most talktive in the group. So that's why it's taking a little longer than it should be. However, I will be back for training at least 2 weeks or so. Afterward, I will get a full-time job for clothing postion. Yep. It's all about clothes. *grin* My favorite position to check out for clothes. Heehee, if I ever find something I like I might buy it after I finished working. Haha. Maybe not... I want to save money to pay off my bills and maybe have mini-vacition, I really want to get out of here! Obvious!

Lucky me that the store will closed on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year Day. It means I still get paid. *grin* I liked that. Full time job with benifits, that's what I needed. Soon, I'm going to set up for dental appointments. I hope my teeth are okay. I've been bushing my teeth for several years but didn't go to dental. It suppose to have regular check-up. We'll see. Hope nothing serious, I don't feel anything awful. I do cherish my teeth since every dentist I visit have always said that I have very good and beautiful teeth so take good care of them. I do not have to wear braces nor take the wisdom tooth out. Or any other complication stuff. Just one gold cap for cavity (sp?) in the back of my teeth.

Okay, since it has been long day. I'm going to take a nap for a little while.

***Adding more comments: Oh yeah, I almost forgotten. I am under probroation (sp?) up to 60 to 90 days before I actually stay in perement job. Oh boy, dealing with unfriendly costumer is not my favorite thing to do. Some of them can be quite rude. ***

Drug Screen

Well,

I went to the lab to get the drug screen. Everything is the first time for me. I have no idea where it is. I have a map but I kept missed my turn several times. Blah blah blah. Don't want to bored ya. After that, I got home and wait to hear a phone call from the Main Store. I should hear by next 6 to 7 days. Wish me luck!

Here's a small venting moment...

It has been second Friday of no closed caption, in fact, it has no closed caption since Aug 4th on my favorite channel Sci Fi. I am very disappointed that I missed couple of my favorite shows because of no closed caption. I'm not happy about that. Other channel the closed caption works fine. I tried my parent's tv and it has the same respond. I decided to give a try by send email from the sci-fi website to see if any luck. Surprisely, I recieve a quick respond and said I have to send snail mail to Sci Fi company in New York. Well, geez! Thanks-a-lot! Should I wait or should I send a letter?? What if there were too many people sending letter and they may not be able to read mine? Mmmmm...

Off-subject.
Things are going good. My parents are doing good and so am I. I truly am looking forward to get a job just to do something. Also, tmw (saturday), there is some kind of downtown festival but not in my area but the other side. We might go there to check it out to see if there is anything good. It's something for us to do. My mom is going nuts by staying in the house. I told her get a job, too. That will keep ya busy. She gave me a look. She doesn't want to. Who cares! If she wanna to bad enough then she'll go for it. If not, then too bad. Haha. It's up to her.

Oh if anybody read this then please send a good thoughts (or pray) to my long lost best friend in Oregan since she had a bad back pain from her fall. Thanks In Advance!
Quote of the day: "You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do."~Henry Ford

The real superman

What is Water Bear? I just watch last night tv show about eXtreme. For those creatures be able to wake up from the dead. The number one count down is called water bear. It is mircoscope creature. They're able to surive thru freezing -300 below degreeF and heat of 400 degree F up to 120 years. That tiny creature looks like a bear with 4 legged and has claws. Oh, they can survie in space and radioactive. AMAZING!

Check out couple website.
Water Bears - The World's Toughest Animal

And...

The incredible water bear

And...

Amazing Facts

Or check out more thru search engine websites.

Quote of the day: The best way to predict the future is to invent it. ~Alan Kay

Interview

Well, I did had interview today and it went very good. I was kinda surprised myself that I was able to talk about my strength and weakeness. When I started to talk, I notice my nervous seem gone. That's the first because last time I had interview, I was nervous the *whole* time!

I think I'm going to get hired but first I have to get thru drugs screen. Blah! I have to go tomorrow for that. pppffffttttttttttttt After 5 to 6 days if there's drug-free then it is possible I would be able to get to start work. At least it's something for me to do and earn some money. It's really cheap start cost of hour. I was kinda hoping a little bit more than that but guess not.

Oh, look at the bright side, when there is 75% to 90% off, we the workers are able to get them first. WHoo-Hoo!! I hate it every time I go to the store that have percent off and doesn't have MY size! Now, there's a good chance I would be able to get my size before somebody else. Especially when I enjoy shopping!! *grin*

I'm looking forward to do something in mean time I still haven't give up my goal to search for my biology major related. Maybe those biology dept would give me a better chance?? Once they see me that I am able to work with hearing people including customers and teamwork.

