Check those 2 websites

http://serenity.man1.home.att.net/short_fuse.html

And

http://serenity.man.home.att.net/marriage.html

In additional

As I mention ealier about everybody has problems at work. One thing that my mom mention, "you have tasted what it is like in a real world."

*sigh* Wow! That's interesting.

Anyway, lucky today had been very slow night at work, not so many customers tonight. So we were able to finished up every early and left early, tonight. I've been moving real slow tonight. That is a good thing.

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My mom got sick. She had some kind of flu/cold for few days. Tonight she seems to be feeling better. I hope that she will be better by tomorrow. Lucky, that she had flu shot few weeks ago so it would not put much impact on my mom. Flu shots is not cure for flu. It gives less sick days and less impact once you get the real flu. Flu shots are just to help boast up the immune system a little. So, that my mom have a mild flu. Sadly that there is shortage of flu shots that happen same thing last year. I'm really disappointed. I was hoping to get one. Well, I already got myself sick, anway. Haha. Part of me am glad that I took the medicaiton earlier. Earlier you take the medication the quicker you'll heal. So that's why it took about a week instead a few weeks. My mom can't take medications because of her high blood pressure and diabetic(sp?). That's why she is able to get the flu shots. According to her doctor said if you have diabetic then get the flu shots and the doctor did warned her that there is a very few left. So my mom got it while she had a chance.

Everybody else and I are doing okay.

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Weather is been very nice last week and this week. Sadly, there is possible mix of winter this Thursday. Sleet, ice, cold rain mixture. Heck! I might call at work and said that i'm not going to show up. If they asked why, I'm not going out there driving in the middle of the night. I might run over the ditch. It happens to my dad. My dad did run over the ditch on cold, icy rain on the road. Main thing is if there is dirt or salt then I might go to work. If not, forget it! I rather stay at home. My life is more important than the job itself. I'm not going to kill myself if I'm going to get fired for not showing up at work. Pppfffttttttttttttttttt

So, How is it going at your area?

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Well, I have no comments left to say.

Here's an interesting quote: It is not a question of how a husband and wife can be equal and alike. But rather, it is a problem of how a couple can be equal and different. -- Pierre Mornell

Light blub

Yeah...

Earlier, my mom mention to me it is same problems for all companies, workers, co-workers, bosses, supervisor, manager, and etc. Having problems to do somebody else dirty work. No matter what. We are still doing this together to do the work for somebody else who doesn't do their job.

We all have that. I just sat there and realize that my dad had that same problem everyday at work. My mom said back in South Carolina was worst one. For those certain people who didn't do their responsiblity. My mom said that he complain and crapping about that everytime he comes home. My mom said that I am reminded of my dad because I'm complaining, too. That woke me up.

Everybody has that problems.

As I surf around website how to deal with workers who doesn't do their work through web search engine and ended up find one person left a comment is... He's the manger and he complain about one girl who doesn't do the work. What worst, she doesn't know how to use computer. He had to teach her this and that. He tried to talk to his boss. The boss doesn't want to fired her because they are best of friends for long time. OY!! That's not good. The manager tried to get that girl to work and she never did. It's past deadline. The manager have to hold "both hands" to do the work for her to get the job finished. Yet, the manager's boss still don't want to fired her. No matter how many warnings that she had recieved, she still doesn't do it.

It's amazing!! There are half of the people do work and other half of the people who doesn't do their work. I find it "wow!" Everybody do have problems at work no matter what.

Like my mom said, "If you don't let go of that stress, you will become bald-headed by the time you reach 40's" What she meant is don't worry about it. Let go, and just keep on going. Somehow world still keeps on going no matter where you are at. Life goes on!

Once I realize by that afterward, at work, I have been going very slow pace. I'm surprised that I was able to finished early even in my slow pace. I try to be slower but somehow I finish my work no matter what. So, I just help on other but in a slower pace. Also, I will have myself 20 minutes break from now on until one of my bosses start fussing at me for not do that anymore. I might as well take advantage of that.

Oh, I even arrive at work another day and my boss is in the interview with another person so I just sat for almost an hour. Haha. Since my boss didn't write down of what was I suppose to do so I just sat and do nothing. Heck for once, I don't care. So, it's nice to sit down for almost an hour and still have my 15 minutes break and lunch break. And I still get paid for the first hour of sitting my butt down.

So, I manage to find a way. Be creative. If boss catch ya or something, then don't do again and be creative for another way. Just go through trail and error... Bye bye!

Today

****Warning*****There's a complaining moments here****Possible venting**** But most likely complain******

Ya have been warned... Read it in your own risk.....

At work, one of my team leader told me to put on hold of one dept I was working on and help other girl for the Men's jeans. They need to fold. It's rather messy. I knew that girl didn't do her work. Working in Men's dept is really EASY. It's so easy that you could have worth of one hour lunch and more than 15 minutes break. It's really not that much to do compare women's clothing dept. So many women shopping less men shopping.... Anyway, I went over and didn't see that girl. I went ahead and get started on those jeans. Few moments later, she shows up and talking on the phone. I'm still continue to work on the jeans and she is still talking on the phone. *sigh*

That's not fair here. WHY am I doing all the work for THEIR dirty work?!!? *sigh* Ya know??

