Apology from professor

One of my friend got an apology from work, that reminds me someone did apology to me. Something that did impact on me.

For long time, since I've been elementary throughout to college. Some teachers didn't think I would make it throughout all schools. Even one teacher label me metal retarded. I've been struggle to prove every teachers, that I met, were wrong. Some didn't think I would make it through Middle School. Some didn't think I would make it through High School. Heck! Even some teachers didn't think I would graduate High School and would be able to get in college. Even some teachers think I wouldn't make it through college. It really does hurt me when some teachers weren't being supportive (some are A.H., pardon my language).

My last year in college, I bumped into one of my previous professor. This professor is usually says hi to me everytime he/she saw me. He/she did stop me from going to the next class and want to talk to me breifly. I listened. He/she said that it was wrong of him/her misjudge me and assume that I wouldn't make it through college. He/she was impress that I maintain my goal and wouldn't give up. He/she mention that he/she's sorry about that. Also, that he/she was sorry that he/she wasn't being supportive. He/she said need to go to class and wishes me a good luck. I was just stood there stunned and shock. Afterward, I cried. That's the first time I heard from someone who apology to me for misjudging me.

It has been long time since I've been put up with discrimination and being bullied not by students but by the teachers. I never thought in my bewilderment dream one of the whole teachers would be willing to stand and admit his/her mistake. That's rare and it was nicest thing I ever heard for a long time.

I'm glad that I'm be able to prove to teachers wrong by refuse to listen to them.

Key thing for to learn: Listen to someone you know that you can trust. Someone you know that will be very supportive and understand your situation. Listen to someone who understand your past and present and be there for the future and still support for who you are. Someone who knows your craps and still loves you the way you are.

Do not listen for those who isn't being supportive. For those who wouldn't be there. For those who refuse to be there by knowing or think that you would make a mistake that would cause them to be embarrassing. (Truth is you are embarrassing yourself, you can't embarrassing anyone else.) But someone just being there for you and support you throughout your embarrassing moment is a true person that you can trust.

What's the point?

I've been feeling that way sometimes since I was in college. Once in a while, I've been thinking after I've been achieving my goal whatever it is.

Path 1: married, job, then kids

Path 2: Job to job then married

Path 3: College to job, to college, to job then married with kids

Path 4: Job to job then married

Path 5: Job to job then pets

The whole point is that after I've achieve my goal. I can't help but thinking what's next? Is that all? What's the point?

The answer is by the time when I get to the old age and look back. All those experiences will create of my personality and able to see who am I.

I already know who am I. Even something new, I know I can challenge and those challenge can be rewarding experience. So, what's next?

To have kids or not to have kids. It doesn't matter. What's next? Yes, we will have the experience of growing pain. And in teen year of pain in the a$$. Again, those are rewarding experience for every parents, every child and every grandchildren. Okay, Is that all??

So, what's the point? Everybody have different answer and different point of view of their life meaning. Everybody have their own personal reasons and have a reason to live on earth. Not everyone knows their reason. Not everbody knows their purpose.

Others would say to be here to give the witness of spiritual belief (whatever it is, It doesn't matter.) Everybody have different spiritual paths. No one is alike. Even some who doesn't have spiritual life and doesn't believe in God. They still live here on earth. So why are they living here on Earth?

Other answer, just to be happy for no reason and life your live. The whole point of being here is just live your life. That's all.

Okay. What's the point of being here on Earth? Nobody knows or somebody does know but in their own path. Everybody's path are different.

Sometimes, I see pointless to live here on Earth; however, I would not endanger my life. If my life is complete and life fulfillment, then I should die by now. I'm not. I'm still young and still have future. So just keep on going?

Again, What's the point? *sigh*

I know I do not have a purpose but will I find one? (People respond is usually, yes.)

P.S. Don't mention the J.C. word.

A sunny weekend!

Oh boy! This weekend would be warm and sunny!

The pool is ready and we are ready to jump in. *grin* I do miss swimming. I've been anxious and patiencely waiting for the summer to come. But I know I do dread when it is way too hot. At least, we have to pool to help us to cool off.

There is downtown setting up more new stores and restuarants. I'm looking forward for that, too. I miss city sometimes but I do enjoy out in the country, too.

Update about my finger:
It's getting better. I can see the cut is getting smaller and smaller. The bruise on my nail is getting brown. I still feel the sore. However, I notice my nail has a crack. I look closer and I realize half of my nail is tring to come off. Argh. Sound too painful to think about it. I'm going have to be extra careful with my fingernail. I hate the idea of being girly-girl when comes to fingernail "I broke my nail" Notice how the girls always so careful with their nails seem doesn't fit for my personality. Who cares!? But this time I do care. I don't want my nail being peel off with the skin.