Quote of the day: You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.~Barbara De Angelis

Big Store

Yep, yep, yep, It's a big store that I applied the application either last Wed or Thursday. I got msg on phone possible Saturday morning. So I called back on Monday but the lady wasn't there so I called today. It is thru relay (An operator voice for me of what I type to the receiver on the other phone line), she seemed like surprised by the fact that I am deaf. Since the relay explaining twice what is relay. I decided to tell her that I have the ablity to speak and lipread very good. (Well, I didn't mention most of the time.) She asked me to come over for the interview tomorrow (Wed.) at 2:30.

Geez, I'm so nervous. Even though it is not my perement job but I am still nervous. My mom said if they didn't hire you, it is possible that they don't think it would fit my personality (since I am introvert, not extrovert.) My mom told me that when my dad had interview for a job and he didn't get it. My dad's boss did called and asked why. (Under Air Force to transfer a different job). The man told my dad's boss that he didn't think that my dad is a strong enough to handle this stressful job. His boss said, "Oh, yes he is, he had been working under me and I have seen he have the ability to handle very stressful job and I know that he can do that position, too." So he got hired and transfer. Point is that some people don't think it would not fit the personality and depend on what job would we able to handle or not.

I think my mom is trying to ease my nervous. Thanks mom for trying.

So, few minutes later, she brought up for another story. She said that "Do you remember when we went to the river and my parents rented Canoe and I get the open kayak (open means that there is nothing cover my legs in case I might flip over as for beginner.) By the time, I arrived first before my parents to the dock. There are workers to gather canoe, kayak, and others. Since I am voluptuous young lady, this guy refuse to help me because I can tell by the look of his face expression. Same time I knew he wouldn't hold the kayak for me. However, I can be very good atheltic in my own way. (it's the medication that make me look big.) I kinda wished that the dock is alittle bit lower or the water is a little bit higher as I look at it. It is above my shoulder. However, I use my both arms lift myself onto the deck as one leg on the dock while one foot is holding the kayak. If I let go of kayak, the higher chances that kayak would flow away someone have to swim to get it. I knew that the young boy wouldn't hold on the kayak. I used my foot to hold on and picked it up. The young boy saw it all and surprised that I have the ability to get on the deck and picked up the kayak all by myself. I gave it to him. He got full blast red in his face and said, "Thank You." as he took the kayak with him. My parents did saw it all.

I asked my mom why are you bringing that up? She said that nothing will ever comes in your way and you have manage to overcome adversity and I think that young boy is truly impressed with you and being embarassed by judging your appereance. You have the ablity to prove them wrong. So, some people may look at your apperence or look at your personality by mistake that same for my dad and I until someone or yourself prove that is not true.

I was like Yeah that's true. I know that. Sometimes it is nice to be remind. I know that my mom is trying to help me, however; sometimes I feel like she's helping a little bit too much. I just nod in agreement and hoping that she doesn't bring up another example. *LOL*

Well, I better get to bed very soon after my laundry. If I am going to get hired then I better wash most of my clothes so I can wear something clean this week and next week.

Wish me luck!
Quote of the day: Determination, patience and courage are the only things needed to improve any situation. ~Unknown~

Sharks!

Yep, it was last week for the Shark of the Week. Check out that story to find out if it is true or not.

There are 3 different ways for sharks to have babies.

Here's true facts: Shark baby know as pup. The blue shark does have pups grow inside the mother (like humans). There are about 2 to4 each on two sides. One or more will eat each other before they are born. Can ya believe that? Those blue sharks eat each other before they were born inside the mother. Wow! Now, that's very interesting.

Well, I'm going to say good nite.

General stuff

Well, here's another subject about guy, there is a guy who contact me via IM. We were talking online for a while then he asked me if I like poem. Sure, I do. Then he posted a poem and I asked him where did he get that from. He said that he did that himself and he likes to write poetry. I couldn't help but I am being wary about this. So, I went to google search as I continue to talk to him. He posted another poem. I couldn't find it at first but since he posted another poem so I decided to type full poem and I found the website. I asked him did someone wrote this. He said no and he said that he wrote it all by himself. I still wouldn't believe that. He posted another poem and it is from the same website. I checked out the first poem and it is still from that same website. My respond, I don't think you really wrote those poems it was really from somebody else. Claim it as his poem and really is not his. It is not a good sign. We chat some more, I kept things in gerenal. He wrote another poem few more. It is still from that same website. At last, I said bye and blocked him with no explanation. It's not worth my time. After a while, I notice that he's no longer member in the single club. Either that or is he changed to different one. I knew that he's just a scum and he's not a honest man. He's hearing and I feel like he treated me like I'm stupid. Now I bet he had a wake up call that I'm not and I am not the gullible type.