Other day, one of the co-worker mention to me, "you are the only one who is working here." I realize what she's said and I went off to have myself worth of 20 minutes break (not 15). I'm not happy about that. She's right. I'm not happy because she's right... I'm disappointed that they're *not doing their job. They're not taking this sincerely. I mean... don't get me wrong... I'm not going to stay there for rest of my life nor others will stay there for rest of their life... They're there for *money... But doesn't mean that you have the right to stand there and doing nothing. They're paying you to do the *work. I have to stay afterward because they didn't finished their jobs and I have to stay and help them as part of "teamwork". Well, I do not want to help them... because they're *not* do their work.

*sigh* My parents said do not tell the boss... Let the boss find out and let them worry about it. My parents said that it would make me look "snatchie" (I know it's not right spelling) meaning something like "tellietale" or be on the watch.... I'm not being on the watch... She's standing there in front of me talking on the phone. It's very obvious. She's not helping me and she didn't do the work.

*sigh* Oh, I did fill out to change schuadule(sp?) for mornings. My parents don't think I would be able to but I have already done that. They're right. My boss did come up to me and told me that he couldn't approve it. He said that he's very flexiable about it but since it is close to christmas so he couldn't approve it. Anymore questions? My respond, "Nah, I understand." I was disappointed.

My mom and I did talking about me to transfer to different store. There's a new stores building built. Many signs said "now hiring". My mom thinks that there is possible that those stores will be closed at 6pm and closed on Sunday. I'm tempting to find out about it and see if I could go for it. Do ya think that I could get hired ASAP and leave the store where I worked? Would there be similar problems? Well, I hope not. If so, that's part of learning experience for me. Beside, it's a small store. How hard can it be? *knock on the wood* I don't think the co-worker would be able to hide to talk on the phone because it is one big room unlike too many depts like Target, Wal-mart, and other large stores. Well, wait and see... I will be off Mon, Wed, and Fri... so I can go over and check it out. I said this before and I'm going to say this again... I'm not looking forward this weekend for I have to work. One thing is that I needed to do is look at the bright side. It won't be long until Monday is my off.

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My family and I are doing good. Our pets are doing okay... (I think, becuz, I haven't hear any updates about T-T). So, everything else is okay. My dad did painted the master bedroom since my mom didn't like the color light blue. So they paint some kind of creamy or buttercream or very light beidge... something like that. It looks pretty. I only see half of it before I left to work so I didn't really had a chance to take a good look.

Oh, by the way, my parents were discussing about maybe moved but outside of this county because only in this county is EXPENSIVE while all other outside of county is reasonable prices. They have already took a look at one house that they liked. So they are planning to check it out. Mainly for prices... since taxes and bills keep on increasing... So, they want to check it out to see if it is really worth it or not.... to move again... OY! Here we go again... but I'm glad that it isn't other states. Haha. From what I understand it takes about an hour from here. What's really interesting is there's a saltwater swimming pool. I never heard of saltwater swimming pool but they do have it. They also have waterfall. Most important is 1.5 acres. I know Reese would love to explore plus so many trees. It's big space for her. They seems like thinking about it so they're going to check out the area... tomorrow I think.

Happy Thanksgiving!

*sigh* I'm so glad that I'm off today but like I mention before, I'm *not* looking forward to go back to work.. Can ya believe it? I finally came home at 12:30am. I'm working from 2pm until 12:15am and I am so exhausted. I went to bed. Oh, I did fill out to change the schuaduale to work in the mornings to evening. Do you think I would be able to get that? I dunno. My mom doubt it. My co-worker even don't think it is possible because of Christmas. So do I... but I went ahead and put in the mailbox for my supervisor and wait and see if he would approved it or not that would be next 2 weeks. Unless, there's a new stores building up and said "Now Hiring" I'm willing to be those stores closed by like 6pm and closed on Sunday. I needed that. I don't want to work at nights anymore. I want to be at home and enjoy the *beautiful* days. Yesterday was such niceist weather of all. I almost attempt to call for sick days. However, I've already been sick couple weeks ago so I couldn't go that again. I did asked one of my co-worker who work there longer than I have, she said that it is impossible to request days-off before and after Christmas... not like that way. She suggestion to call in sick. I'm not that type of person who would unless I'm really sick. I just couldn't do that, I admit that I'm tempting but I just couldn't.

However, since I'm having day off, I enjoy sitting in the backyard just to enjoy the *beautiful* day. The wind was blowing the weather is cool/warm mix. See a few trees that shows atunmn colors. *sighing* I just enjoy that so much. I really want that last few more days just to be lazy.

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Well, Reese is such a sweetie and T-T still taking his hairball medience. He still have his hairball. I know that he don't like it. My mom tries to bush his hair more often so he wouldn't get so much hairball in his stomach. However, he hate to be brush his hindleg or nearby his tail. They're really all tangle and looks so much like shaggy. While the rest of his hair looked liked had been brushed. He kept hissing and try to bite everytime I get close to his hindleg and same goes for my mom. He really needs that so it would reduce the chance of getting the hairball in him otherwise he wouldn't eat his dinner until we give him the hairball medience. So he would be able to eat. My parents said that they can't afford to pay vet, right now. They hope to do that soon in next couple or so... but mostly hopefully that he would be better, soon. My mom and I try to brush him often especially that hindlegs.

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My mom bought the movie Da Vinci Code (sp?) The story wrttien by Dan Brown. Well, I haven't had a chance to read a book. I know *me* too well that I wouldn't read a book if I watch the movie. I kinda wonder does the movie say anything of possiblity that Jesus isn't a real son of God?? If so, I'm willing to bet that my mom will turn it off and throw it away and try to convence me that it's not worth to read the book. Yeah, my parents can be very Christian and close-minded in so many ways. Sometimes, they try to open their mind.... I mean, once in a while, they try.