Anyway, I hope everybody enjoys your weekend!

My poor finger

:-(

I hit it with the very sharp metal in the garage, yesterday. Now I'm using 9 fingers while I'm typing this. My index finger had been big deep cut nearby my fingernail. I thought I cut my fingernail but it is just right above it. I even have blue-ish color on my fingernail.

Man! It was that painful! I dunno how long it will heal but I know it is very sore.

What a Day!

Oh boy,

Almost a year ago, when my parents and I moved to Texas, we live in a medium size house. Previous house was large, so we have to get rid of many stuffs that we don't need and left in the garage. We have been busy re-organize and cleaning the house the way we like. We almost finished the house. There are several things that we haven't done yet. I didn't realize that it would take long time to do things the way we like in the house.

Anway, we been cleaning and re-organize in the garage. We were hoping to do the garage-sale this coming weekend. It was wearing me out. We did so much today since the weather is very nice and a bit chilly. I was pooped and I went to bed to rest in the evening. I got knocked out the moment I was in the bed. That's when my mom woke me up in about an hour later. We out out to eat for dinner.

Oh!! I almost forgotten. GREAT news for me! Been long time since I went to cheesecake factor restaurant. Last time I went it was several years ago back in Washington DC. We have one here in Texas. Whoo-hoo! We never had in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Gergoria. Some of the painting there are similar as in Washington D.C. It sure brings back some good memories.

I'm going to be very busy this week and next week so I may not be online for a while.

Nitie-Night :-)

Addictive

I never got drunk and use drugs. However, I did drink alcohol once in a while. Sometimes I drink Pina Cola (sp?) and wine on special occasion. I am very curious person but not enough curious to try to use drugs or get drunk. I have met some people who are drugs addicts and alcoholic.

I went out with one guy who had been using drugs and still using it. He admitted that to me and asked me if I have a problem with that. (I didn’t respond but my first in my mind did he left any drugs in the car?? While I was riding with him?? I sure am glad that the police didn’t pull us over. Chances are that I could be ended up in jail even I did not use drugs or didn’t know that he has drugs in the car. I still can go to jail as equal as him.) I told him that this is his life and I have no right to tell him what to do and what he can’t do. I asked him if he already know that the drugs can be very harmful and he heard the usual lectures. He said yes. So what’s the point for me to lecture on him for he already knew that? Then he said that he would like to have a relationship with him. I told him no. He asked why. My respond I do not want to have a relationship with someone who using drugs. He respected and left. I’m impressed. He had made his choice to continue to destroy his life. There’s nothing I can do.

I already knew that I do have addictive personality. That’s why I stay away. Also, most of my family is alcoholic. I never got drunk or use drugs; however, why do I feel the craving to drink alcohol? There are certain times when I felt craving for it. Just to drink alcohol. It is usually when I felt so stress. When I do felt stress, I do want to drink alcohol and feel like that alcohol would make me feel better. I find it interesting. I know what alcohol can do and it will make it worst. It would not make it better. I have witness through my family and couple of friends that I know who are alcoholic.

I admit that I am concern what if I fall through the cracks and becoming alcoholic and/or using drugs. I am well-aware of that I am strong woman but even strong woman can fall through the cracks sometimes. We are humans. It could happen to anyone and it could happen to me. Part of me is hoping that I would never fall through the cracks.

If I did fall through the cracks, deep down I know I can fight it. I know I can face this with the help from the hotline or to group counselor at special place. I know there will be people out there can give support and encouragement. I know I would be able to find a way to keep on living and resist the craving. Just that I hope that I would never face that direction for rest of my life because I know it would not be easy.

Quote of the day: To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man's injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior. Has she not greater intuition, is she not more self-sacrificing, has she not greater powers of endurance, has she not greater courage? Without her, man could not be. If nonviolence is the law of our being, the future is with woman. Who can make a more effective appeal to the heart than woman? ~Mohandas Gandhi~

Butterfingers

I do not talk about candy bar.

Me and my butterfingers,

That's what my mother always called me every time I made my clumsiness. I hate that when it happens. That’s what it called every time something slips out of my fingers like they were greasy fingers.

Today must have been my unlucky day. I dropped my keys, bowl, lunch, and spill drinks. My mom said must be your butterfingers' day. I shot at my mom a look. She laughed. My respond, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I feel like a little bit of teenager.