Anyway, I decided to created a new blog a month ago and I wasn't sure what to use it as a novel or what. Instead, I am going to use that blog "To Type or Not to Type" for any kind of stories. Short one, long one, poem one, quote one, or 2...... Or more, it's depend. There will be true or false otherwise it will be noted. I am still putting on my hold of writing a novel or writing a long story of based true story.

Another news

There's a news about in California, 2 older women in their 70's killed homeless man so they can earn 2 million dollars from the insurance. The insurance found out that is happen twice. So, they investigate and arrested those two older women. I wonder what's in their history? It can't be until later age to decided to kill someone.

*sigh* What a sad thing happen to our socity.

Anyway, the weather is sorta cool/warm but humid. The temperture will increase up to possible 100 tomorrow. If I have to pick summer or winter, I rather winter even though I prefer Fall time.

Oh, before I forgotten True or False? I wrote a story earlier and wonder if you want to know weather or not if it is true. Please read this story first before you know what the answer. The answer will be at the below of my comment.

Well, I did apply my resume a few more companies and hope to hear from them soon in next few weeks. If not, then I may go ahead and start working at the basic job until I pay off my debt. Maybe it is time for me to go back for graduate school. I know it can be quite expensive. However, it might help me to get a better job. I am not interesting in basic job and I know I don't deserve that after hard work at University that I've been through.

Off the subject, ever watch Anne the Green Gable? It's my favorite all time movie part 1 through 3 (or is it 4?) I love'em all. Kinda remind me of my best friend who has black hair and I have the red hair. Yep. I do have red hair! (more like dark red). However, I use to have red as Anne then later change to strawberry blonde then blonde. Later, my hair turn almost brown and now dark red with the hit of some sunlight. It is all from the sun or no sun. I never dye my hair but once I try highlight but not heavy just light. The lady who did my hair asked me light, medium, or heavy amount of highlight. So I pick light just to see if I like it. I do but it makes my hair looks so unhealthy later on. Anyway, if you haven't see that movie then check it out. It's about orphan young girl who grew up to be a beautiful young lady.

Okay, I better wrap up to go.
Quote of the day: "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." ~Susan B. Anthony


Well, that story is true.

About Men!

Well, GEEZZZ, I can't believe this! I got the "mail" from the email thru internet to find love for single people to meet each other. Well, guess what? I got an email from a deaf guy said, "I hope that you would lose some weight but it doesn't matter I don't care about the weight." Isn't that conflicts?? I like you but I don't like you. What a crap!?!

Learn what they said and watch out for that. I remember my ex said that I do miss YOU but I don't miss that other side of small part of YOU. Well, the small part is still part of me so you are going to have to accept that, if not, then I'm wasting my @#$@ time being with my ex. Doesn't matter what part of me that you don't like, you are going to have to accept that because it is who I am the whole part is who I am and if you can't accept the part of me whatever it is then I'm leaving.

Oh yeah, I did apply 2 different for single websites. One is for hearing and other is for deaf website, since I haven't find my match for the deaf (even though I prefer have a deaf partner.) I thought I would give a try to date hearing (I never date one so I have absoulute no idea about how to date a hearing guy but I am going through learning of trials and errors. I made sure that I inform that I am deaf but I have the ability to read lips and speak. When the hearing guy first thing email me said "I'll take care of you!" GEEZ do I look like a dog that needed to be taken care of? HECK! I can take care of myself! I don't need anybody to take care of me. Men are so.... weirdo! Well, not all men, I know that. I find that so ridiculous.

Here's another hearing guy, "If you really want me then you must lose weight." HA! In your dream, I will never want you weather or not I lost weight. I remember one guy who interesting in my friend who is very healthy and thin girl but not me. I was sitting in the group and someone did asked him suppose if she gain weight what would you do? He said I will leave her. Uh-oh was come in my mind. I would not recommend date that guy weather or not you are healthy.

I don't know if I mention this before or not but excuse me if I repeated, there are about 70 to 75 percent Narcissistic Personality Disorder of men. Those of what I just wrote are perfect example of possiblity have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (Well, we know for sure that my ex does have that). It's really really sad. NPD tends to twist things around. *sigh* That's explain why it is so diffcult to find a good man who raised by a good parents.

One of my family member (actually more than one), has kids and I knew that one day one or more will have the same NPD when they grow up because of NPD parent. *sigh* The whole world is fucked up. Send love and hope for the best.

Quote of the day: "The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life."~ Lydia Maria Child