I am on either chapter 2 or 3. I finally start reading couple days ago. I'm hoping to get around when I can.

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What's next?

Well, at first, my parents were discussing about going to Gergoria for Christmas and realize that they do not want to. Mainly because of my grandma, she refuse to have heater and never use AC during summer in the house. When the house is so freezing cold and we're not use to that since we got use to mild weather like Texas. Everytime one of my parents turn on heater, my grandma turn it *off and it's really annoying. Even though my grandma said it is okay to turn heater on and even my parents are willing to pay for it and yet, my grandma still turn it off. So, that's why we decided not to go. We couldn't afford hotel.

I couldn't imagine that my grandma rarely use A/C and Heater. Imagine how hot and humid during summer in Eastern part. Imagine how cold and dry during winter in the Eastern part. Sometimes we have snow and sometimes we don't. Yet, my grandma never use A/C and Heater in the house. I just find it hard to believe. I think maybe my grandma so use to growing up in poor for so long and got use to it. Especially during Great Depression, where everybody's poor.

Who knows, I think it might be good idea to visit in the spring where's the mild weather and all those windows will be up and all doors will be open. Just like an old-fashion way, coming in like you own a home. Haha, Cool, huh? I like it.

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Well, Happy Thanksgiving and I better do a little bit of lundary then go to bed.

OY!

Yeah, I didn't realize that the store is going to be closed every night at 11pm so that means I would be coming home around midnight or so. I'm going to turn into pumpkin. OY! That would be last for about a month. Geez, now that something that I'm not looking forward to. CHRISTMAS .... for last minute shoppers. Well, I do enjoy Christmas! I love Christmas but it something that I do not want to do is putting up with last minutes costumer... Honestly, I prefer to BE a costumer. Haha. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know. I know. Anyway, ....

Our T-T is doing a little bit better now. Since he managed to give the hairball out. He drinks A LOT of water but eat a little. Hopefully soon, that he'll be back to normal self. Just wait and see how he's doing. He's getting old. He's 10 years old. It won't be long for him. I know deep down I'm going to miss him when he's gone... Change subject to positive.

Oh, my very good friend of mine from Canada might be able to come down to Texas for a visit. I'll know for sure if he's able to in next month or so. Also, my other friend from Oregan would be coming down in Spring *CROSS Fingers and toes* I hope they would be able to. Also, I'm hoping to get to visit in Canada one day. It is something that I'm looking forward and check it out. I heard there's a best place to see bald eagles in one area where thousands of them playing nearby the river. That's something to see. Also, mountians... Love the idea to see the mountians.

I wonder about my other friend from Maryland...He did mention about coming to visit but didn't say when or how sooon.

Speaking of visit, I'm hoping that next year that my parents and I would be able to go to Gergoria to visit our family there. Hopefully soon... Maybe in the summer? Who knows? Wait and see. MMmmm I wonder what is it like to try to visit Missiouri? Well, I know for sure that I wouldn't be able to for a while. Since I'm planning on to go back to school in the Spring.

Speaking of school, I've still thinking about my future plans.

I like this quote, "Goals that are not written down are just wishes." ~Anonymous~

Cold/ Flu part 2

Well, no, I do not have a cold/flu. I know for sure I have already mention this before...

However, I keep seeing people who are sick and still shopping around. Geez, why can't they go home and STAY home? What are they trying to do?? To make OTHER people sick?? I can hear coughing and sneezing. While I work at the infants clothes, there are people there shopping for baby things while they sick. Oh don't forget, there's a co-worker who showing up sick. Mention that been sick all week last week and STILL sick... Can't ya stay at home??

I can't believe that people manage to get up and do things while they are sick.

If I'm sick, no doubt about that, I'm staying at home! until I get better and it only took me at least a week and I'm feeling a lot better. I took medience and go to bed often and drink a lot of fluids and soups..... Ya know the usual... I got better faster that way. People who doesn't get better quickly for those who didn't stay in bed.

*sigh*

I just hope that I don't get sick again. I really don't want that to happen. I've try to stay away from them and wash my hands often (just like before and yet I got sick).

Well, wait and see...

My family and I are doing okay. Reese is doing fine. However, we are very concern for our cat, Tom-Tom (short for T-T), he has not been eating and drinking for 3 days. He had been coughing every time when he tries to eat or drink. My mom thinks maybe hairball and he needs to take medience to able to cough the hairball out. So, we just need to keep an eye on him for a while to see how he is doing.

Agrrhhh pt 2

Geez, several days ago, I tried to post my blog but this blogger ate it! I was trying to talk about Reese. Egh! Never mind... maybe next time...

In meantime, I finally got back to work last Wedensday. I looked at my schuadule *pout* My days off are on Monday and Tuesday... those were my "chosen" days off. I was so hoping to have another days off this week beside Monday and Tuesday. WAAHHH. Oh well, I was so exhausted and I went to bed after work. I knocked out! and woke up about an hour before I go to work again. Geezzz no time for ME time. What I meant is between "God and I time"....(Not in chiristian's way, *grin*.)