What can I said? That's my pet peeves, one day I’m fine and handle gracefully then next day my clumsiness showed up and everything’s falls apart on me. Pppfftttt.

We are humans. We make mistakes. We did things and wish we could go back. We accident dropped or spilled something every once in awhile. That’s what the gravity is for. If there isn’t gravity then we don’t have to worry about our clumsy. Haha. I always am wondering what it is like floating in the space and pour a drink in the air. Let the balls of soda floating around. You don’t have to clean up the mess. Hahaha. I think it would be cool to be flying in space for a day.

Don't you?

Quote of the day: Love gives us the stregth to make sacrifices, to give, to encourage, to connect and to be compassionate. ~Author Unknown~

Sunset

Yesterday and today was so hot so I left to take my dog to walk a little bit late since it is cooler.

I'm so glad that I have t-mobile SideKick 2. I can take advantage to take some pictures.

This is the first picture that I take as I was walking. The sun was so bright but it is setting. I decided to wait a little while. I continue to walk.

Then I walked back to take almost same spot where I took the first picture.

This is the second pictures. Sun is setting down deep. Isn't this beautiful? I think it is gorgeous sunset.

I heard that sunset and the sunrising are the same. I beg the different. Sunset is more relaxing and the sunrising is more energy. I'm talking about when sunrising that when you are awake and alert. Sunset makes me feel relax and unwinding because you know that the day is over.

The sun is going and going and gone. The light is still bright but soon the darkness will come.

I like the sunset the best than sunrising. Like I said, you know when the sun is gone and it would feel relaxing. I enjoy watching sunset almost everyday. It's amazing. Beautiful colors that painted in the sky.

Enjoyed!

Who Am I?

That is the most common question that people asked.

It is not about I am teacher, student, mother of three children, single, older sister, or doctor. Those are titles. They don’t really mean anything. It is not who I am.

I often puzzle by that. That is what they always said. I never understood. I just kept going. I realize going through experiences and faces tough situations. Those are the reason to discover who am I.

My mom said “You were like a young stallion that is impossible to be tamed.” She’s right.

I fought hard and wouldn’t give up. I stand up for myself when I have to. Even my parents tried so hard to do things to teach me proper way. What they were doing is they do not know how to be parents. That’s why they couldn’t get through me.

I do not remember this story, my mom told me that when I was young, I held my mom’s hand tight and I said, “No, no, no, no” in a very serious tone of voice to that person. Look back, my mom didn’t realize until now that person was abusing me. Strange, I was not being taught what abuse is yet, I know that’s wrong. I find that amazing. I’m amazing to myself!

As I got older and have my first boyfriend, he did said things that he shouldn’t. For example:
After a long trip, I was driving and my boyfriend slept half the time. As I was on the way home, he woke up with full of energy. We’re almost home. He asked me to stop by the library; it’s past the house and down the few red lights. He wants to go to the computer since we didn’t have computer at home. I told him that I’m too tried and I want to go home since it is getting late. He said, “Too bad! You MUST take me to the library!” I was like “What?... Fine! I’m going to stop at the house and let you drive to the library by yourself.” As I drove up to the driveway, I gave him the car keys. He didn’t take it. He went inside and pouts. He sat on the chair with his arm crossing. He didn’t turn on TV or anything. I just ignore and mind my business.

Another example:
We were college students; I was busy doing my homework. He finished his homework early. He said that he’s hungry. I told him to fix something to eat. There’s peanut butter and Jelly so make yourself a sandwich. He demanded me to make it for him. Notice?? He didn’t ask nicely. He demanded. I told him to make it yourself. You have arms and legs. It is right there. We are staying in a single room. There is no hallway or upstairs. Only he have to do is few steps and use his arms to make it. It’s not that difficult even a kid can do that. That’s what I told him. He got upset. He went to sit on the chair and pout. One hour later, he demanded again. I gave a shot looked at him and ignore him. I was continued to do my homework.

He kept doing that almost often in so many different things. I didn’t appreciate of what he’s doing. In a year later, I left him.

My second boyfriend was so much better than him (I thought it was but it wasn’t). He was being good to me. He showered me with love and affections. We taking turns and we communicate if things were going not right. We did argue but we gave ourselves some space and talk it out when we were ready. I thought he was the right one for me. My friends think I should not be with him. I didn’t care what they think. This is my life and this is my choice. I’m happy! I asked them to be happy for me. They left. So, I made new friends. Everything was going smooth.

