It's like we are giving the person a fish to feed one day instead of teaching that person how to fish will feed her/himself for lifetime. So, we are giving the money instead of teaching them how to stand on their own feet. If they refuse to learn then leave because it isn't worth your time to teach those who refuse to learn. I remember when I met some people who are SO smart and yet, SO dumb. I often wonder how in the world they live?? Now, I know, they are taking advantage of us just because it is Christian things to do (or any other religions).
Also, few years ago, one girl who is in the wheelchair needed a lift to go to airport. She said she have no way to go. I asked my parents about that. They said they can't and they approch her and asked her if there is another way you can go for? She said no. My mom said, "we have no choice but to take her because it is a christian things to do" It's funny. The day, we are taking the wheelchair girl to the airport. This guy approach her and asked her, "did you find a ride, if not, I will take you there." The whole time, she said that she doesn't have a ride and she lied. I stood there and realize the whole situation and how inapproarate to do that.
It's funny, I couldn't remember who said that but I remember someone who isn't a mormon religion mention I rather to ask Mormon people to help us moving and etc because that's Mormon have to do is to help other people. By helping others are a way to earn to get to heaven. I thought that wasn't very nice things to do by taking advantage of someone's belief. Now, I know.
I notice that there are so many NPD are church-goers, that’s another main reason why I don’t go. It make sense that they are using people and take advantage of their guilt trip because they have to help others because it is Christian things to do. That is also explain why so many Christian people and including me feeling so emotional drainage. It makes sense. Other things that make sense is that they stop going to church because they weren't happy or didn't find good spiritual there. Now that's explain I like this statement by Jesus, "God is all around you and within you, not the madison of stone or wood (church), lift the stone, you'll find me, split a wood, I'm there. So God is all around us and inside of our hearts." I do know that cousin's wife is a church-goer, too.
That's another reason why we are having hard time saying no. We are having hard time to set up the boundary. Most of the time, I don't care about what other people thinks but I do admit that once in a while I do have hard time to say no when they asked for help. Sometimes I do have hard time setting a boundary and sometimes I can be passive and sometimes not. My mom is passive a lot. She have hard time saying no. She always have guilt trip. I looked back and realize that my mom was teaching me to do the opposite of what she had been through. Meaning, she teaching me not to have guilt trip and don't worry about what other people thinks. She kept constantly reminding me about that. My mom doesn't want me to go through the same thing she's going through. That's why I manage not to worry about what other people thinks and able to stand up for myself, most of the time. I'm still human and I do have some weakness but not as much as my mom. She has more weakness than I do. I think because my mom was raise by NPD mother who constantly putting my mom guilt-trip and tries everything she can do to please her mother. So, she doesn't know how to stand up. However, she manage to put me guilt-trip sometimes. I notice. I've manage to set my sheild there.
I also notice that I've set myself a shield of every guy I meet and every people I meet since I left my second EX. Mainly, I do not want to fell in love with wrong guy. I rather take things easy and slow before I able to release my shield. At the same time, remain true to yourself. When nessearcy to protect yourself is to walk out and never look back. Only times to look back is to learn not to make the same mistake twice.
OFF SUBJECT:
Here's a funny moment but first, hearing people, if you are reading this then I'm sorry that I might sound offensive but it's cute and funny story.
Here it is:
When deaf people and I are going out to restuarant, we sat on the table. It is almost always, the waiter come to our table and start fast talking or babbling on and on about the special prices for the day or something new that isn't in the menu. We just sit there and look at her to let her finish her presentation that we do not understand. Finally, she asked, "what do you want for a drink?" That's when I able to understand and start signing to other deaf "What kind of drink do ya want?" Everybody opens their menu and using their fingers to point on the menu of what they want. Often time I notice the waiter realize how much fool they feltby babbling on and on to the deaf people. I can see their face expression that they feel like an idiotic. Other times, I notice their face expression like "oh!" with the lip shape of O. They couldn't believed that they kept talking for nothing. Also, I can see thier faces are red, sometimes. I try not to laugh when I see that plus I do felt sorry for their embrassing moment.
Well, I'm going to work at the store for a long week. So, I may not be online for quite a while.
~Good Nite~
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