Today's Friday... I'm off Tuesday... and Thursday (but really the store closed on Thursday the Thanksgiving day so technically I'm off one day of the week.) I am NOT looking forward to work on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I knew those 3 days are last minutes shoppers for CHRISTMAS! *groaning* I know I will be extremely exhausted. Oh, speaking of last minutes shoppers, there are people there does do their last minutes shopping, just 15 minutes before the store closed and asking me for help when I need to finished everything in perfectly in order so I can go home early. I can't... I have to put on hold.. so I can help that !#$% costumer. It's funny. I remember I am the one who always go for last minute shop and waiting for last minute. Now, I can understand why the workers keep urging me to leave. So, they can do the cleaning and oranizing and etc.... I say to myself I'm NOT going to be last minute shopping anymore UNLESS I really in need of something. That's it!

Speaking of last minutes, I haven't had a chance to buy my family christmas presents, yet. I hope soon...

Pastor

Speaking from my own opinion, if ya don't like it then don't read it...

The pastor is going down the drain..." 'Superstar' pastors pose challenge' " I read another news. That pastor said that he bought drugs but doesn't use it! HA!

Runaway Project: It's the tv shows where there are several people competition for better creative fashion clothes. There's one guy who have several "how to do" fashion books. He got caught and being kicked out because of the rule on the lists. He said that he has those books but doesn't read them.

Here's another one: "I smoke pot but don't inhale it."

OH PUH-lease!

What kind of exauses are that. That ridculcauas(sp?)!!

*geezzz*

About gay/lesbian, he doesn't "walk the talk". He didn't do of what he preach. He's a hypocrite. I won't be surprised that more Xtians hypocrite out there. It's sad but true.

More and more group of many different religions fell down, I wonder how many more are going to realize that those are really worthless.

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Life is too short, anyway.

Meanwhile, My family and I are doing okay. As usual, so is our pets.

Sorry that there isn't much new news so far. I'm so looking forward for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I can't wait. Also, I hope to get around to buy presents, soon. Problem is that I can't think of something for my dad. He kept saying he doesn't need anything. *geez* Dad, ya not being helpful here. I have trouble finding something for him. I usually buy jeans for christmas for him. What else? I dunno. I still don't know what to buy. Any men have suggestions? I'm open for suggestion! Oh, he doesn't play golf, hunts, or reads. He likes history channel.

Wait a Minute!! Mmmm, that something pop in my mind... History... I did check on Best Buy before but they don't sale anything that's relate History Channel. It means if ya want something then it has to be online. However, I don't normally buys online. Well, to be exact, I haven't been buy ANYTHING online. I did try to bid couple times thru EBay but I never won one. I admit that I don't feel comfortable buying anything online. Maybe I will give a try but wait until I earn few more money. I don't like to wait last minute. I hope to remember next time when I have enough.

gotta go!

Friday!

Well, since it is pass midnight so techincally(sp?) it's Saturday.

I've almost finished my laundry. I didn't realize that my dirty clothes paled(sp?) up almost to my waist in the basket. OY!! I'm so glad that I have 3 more load left for me to finish up tomorrow. Plus, I've been cleaning my bedroom, bathroom and my mom's kicthen. Yes, I've been doing the dishes and clean up the counter, too. Oh, I didn't forget Reese, I've played with her, too. While my mom been gone to do some grocery, she went 2 different grocery stores. Reason why is because there are some things that one grocery doesn't have while other does have. Sometimes one have sales and other have different kind of sales. So, sometimes my mom have to go at least 2 to 3 different grocery. Yeah, I know. It's kinda ridculcuas but this place is not yet that big like in the city where you can just go to ONE gorcery and has EVERYTHING. Being in country or random places, my mom does not have more choices in one store. My mom was surprised that I've clean up the kitchen. She asked me if I feel like it. I told her that I'm fine and that I'm no longer sick. Then when dinner came in, (just roast beef or turkey sandwiches) we make a mess again. I've cleaned that up, too. My mom asked me again, "Are you sure that you are not too tired to do this?" I respond, "Mom, I'm fine and I can go back to work tomorrow but I choice not to and I already know that I would have less pay, too." My mom said, "Ooohh so ya just wanna have a weekend off?" I smiled, "Bingo!"

Ya have no idea how I feel.. (well, maybe most of ya do.), I needed a break and I'm going to take advantage for that. Espeically, I knew that when Thanksgiving vacation coming. It's very normal traditional that people after Thursday will go off start shopping for XMAS on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. There will be EXTREMELY busy! That's why I want to take my time to have re-energize and be able to get to work for LONG hours! I would not be surprised that I might be working long hours, soon. Like I said, I'm going to take advantage of my relaxing weekend and spend a little bit more time with my parents while I'm doing the cleaning. *grin* I really don't mind cleaning as long I'm not that exhausted.

Oh, while my mom is gone, I open two kicthen window (yes it's tall and long one) and open the door. I know Reese loves to run in and out. Plus she would be running from one side to the other side outside. While, I'm doing the dishes, I keep my eye on her. After a while, she'll lay down on the rug and just looking around. I can see how much she's enjoy.

***********************Off to see the Wizard***********************
Ya know what? I'm usually am quiet type and very much listener. Sometimes I can be talktive and other times, I'm not. Most of the time, I'm just quiet type. What's really interesting is that, I'm mostly chatter (or should I say type) a lot on the blog than I am in person.

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Few weeks ago, my mom and I went to the mall and I've been looking around. There's a quote that capture my attention. "Never Underestimate the Power of Sick Mind" I like it and it stuck in my head every since. There's another quote "It is better to have loved and lost than live with psycho." I absoultely agreed with those two quotes.