Until, we were into serious level of the relationship, I felt like everything I did was wrong. I felt like everything my fault. I cause this relationship chaos. I try to figure out and get back the way it was. He blamed on me for everything.

One day, he blamed on me for failing his math class. I told him no, I didn’t do anything to make you fail your math class. He said I did. We argued. Somehow, he brought this subject up to use it as compare. He said about the two cars, one car went through the red light and hit the other car because the car goes through the green light. He said that the red light car is at fault. However, the green light car caused the accident. He made it sound so convincing. Look the way how he twisted. At first, I told him, no. He said yes. I admit that did confuse me. He sure sound so convincing that is true. So, I asked few people who I trusted the most. Especially to the counselor, I had to make sure. Several people and the counselor said no. Now I know where I stand.

Other example:
I don’t remember what the argument was. Every time, we were just talking and often it lead to argue. We kept argue and leads to nowhere. Suddenly, I realize that he wasn’t looking at me and wasn’t listening. He was not having eye contacting me. He looked at different direction. I stopped talking. He still was babbling on. I almost walked away and knew that he would still babble. Few more seconds, he realized that I stopped talking. He looked straight into my eyes and said “You’re not as smart as I thought you were!” That did piss me off. However, I just nodded. He seemed satisfied like he won.

Other example:
I told my 2nd bf that I need some money since I am broke. He doesn’t have any and I know I have to pay the bill. He knows it too. So, I borrowed some money from my parent. They mailed it and I did deposit. I haven’t written the check, yet. Somehow, he took my money without my permission and uses it. I was not happy about that when I found out. I asked him what he did with my money. He said that he wants to help paying my bills and that he want to be responsible for it. He wants to take care of me. I asked him again. He said that he spend on the foods and something else. I asked him then how would you pay my bills? Sound like to me that you only care about yourself and not me. Boy, he was so upset what I just said and he hit me. I stepped back and told him to leave. He refused. I grab the phone and I told him if you refuse then I will call the police. (He’s stupid). He said, “They are not going to believe you.” I respond, “I’m willing to take the risk, do you??” He left.

I was broke and didn’t have the money to pay my bills. So, I borrowed my friend’s money. (And I did pay back later.) Without a word, I left. My friends think I should not leave him and my friends believe him. He said all the lies about me. I didn’t care. My parents didn’t know about this situation.

Looking back, I realize who I am and what I am. I didn’t care what other people thinks of me. I do ask for advice and stuff like that but I’m not letting them control my life. I never try to please them. I look out for myself. I stand up for what I believe and let no one pull me down unless I let them. (That’s what Eleanor Roosevelt said.)

Who am I? I’m determine, strong-willed, independent, sweet, loveable, and spiritual.

Garfield and Odie

Notice the title?

That's explain it all, right?

Few weeks ago, I asked my parents to babysit for my dog, Reese, on weekend. I would not be home and know my dog would not like that. Before I left, I gave her favorite peanut butter rawhide.She carried in her mouth everywhere she goes.

My mom have to keep an eye on her because sometimes she would tempting to chase her cat. It was beautiful outside. She likes to sit ouside and drink coffee in the mornings. Both pets were outside, too. Reese buried her bone. My mom's cat name is Tom-Tom (his sign name is TT, so I would use TT). He watched Reese. TT walked up to the buried area and sniff like he's letting her know where she's buried. Reese started to charge to TT. My mom stopped Reese. She didn't like it when my mom stopped her. After TT left and Reese go unburied and buried another place. TT did again and again. On 3rd round, Reese was just whined then my mom realized and decided to watch. She couldn't believe that TT was giving Reese hard time. TT did go to Reese buried place. My mom got TT and shoo him away. So TT didn't bother anymore.

Rascal TT, it seem like my mom have to keep an eye on both. Hahaha.

Curious: Does anyone like the idea of change different color of the prints or would it be better all same one color? Also, do you like for me to add pix or without? Just wondering.

Two quotes of the day: No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Fact or Fiction?

Now there are 2 different stories. Beginning of the story is the same but at the end there are 2 fork of roads. Now, which one is true or false??

There was a young girl about 7 or 8 years old. She was visiting at her grandparent’s house. Her grandparent’s live in the country. There were only 4 houses in the neighborhood. She remembered how much a long, long drive on the dirt and rocky road is. She’s usually go to one neighborhood where another young girl who sometimes visits her grandparents, too. Unfortunately, she wasn’t there. It was spring and Easter time is coming. We arrived early before all other in the family come over.