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I didn't know about this. Somehow I surfing the net and ended up foudn this website "50 Most Powerful Women" Now that's cool! *smile*

Feeling a lot better

It was slowly of being sick to feeling so much better. One thing that's left is allergic and I'm taking allergic pill which is very helpful. Today, I'm not so exhausted and my nose is a lot better, too. I can smell around here such as foods and... well, there's a skunk coming around our house, too. We were upstair with window open and we can smell the skunk so we decided to come downstair and closed the door. It's really strong odor. I smell it first before my mom. P.U.

Anyway, I've finally get around to do my laundry and cleaning up my bedroom. I'm hoping to finish up by tomorrow and Saturday. So I can prepare to get back to work.

*sigh* There's one thing that I'm NOT looking forward is going back to work. Also, knowing that I didn't work this week and I'm willing to bet that my pay check is VERY low. Ugh! It's really cheap pay. Haha, at least, it does help me to pay my bills. Like I mention before, I can't wait to pay it off!! So I will have debt-free. Ya have no idea what's that like.... well, maybe most of you do... for those who paying bills and debts. Right? *grin*

Well, my family is doing okay and so is our pets. We were just doing our usual rotinue and chatting many different things.

However, there's something happen other day. My mom and I always open all the windows for such a nice weather plus saving some bills. We leave it crack about 4 inches or so. We left for a short while and came home. Reese had been barking on and off. I thought she wants to go outside but she didn't. I thought maybe something is outside or whatever it is. Because sometime she barks when other dogs are barking or something. Or she want to go for walk to the park or something. It could be many different reasons. However, one thing that never crosses our mind. My mom saw something different. The bathroom has been used. My mom was wondering if dad did came home while we were gone. So mom called my dad and he wasn't. After while, my mom saw one window open ALL the way and the screen was just lay there not being putted up with tight it up. The window is not 4 inches up. That's when my mom realize that it was a man in the house. That's explain why Reese been ongoing barking. I was kinda surprised that Reese didn't run off through the window. Also, I was surprised that nothing been stolen. Everything is fine.

However, my mom said that she's not suprised that nothing been stolen. I looked at her and thinking of what she's thinking, "Are you telling me that this man is not interesting any money and have some kind of alternative motive?" My mom said, "Well, I hate to think about that but it's possible that this guy might want to rape." I said, "Then why he didn't do it when we were at home?" My mom said, "It is possible that he didn't know that you are at home since you've been working afternoons a lot. So he might be guessing that I would be home alone." The thought of my mom getting raped that really bother me, "mmm You have a good point there." We decided not to open the windows anymore. Sadly, we couldn't enjoy the fresh air like we usually do. We always open our windows during morning, afternoon, and evening on the most nicest weather. We made sure that it is closed and locked before going to bed. So, we will use A/C from now on. Plus, I decided to have my dog, Reese back to that room where that window had been open at. One thing that I HATED the most around here, the windows... Why? They are so LOW that you can break it and walk in and out like a door. The windows are very high up to the cellings. Yeah, I'm talking about long, tall, and from bottom floor to top ceiling windows. It's very easy to get in and out without climbing over. *GEEZZZ* I don't like that kind of windows. However, that's all they have around here in Texas. Oh, my mom even suggestion to put catcacus in all windows. I gave out softly laughed, "Good Idea, that would give them less motive to try again!"

*****************Off to see the Wizard of OZ********************

Well, last week, I was watching Dr. Phil. The tv show shows something "hate" something....About putting people together who hate each other such as overweight people who hate skinny people and one or two hate overweight people. There's a black woman who hate white people and there's a white guy who hate black people. There's a lesbian girl who hate straight people. There's a straight girl who hate lesbian people.

It's very interesting to watch that those people who living in the same house. Haha. Oh boy, that isn't a good thing in my opinion. That does make it worst. However, what's interesting is that straight girl who hate lesbian/gay people is because of her mom who fell in love with other girl and they never notice her. Even her mom ingore her. She ended up living street and never had a chance to be a teenager and no love and etc. That's why she hated lesbian/gay people. I thought that was really interesting. Did we ever look within ourselves of why do we hate certain people? There are many different reasons behind the hate other than just fear. Now, they seems like being very good friends... straight girl and lesbian girl are being friends. That's what it seems like it to me. It's seems real. Now, I'm looking forward for the next show about overweight guy who hates skinny people and thin person who hate overweight. Plus seeing hatred between white and black. What are the real reasons behind?

Be a Man!

Why do men have to "be a man"? Ever notice that most... (not all) refuse to go to counselor? Even my own father refuse, well, he did for almost one full year for my sake's. Afterward, he never go again. Even my mom asked him to. He refused. Again, he only go to counselor for my sake's when I needed him to be there when I was with counsler, myself.

Ya know? When my ex and I were together for 3 most wonderful months, somehow it slowly go down the drain. Things changed and nothing seems going right. Everything I did wrong this and that. The way I respond (or react) is inapporiate. Everything is my fault. He blamed on me because I'm spoiled brat only child who have no brother or/and sister. If I did something wrong, I went to counselor to straight this out for my relationship. Later, I notice nothing improved. I asked and begged him to come, he only went once. Our relationship had improved for a week or so. Later, it went down the drain, again. I asked him and yet he refused. Everything I have to do to make the relationship works and it's all on ME. Later, I realized, it take TWO to make the relationship works. It take TWO to agree to bond together. It takes TWO to have sexual relationship. It takes TWO to agree to have babies or not. If one disagree, then back off such as one does not want to do certain things, respect that person's wish until TWO agree. Everything has to be partnership. I realize I'm the ONE who wants to make the relationship works and he doesn't. He never had loved me because of his NPD. NPD will never make the relationship works. He refused.

Ya know? A very good chance that my dad does have NPD; however, with that one year of counselor, he had improved himself in so many ways. Plus, he was young. The younger the person who go to counselor, the person's behavior is a lot better than older person such as my ex. He's older. He's only about 15 years younger than my dad but he's older. My dad start young by going through counselor. It's too late for my ex.

However, my dad still believes in "be a man" such as he must in control of himself and the family. He believes that if he's not able to take care then he's not "a man". Going counselor would make them feel less man. That's a myth but sadly so many men out there doesn't see that because of every gerenation. that was what been taught. He also believe that taking anti-depression pill would make him less man, too. He refuse to take it. One day, my mom did threaten for a divorce if he didn't take it. So he did. Haha. My mom did had enough with my dad's depression. Since my mom did put it up with mine when I was in H.S. I don't blame my mom for that.

I remember so strongly as yesterday. I don't remember what verse. I forgotten them a lot. I was sitting in the audience and listen to this guy who preaching the gospel of God through KJV Bible. I'm paraphasing here. He said that if you can't take care of a family then you can't take care of the church. If there's something wrong with the family then you must resign or straight this out. That's same for any buisness. I thought to myself how so WRONG is that? I mean, people are not perfect and so is the family. I won't be surprised if that man's wife ended up having manic depression. Does that means something wrong with you because you can't fix it? So that means you have to resign or HIDE. Best way to do is HIDE. Don't tell and show and etc. So ashamed... disgrace.... Just because you can't take care of you family doesn't mean that you can't do your job at work and same with at the Church. Nobody is perfect and never will be.

Check out for "Be A Man" Talk about myths.

Check out about most Men refuse to go to counselor.

Here's the cute and funny but interesting point of view: What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage?

Well, I left my ex because I knew that he never loved me because he never once shows. I left him because EVERYTHING is my fault. I'm ALWAYS fault. I NEVER get it right.

There are many things that I learned from my counselor about relationship and she pointed out one thing that we often get into fight or becoming defensive is two words "Always" and "Never".

I didn't notice that because when my ex said that "You NEVER listen to me", "You ALWAYS wrong and NEVER get it right." I repeat of what he said, "I'm always wrong." He said, "right!" I said again, "ALWAYS wrong?" He nodded, again. I said one word, "ALWAYS?" He stopped and thought for a moment, "Welllll..... Not Always but 99% that you are wrong." I respond, "So, 99% that I NEVER get it right." He nodded in agreement, "yep". I realize he had often use those two words. That explains why we had fight a lot is because of two words that he had uses. I told him that I did listen and I repeat of what he said ealier. He respond, "At least there's a hope for you."

Here's another one, when I got myself an offer for an internship. I was thrilled. I told him that I got it. He looked at me and said, "That's an offer. You didn't get the internship." I said, "If I respond, 'yes' then I would have an internship." He looked at me, "You're stupid than I thought." Confused and bewilderment, I went to career center to see my career counselor and asked him do I have an internship or not? He said that I do have it and in fact, he did went to contact to that postion thru the phone and ask them. So I really do have an internship and I was thrill about that. My career counselor said, "whoever said that to you is sound like VERY jealous of you. Don't let that person put you down." He wrote the quote from Elenor Rooselvelt (sp?) "Do not let anyone put you down unless you let them." paraphasing again. I thought that can't be true that my ex is jealous of me. So, I decided to approach him with cool and calm. I said that I went to career counselor and I do have internship for real. He said, "conglatation" (sp?). Then I tried to tell him that I didn't apprecate ealier that he mention that it's an offer and didn't get the internship. He said, "I don't know what you are talking about." I replied, "okay, but don't do that next time, anyway." He brought this up, "Let's talk about past, I know that you love talk about past." I looked at him, "Are you so sure that's where you want to go?" He realized what he had said then, "Never mind, let's go." I grinned. He and I went out. While he locked the door, "You are pest, ya know that?" I asked, "Can you explain how can I be pest?" He thought for a moment, "I don't know, you just ARE!" I smiled, "If you can't explain that I'm a pest; therefore, I'm NOT a pest." He gave me a sharp looked, "If you going to make me upset, then it's your fault!" He walked off. We went to meet his friends. There is one of his friend who also backed him up for about it's an offer and not internship. I decided to tell his friends that it's not just an offer, I really did got the internship and they're ready for me to come. So, I did. His friend said "congraltations" (sp?). I was going to tell his friend that I didn't apprecate of what happen ealier. Instead, my EX interprut and said, "that's not important, I saw really cool movie ealier on TV!" he was busy to think what's the name of the movie. I interpruted, "That's not important." He stopped and looked at me then walked off. I ran up to him and grab his shoulder. I wanted to try to explain that what I want to say is important as much as yours. And I feel that you doesn't respect me nor listen to me. Instead, he turned around, "Don't touch me or I'm calling security!" He continued to walk off. I left, too. His friends are on his side and never heard of my side of the story. Truth is, I didn't care anymore. I already got tired of him. My love for him was gone. I do mean completely gone. I was surprised that the fire of love has blown away quickly as the love comes in when I first met him. I thought that my love will never fade away but it did disappear like it never exist. However, the memory will stay and the lesson that I've learned will never leave.