One day, she was bored. She asked her parents’ permission to take a walk down to the deadened road and back to grandparents’ house by herself. Her mother said “Be Careful” in her serious voice. She disliked when her mother worried too much. She responded, “Mommy, I’ll be fine. I will be careful!” She ran off before her mother said anything. Everything was spring! There were flowers blooming and birds singing. She could smell a sweet fragrance. There was nobody around. The houses were seemed quiet as usual. She decided to tiptoe dancing around on the grass next to the dirt road. At the end of the road, there was forest. Mostly were pine trees. She pictured herself being off somewhere fantasy and someplace in enchanted. She knew that she had to go back before her mother get worried by her staying there at the end of the road too long. Finally, she walked back.

Out of the blue, there was a dark blue pickup truck drove by and stopped. The man moved from driver seat to passenger seat then open the door and came out. He had his map in his hands and opened them up to show her the map. He asked for a direction because he had lost. She made a choice to step backward, “I do not know the area because I am visiting my grandma.” He was being pushy and he stepped forward toward her and asking her if she can see the name of the road called “Haley Court Road.” She stepped backward; again, “I’m sorry, you are asking the wrong person, go to gas station.” She leaned back with uncertain and be alert toward to the man. She was wondering what was he is going to do next. She was unhappy when the man tried to come up to her third time. She stepped backward more farther than before. She lied, “I’m sorry this is my first time visiting at my grandma’s house and I do not know the area.” Man got frustrated and got in the truck and left. He was long gone. She arrived home safely and decided to stay in the house rest of the week. Only time she was willing to go out as long if there was one of the family member was outside.

ANOTHER folk of the road, what happen to her if she decided to lean forward?

Every trips and vacations, her father had showed her how to read map. She always enjoyed learning the direction and name of roads. Her father let her to be navigator on the road. It is the parents’ way to prevent from her daughter to get bored on the road trip.When the man arrived with the map, she leaned forward to the map and trying to find the Haley Court Road. Suddenly, the man grabbed her and jerked in the truck. He took off of her clothes and raped her. After he had done with her, he killed her. He dumped her about half mile and left. The man was never found.

So, which one is true or false… or is it both are true or is it both are false??? Please, feel free to explain why?

The answer will come...

True friend is rare.

"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are."~ Robert Louis Stevenson

I have many familiar friends but not close. Every path that I made a choice, they refuse to accept me as a friendship just because the path that I had chosen to go. They warned me not to go. I heard their warned. I told them this is my choice and I’m asking for support, if not then I shall go alone. So I did go alone.

I made new friends along the path I went until I decided to change the new path. I asked my new friends to support me. They refused. They think I’m silly to throw away this path. Again, I left alone.

I made new friends. Will they stay and support me or will they leave? I would not be surprised that they leave if I made the choice to change the different path. I grow accustom to it. Friends come and gone and family stays. Yes, that is very true that the family will stay and support of every decision that I made. I am forever grateful that my parents had show their love and support for who I am. However, parent will not live for a long time.

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” ~Helen Keller

Well, Helen, I rather walk alone in the light with Spirits than walk with a friend in the dark.

What kind of exercises have you tried?

It is a question from a very good friend of mine, Jennifer.

Mostly, I've been walking and walking and walking. That when I was in college and afterward, my dog.

Well, I remember, I did take self-defense class, 3 different kinds of swimming, and scuba. I’ve tried to exercise as often as I can. I thought by going to classes might help me to lose weight; however, it didn’t. Maybe it is because of my eating habit while I was there. I did remember that I look all the pictures. I compared. I was bloated like a balloon. My mom told me that is because of all the salts. I have realized that is true. I’ve been eating high salts and sugars.

Afterward, I decided to cut down my salts and sugars. I asked my mom not to add salts in food. She is very good cooked. When she made turnip greens, I thought there were salts or bacon in it. She said no. WOW! That’s good. My weight and size did lose some; however, I wasn’t seemed as bloated as I am today compare couple years ago.

I read the “Figure” magazine from the Lane Bryant. It is the plus size clothing store. I found out that the soda and sparkling (carbonated) drinks will take away your calcium. Our body needs calcium and women don’t get enough of calcium because of sparkling and sodas. I quit cold turkey. I notice it is so much easier for me to quit cold turkey. I haven’t drink soda since August 2005 until January 2006, I just drink one can of soda. That is the last time I drank in January. I have been drinking water, tea, Crystallite, and sometime juices. I have lost another inch down. It was amazing how much salts, sodas, and sugars can make you bloated. I have notice walking and swimming didn’t help me lose weight but at least I do enjoy doing those.

While, I was in college, I went to Cruise during spring break. There were exercise classes and I only have to pay 10 dollars an hour. I saw one class that focuses on ABS and it is on Tuesday and Friday for one hour. So I did take it. I notice how my stomach went almost flat just 2 days a week for one hour. I had forgotten how to do that. I do not know why I didn’t continue. I didn’t really have the motive to continue. Also, I have to have a ball to go for that.

Motive is the key. I have the lack for it. Main reason is because I dislike exercise. It’s boring. I tolerances better when I go to swimming and walk my dog. I refuse to walk alone. That’s main reason why I decided to get a dog to help me to keep walking. I'm concern if I don't keep walking then I will gain more than I lose.

Also, I realize I’m more of a cat person, not a dog person. Hahaha Big mistake. I should have know. However, my dog, Reese had won my heart. I still kept my responsibility with her.

So, that's why I'm thinking about what is better way to get me motive to continue to increase my exercise by not just walking and swimming.

Hey, thanks for giving me a food for a thought. I am thinking about getting a large ball and video type for Yoga with a ball. I just hope to find a way to help myself to keep it up. Like I said, motive is the key!

Men

How much do we really know about men? They are mysterious as much as we are to men. Thanks to the books, we can learn a few things about men. I won't be surprised there are books about women for men to able to learn few things about women.

To single women, do you ever feel like men are goofballs? Just try to put in a nice word on the website. Some men are nice. Some men are weird. Some men are abusive. Some men are healthy. Some men are overweight. Some men are thin. Some men... blah blah blah.

After I date some men, I notice some are unavailable even they are single. Some are abusive types. I'm glad that I am able to notice the red flag warning signs. Since I had have learned my lesson. The statistics haven't proven yet but it is possible about 75% men are very abusive type. It is incredible. It is very low percent of non-abusive men. However, I did asked myself what make abusive men find me attractive?

Here's one theory, I did have couple of guys to chat with (who are abusive type, they didn't know that themselves.). I found out that their girlfriends are abusive type toward them. Weather or not, they are telling the truth. What really matter is that they are looking for non-abusive type woman like me. They found me and said I'm the right one for them. Yes, I may be, however; they are not the right one for me. I have come to realize that they have not improved on themselves. They are not willing to find out what they did wrong. They just dump them (or break up) and searching for non-abusive. They will do the repeat pattern with the healthy ones and abuse them. Think about it, abusive attractive to abusive. Negative will attract to negative. Since they had negative experience so they go out and look for positive person. They don't take time to look within. I wonder why they are not trying to improve themselves. Why they are not willing to go to counselor and work themselves out like women does? Well, I do know that not all women go to counselor by trying to work themselves out. I do know that some women are not willing to face the fact and truth. Some women had made choice to stick with an abusive relationship which I can name a few.

Here’s another theory, I am a chubby type woman. (Thanks goodness that I’m not overweight.) I also notice most men are chubby and overweight wants to date with me. I had previous date chubby guys. I think it is time for me to change my lifestyle. I did my best to exercise and eat right but it doesn’t seem enough. I barely lose weight. I have see and met a few who been taking diet pills. I notice how helpful it had been. However, is it worth the risk? I personally prefer anything that is natural such as eat right and exercise. Should I try to increase my exercise? I do know that I’m not big fan of exercise. I do get bored with it sometimes. I thought maybe have a dog would help me. I did exercise almost everyday. So I did the same thing while I was in college. What’s the difference??

Here's theory three, I think maybe there is possibility that there is vibes? I don’t know if that is true or not. Do I still project negative energy influence (was it called aurora)? If that is true then why men do find me positive and know that I am not abusive type?

I guess maybe I should increase my exercise. I do know that I never really like to exercise. I hope that I could find a way to increase. If I do that then I might be able to find healthy physically and mentally guy. I'm not going to lose weight just to find man. However, I have seen some healthy physical guys are abusive type too.

Be honest with you, if I couldn’t find non-abusive type of a guy then I rather live my life as a single woman. I am not trying to be sound like I’m giving up. I’m trying to face the facts. I may over-analyze. I am here to learn through error and trail. If I happen to find non-abusive type of a guy then great!!

In meantime, wish me a good luck; I hope that I will find a way to lose weight. That is my next challenge.

SeaQuest JB

Jonthan Brandis! It is a bittersweet right after I watch SeaQuest. I bought DVD from the Wal-Mart. He played as Lucas Wolenczak as a young computer-wiz kid. He had committed suicide. Look up website thru Google search.

The moment I heard the named “Jonathan Brandis” my face was lighten up like a Christmas tree eagerly to hear what he is doing next for acting or director. When I head that he committed suicide, my face went off to shock. I was disappointed but at the same time I do understand. No one knows for sure. He didn't leave a note. He's clean. There is no trace found for drugs or alcohol. That is the information I found when I was reading thru website. I never met him nor do I know him. All I ever did was read about him. It is strange that I never met him but I did have a heartfelt of bittersweet that he's gone. My prayer goes to his family but mostly to his parents because he is the only child. Imagine how much grieves for the parents had to go through. I wonder how they are doing today.

He may have been gone but not forgotten. He is such a cutie guy and my first teen idol when I started to watch SeaQuest. The main reason why I watch SeaQuest is because I find anything relating to Ocean is so fascinating. I did fell in love with the TV shows called Danger Bay. I was looking forward to watch SeaQuest. That’s how I spotted Lucas Wolenczak. I think he did good job act

Jonathan Brandis, I can’t speak for you and your grief because I do not know you. However, I can guess how much pain that you have been through. You are in pain and yet feel empty and emotionless. Feelings and thoughts are seemed worthless for those people didn’t listen and believe you. You’re feeling alone even though so many fans love you but they don’t know you like I don’t know you. You had felt lost and no sense of direction. You have kept on digging at the bottom of the ocean where is so dark and cold. Kept digging and searching for a way out. There is no light to give you guidance that you need. You've kept digging. Until you finally gave up and stay in the dark pitch world full of cold and despair with no-one is around to support and give guidance that you needed the most. The pains are too strong that you are unbearable to handle. So, you made a quick and final decision that no-one and not even yourself to stop to kill yourself.

Farewell, Jonathan Brandis! I hope that you find peace afterlife!

Christmas tree

DSC00271
Originally uploaded by mysticalicorn.

Feel free to click on it to lead to flickr for more pictures.

my best dream -Edit

<--This picture was taken when I was in Hawaii.;)

I still remember my best dream at night few years ago while I was in college. I was in the middle of thick forest and varieties shades of green color everywhere. There were small waterfall and lake. I was standing in the opening with soft grass that feels like an expensive plush carpet. It felt cool on my barefooted with a long light blue/green dress but bit more blue-ish color. There were silver buttons line-up from top to bottom; my body is slim and curvy with long hair. The sun was bright and the air was cool and crispy.

I was dancing and dancing alone. In my face, I was smiling and laughing. I was just having a good time. A few hours later, out of nowhere, a great good-looking man saw me behind the bushes. He came down and bowed. My head bowed down and glance shyly into his green eyes. I stick out my left arm and he took my hand and we dance. We dance until the stars coming out with full moon shining so bright nearby the waterfall. Sound like a fantasy, huh? I know I enjoy that. Everything seems so details. I never thought that dream would be so clear. I still remember as it was yesterday.

<--This picture is from San Antonio. Pretty, isn't it?

Later dreams faded away, I woke up with smiling on my face and looked at the time. It was just few minutes before my clock went off for alarm. I got up and put my clothes on then going to class. On my way out, I was smiling in my face and looking around. I couldn't believe that I almost overlooked. It was spring!! The flowers were blooming everywhere and the green leaves were coming out. I actually felt alive and almost tiptoe walking almost dancing. I was standing tall. I walked by one of my friends, she came up to me and she said, "What's wrong? You looked so sad." I was like what?? I was smiling on my face and u said I look so sad. That doesn’t make sense. I ignored. I told her I never felt so happy. Later, more people kept coming at me and asking me why ya seem upset. Why ya look so sad?


Why do people see opposite?

It's funny only one teacher notices my happiness. She asked me if I had a new boyfriend. One person out of whole people I know, notice that I have smiling and glowing on my face.

This is from San Antonio, too.-->

My mom's cat

Aaaahhh Here’s my mom’s cat, Tom-Tom, technically, he’s my cat. Well, my kitten was given to me right after my final exam in High School. The final exam was depend on my score for graduate in High School. I was so worry. I even had a dream that my test score was only one point less and I couldn’t graduate. I won’t find out my score until 3 to 4 weeks. I was still worry even the tests were finally over. So my mom decided to try to ease my mind, she brought a kitten home. Guess what, it worked. He melt my heart. (Although I was planning not to have any more kitten because I’m highly allergic to them). Good news! I graduated!! In next couple years, I went away to college so my cat, Tom-Tom grow attach to my mom. He still remembered me every time I comes home for the holiday but he still attach to my mom.



Even he did attach to my mom, when Tom-Tom found out that I left back to college. He pouted. When she tried to pet him, he had bitten so hard and ripped most of her skin out in her right hand. My mom had to go to hospital. The humane society stopped by to pay a visit. They assumed that Tom-Tom had been abuse. So they questioned to my mom. My mom couldn’t believe it because there was another lady who had a child was also been abuse. She could see that and no one did not come to them to be questioned. When I came home from college for vacation again, he was so happy to see me. He finally comes to my mom and lay on her laps. My mom said that when I was gone, he wouldn’t want my mom have to do anything with him. He refused to lie on her lap and let her pet him. He’ll eat his food but anything else he pouted alone.

<-- I know the picture is alittle blur but it is the only picture that he finally look at the camera.

Tom-Tom enjoyed his attention from me and lies on my mom’s lap. He rarely lies on my lap. His favorite thing was to be brush. He enjoyed being brush by me. My mom didn’t want to brush him because she allergic to cats more than I do. He disliked the idea to be brush nearby his behind. His hair was so thick and tangle nearby his behind. He hissed every time I tried to sneak to brush nearby his behind. It is not on his butt, just on the side. However, I managed to get rid of his downy winter fur end of the summer last year. Hahaha.

He’s about 10 years old now. He loves to sleep all day. He’s very shy and hides when people come over. Unlike my first cat, he loves people. He would go to any stranger even across street to meet a stranger. My mom and I still loves him and enjoyed his company.

My dog, Reese

Hello! As you see my dog, Reese, she's beautiful. I adopted her from humane society. She was already 6 months old when I first got her. She is now about 14 months old. The lady at humane society said that she is part Border collie and lab. The vet thinks that she is part Border collie and collie. Mom said that she is Border collie and sheltie (small type of collie).




Well, what can I say? Her appearance has strong Border collie a-like the size and shape. Most Border collie knows as black/white or dark reddish-brown/white. I have not seen any light brown/tan with white like my dog. She certain has strong traits of Border collie as I compare with other traits of dogs. She’s smart and walk with full of pride in her. She’s very alert and explorer.

Reese loves her walk. It is her favorite things to do every time I get up. First thing she did that she goes to the front door and barking. She waits for me to get ready. She kept walking back and forth impatiently. She has so much eager in her. She’s very out going and loves people. She wants to meet everybody out in the street whether it is a person or a dog. She still wants to meet them.






When I invite my friends over, she was so eager to meet them. (If you are a dog lover…) She brings ball to them for play. She’ll come to you for her attention. She would lie on your feet to keep your feet warm. She will love you the first moment you come in the house. Every time my dog goes outside and ready to get in the house, I open the door, she didn’t come up to me. She goes to the visitor (or visitors). Hahaha. She got herself a new buddy when a visitor (or visitors) comes in.

Disney Movies

Aaahh Yes, obviously, I'm big fan of Disney movies. ;-)

I just finished watching the movie called “Bambi 2”. It’s a good one!! It is a lot better than any other part 2 Disney movies that I’ve been watching lately. Thumper is my mom’s favorite character and I can see why. He’s cute and funny. He is very much alike an original movie. Most characters are very close-like as the first movie. I like that. The movie is mostly focus on father and son. :-)

Other part 2 Disney movies, I didn’t really care that much. They don’t seem able to make the character alive as the first movies.

I did watch Lion King 2 and it’s okay. They did focus on father and daughter but it wasn’t that good. Mostly focus on Simba’s daughter named Kiara and Scar’s son named Kovu. I’ve notice that Kiara feeling her missing half when she looked down the lake and it showed the blur on one half and same goes for Kovu. When they met and fell in love with each other. They went to the lake. It showed that the missing half seem like complete as one. I’ve realize that TV shows and movies are teaching that your missing half will fulfill when you find your true match of another person.

In my opinion and experiences that I have had, that is consider unhealthy. You can’t expect someone to fulfill your happiness, love, and spiritual. It is only yourself and God/spirit/gods/goddesses/inner soul(whichever that makes you feel comfortable and be able to be yourself). No one can make you happy or fulfill holes in your heart. Part of me that I’m glad that I finally found my inner soul and knowing no one can take that away. My heart is full of love, happiness, and satisfies that I never thought I would be forever grateful. Which I am and I deserve it. ;-)

It just that it amaze me how much TV shows and movies doesn’t teach that.

I hope for everyone on this Earth would be able to find it in their own paths just as I did. :-)