Well, seem like I went off the subject.... Well, it's still relate to counselor, right? Haha, sorry, Get back to my point here. Why do most men thinks it has to "Be a man!"? Well, few reasons, it has been like that for generations. That's how men taught boys to "be a man." The cartoon Disney movie "Pocantatcs" (sp?) about indian woman who met white man. There's a leader who said to young boy, "A man is not a man, if he doesn't know how to shoot." So that's how they put down to others when emotional shows and refuse to shows the outside and afraid to be weak. Well, again, Elenor Roosevelt(sp?), "Don't let others put you down unless you let them." paraphasing as usual. Be the REAL you! Even it means to show your emotional. Don't wear mask, it's really wear your energy out.

Be ready for a long poem:
Don't be fooled by me Don't be fooled by the face I wear. I wear a mask. I wear a thousands masks--masks that I am afraid to take off; and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that is second nature to me, but don't be fooled.
For God's sake, don't be fooled. I give the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled within me as well as without; that confidence is my name and coolness my game; that the water is calm and I am in command' and that I need no one. But don't believe me, please. My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.

Beneath lies no smugness, no complacency. Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness. But I hide that. I don't want anybody to know it. I frantically create a mask to hide behind~ a nonchalant, sophisticated facade~ to help me pretend, to shield me from the glace that knows. But such a glace is precisely my salvation, my only salvation, and I know it. That is , if it's followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love. It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself from my own self built prison wall, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect. It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself--that I am really something.

But I didn't tell you this. I don't dare. I'm afraid to. I'm afraid your glace will not be followed by acceptance and love. I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me; So I play my game, my desparate, pretending game, with a facde of assurance without, and a trembling child within.

And so begins the parade of masks, the glittering but empty parade of masks. My life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everthing that is nothing and nothing that is everthing of what's crying inside me.
So when I'm going through my routine, do not be fooled by what I am saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying, what I would like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but I can't say. I dislike hiding, honestly, I dislike the superficial game I am playing, the superficial phony I am being I'd like to be really genuine and spontaneous and me. But you've got to help me. You've got to hold out your hand even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings-- but wings.

With your sensitivity and compassion and your power of understanding, you can breath life into me. I want you to know that I want you to know how imporant you are to me. So do not pass me by. Please do not pass me by. It will not be easy for you. My long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls. The nearer you approach the more blindly I might strike back. It's irrational, but despite what books say about a person. I am irrational. I gight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than the strongest walls, and in this lies hope. MY ONLY HOPE. Please try to beat down my wall with firm but gentle hands--for a child is very sensitive, very fearful.

Who am I, you may wonder? I am someon you know very well.
FOR I AM EVERY MAN YOU MEET. I AM EVERY WOMAN YOU MEET. I AM RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.

~Anoymous~

Reading

I've been reading couple books... well, sorta half and half. Haha The first book I read is "A note from a friend" by Anthony Robbins. I only read about first 2 chapter. Reason why I stopped is because there are 2 fill-in-the-blank of what do I want. And I left it blank because I don't know what I want. Haha, that's why I'm still in hang. However, there something strike me. There's one old man who recieving 120 dollars from SSI (that's was in the past), he wasn't happy about that salary. Instead of complain to the government, he had an idea. So, he use oldsmoible car and travel around to every resturants of his best idea of recipe. Yes, it's reccipe. Every resturants he goes to always said no. He still have not gave up and continue to use 120 for his gas and clothes. He decided to try something new so he wear red pinstripe outfit and a hat and go off to every resturant. There are many people thinks he's a werid-o and some did asked him what's with the outfit. He kept hearing no's about 100,000 times for 2 years of everyday until one said yes. Can you guess who? It's well-known fast resturant. It's Kentucky Fried Chicken. That's the old man in the picture. So, question how many no's did you recieve until you find a job? If it is 10 or 20... well, keep going until you hear "yes" even it means that you will hear 100,000 "no" So don't stop there.

Here's another one interesting story, the man who invented special kind of ring that goes for the car. (don't ask because I really have no idea what's that is) The car company said no. He didn't give up. He kept at it and find a way around to create a perfect ring. He went back to the car company and said no. He came back and continue until he finally get it right and sold idea to the car company. He earned money profits just for that speaical ring. Later, he created himself a company. During WW2 there is not enough material that he needs for his manaufacture. Instead of complian about it, the Japan bombed, the man said "Quick, come out, go and see where it going, we need those raw material for our factory." They go and gather them up. Haha. He doesn't have to pay for it and he gets it for free. Haha. So, it's interesting how a person who wouldn't give up and just keep on at it and going and going until one said yes.

So, don't give up.. huh? Well, in meantime, I will keep on searching for a while.

Here's another book I read, "10 Things I wish I'd Known-Before I went out into the Real World." by Maria Shiriver. Just click and read the details, it's gave a good summary. I think that book is fabulous! Espeically for those who graudated from college and most of all about marriage and children struggle. She gave fantastic insight. Yes, that's the woman who married to famous Arnold Schwarzenegger.

One thing that strike me interesting is that, she born and raise rich and poticial(sp) family. She has a goal to be on TV news. She wouldn't give up even though they have attitude toward her because they think that she's a rich girl who would give up and cry. She didn't! She tough it out and stay where she wants for her career. She did it. Also, what's another thing that strike me is that her boss is really big mouth. When she got married and have children, her boss did told her to quit because her husband has money. She refuse! Just because she's a woman, she still want to continue to have a career no matter what. She wants to continue to earn respect and digity(sp?). I thought that was very interesting point of view. I would highly recommend for those who got out of college and got married and have a kid or two. It is really interesting book to read.

There's another book that I just bought it before I got sick. I only read one chapter. I hope it is worth it. I forgotten the title. It's about something making final decision about what ideal job you want overnight. Of course, I wouldn't be doing overnight thing. It would be only my 2 days off to read that book and take time to absorb it. I did read one chapter that did stike me is that, there are 2 same job and same format but liked one job better than the other. It's about environment. Also, there's a 2 different things about job ideal and job titles. I thought that was interesting... There is a lot more explaining in the first chapter. Like I said ealier, I hope it is worth it. When I feel better, I will get around to read it.

Well, I do feel a little bit better but I'm still weak and I'm hoping to completely heal by tomorrow, if not, then I may called and not show up work for Wed and Thursday. My days off are Mondy and Tuesday. I got sick on Saturday morning, it got worst Saturday night. That's why I couldn't make it on Sunday work. If I can't make it for Wed and Thursday, I may called tomorrow(Tuesday) to have someone to fillfull my place for 2 days. I do know that I'm working on Friday and Saturday. However, I do not know what's my working schudale next week since I haven't checked at work. I was going to do this week... haha. I can call and ask for what's my schuduale if I needed to... but I think i would be able to show up my work on Friday to find out what's my schudale would be for next week.

Now, why would I hate Monday? Since today is really my day off. Haha. Well, some Mondays I will have my off days and some are not. I just want to post this pix because I think it is cute. :-D

Medience

I've been taking medication. It really helps but I'm still feeling weak. I'm bored. I'm really am bored and yet I don't feel like do anything. Just watching tv and moping around while I honking my brain out through my nose. Ya have no idea how annoying that is. There were 2 workers got sick while at work and I try to avoid them and wash my hands as often as I can but no luck. I still got it. Geez! I wish they have stay at home! No thanks to them. I haven't met a customer who got sick, yet. I sure hope that I don't get sick next time. I don't want to get sick.

Oh, my mom told me the good news, there is a two different places for dogs at the dog park. There is a lot of room for dogs to explore and it has rocks to climb on and many tress around. I know Reese would fall in love for that. I can't wait until I feel better to take her to the dog park. I know that she would love to go for it.

I better go and take my medication since it's time.

Cold or flu?

I think I am going to have a cold (or flu). UGH!! This morning I woke up with mild sore throat and while I work. My nose getting worst and my sore throat getting worst and I can feel the fever coming in, too. I was thinking to myself, just great... Just great! Something that I'm not looking forward to. I'm not feeling good either. I just got home from work and ate light dinner. Now I'm going to bed. I may call in for sick... Sadly, I don't have sick days. My mom said it usually means no pay. WAHHHHH! I wanna have pay. I need more money. pppffttttttttttt...

What's next?

Here goes my other friend joining different MLM scam. Something called CDT which is "Canadian diamond traders" *sigh* According to my friend said that it isn't; however, I did took my time to research. It's the same thing. Anything about "recruiters" 2 or more people to join and etc. *sigh* That’s a scams. I already replied to turn it down. My friend urge me not to. I waited a little while to research some more and made my final decision, I'm decline the offer. Like I said, "What's next?" More MLM scams? Enough already, and it's spreading around the world, too. I already told my friend a "good luck". I know that he/she is going to need it.

*****************Off to see the Wizard!***************
How is it going so far?

My family and I are doing okay (and that's including our pets). My mom and I are starting to walk more often at the park. We started last Monday and we did again Tuesday but skip Wednesday and we did today. We will try our best to do almost everyday. Since the weather is cooler and it helps us to go out for a walk. I know Reese really enjoys that. She don't mind walk in the neighborhood but she prefer the park. She loves it! I even unleash her few times to let her explore and keep my eye on her. She's enjoying to do that to be a little bit more independent. If she stray too far, I'll called her to "come" and she will. She's doing pretty good at it so far. I only did for short period then put the leash back on. I want to make habit for her to know that she can't stray too far and always stay closed. Also for her to be aware that she can't go close to other human being, too. There are some people who are afraid of dogs but there are some who doesn't like dogs. It’s depending on people.

Anyway, at work, I'm doing good so far. I admit it is kinda boring brainless job but the people who works there are mostly good people. There are few elderly and most younger people. I prefer to hang out with elderly people. There are a few young people who I don't mind to hang out but not many. There are a few young people who I don't want to hang out espeically if I can tell if one of them are troublemaker. Haha. I notice that they don't bother me that much either which it is a good thing. Oh, I manage to help most of the costumers lately since I'm the only one around here is available... Well, most of the time...Haha, I'm able to answer to their questions. Few times, I can't and I manage to find someone to help me out. *smile* I think I can get the hang of it. I am able to stay within the break time and lunchtime. Which it is a good thing. If I ever work in shoes dept, I manage to find a way to sit down and reorganize the messy shoes that costumers are usually make. Other times, I don't. It does depend.

Oh, another... somewhat pretty good news since I mention last blog that stargate cancel and there's a lot of people write down requesting not to cancel so they are going to continue but there will be closure. *sigh* I do not want closure; I want it to continue few more seasons. Well, what can I say? At least, it gives some kind of closure. Huh?

The orginial Stargate Cast: